Jail Bird

weakened state, she had come back to Nick’s with him, accepted a brandy, and then a kiss…and then, well, the rest was history.

Of course she knew how it had happened. She’d been vulnerable. Also, she’d always, always been massively attracted to Nick. She couldn’t believe it had never happened before, really.

She lay there in the middle of the day, wrapped up in his arms, and knew there’d been another factor too: twelve long years in prison; long dry years when she had struggled to damp down any urges she might have. She didn’t want to take the lesbian route, although a lot of girls inside did. She kept herself to herself, exercised hard, kept her head down. Did her time.

‘You’re quiet,’ said Nick sleepily, dropping a lazy kiss onto her brow.

‘Blonde joke,’ said Lily.

‘Oh God.’

‘What do you call an intelligent blonde?’

‘A golden Labrador.’

Lily sat up, feigning outrage. ‘You’ve just ruined my punch line.’

‘Don’t do that,’ he said, half smiling.

‘Don’t do what?’

‘Tell jokes against yourself. You’re not a dumb blonde. But I know what it is. It’s a defence. You always were a shy girl. Always fending off admiration with a joke or two.’

Lily flopped back down. Yeah, he was probably right. She ran a hand over his chest, over the dark curling hair there. He was so gorgeous. Better looking than Leo, he always had been. But Leo could charm the birds out of the trees, could fill a room with his loudness. And she had been shy in those days, repelling attention, Nick was right about that.

Now she looked at Nick and wished he’d tried harder. Competed for her instead of stepping back, growing cold towards her, when Leo started to take an interest. If he had fought for her…then, oh how different her life could have been. Couldn’t it?

Or would it have been the same with minor variations? Nick was no saint. Would he have cheated on her, played up to the boys, just like Leo did, once she was safely knocked up and tucked away in the marital home?

She sighed.

‘And what was that for?’ asked Nick, rolling over.

‘You’re crushing my left tit,’ complained Lily.

‘No I’m not. There you are, you see? Humour as a defence.’

‘You’re so bloody clever.’

‘And you’re so bloody lovely,’ said Nick, and kissed her hard enough to take all thoughts of the next joke clean out of her head.

‘Nick…’ she whispered against his mouth.

‘Hush,’ said Nick, and kissed her again, and made love to her all over again, and it was wonderful, so much better than it had ever been with Leo; Leo had been all wham-bang-thank-you-ma’am, but Nick took his time, made her shudder and cry with the intensity of her orgasm.

Oh God, all those years, she thought with deep wrenching sadness. All those wasted bloody years.

Again they lay quiet, sated, twined together.

Finally Lily drew breath and opened her mouth to speak.

‘Not another blonde joke, please,’ said Nick, eyes closed, lips forming a smile.

‘Do you think Julia would speak to me?’ she asked.

Nick turned his head, opened his eyes and stared at her. ‘Don’t know. I haven’t seen Julia in years. And I don’t know that it’s a good idea you seeing her, either.’

Lily stared into his dark, dark eyes.

‘Those bullets weren’t meant for you, were they?’ she asked.

He lay back, shrugged. ‘I’ve got a few enemies.’

‘Seems I have too.’

‘I don’t like you doing all this.’

‘All what?’

‘Seeing people. I know you’ve been seeing people, Lily.’

‘People?’

‘Like a private detective. Like Reba Stuart. And Adrienne Thomson…’

‘And Alice Blunt?’

He opened his eyes and looked at her. ‘Yeah, her too.

You’re looking for answers to something, and maybe somebody out there doesn’t like it.’

Of course he knew what she’d been doing. Nick had always been the gleaner of intelligence. If you wanted to know anything, you asked Nick. He kept his ear to the ground. Had a network of people beavering away. He wanted to know everyone’s secrets – but he kept his own close to his chest.

‘Look,’ said Lily, propping herself up on one arm and staring down at his face. ‘I’ve already got an address for her. And yes, the private detective – that’s Jack Rackland by the way, but then I bet you already know that – he’s found it for me. But I thought I’d talk to you first.’

He shrugged. ‘It’s nothing to me whether or not you talk to Julia. But I don’t want you placing yourself in a dangerous situation. Pursuing some sort of stupid vendetta that’s going to land you in trouble.’

‘Hey, it’s not up to you to be my nursemaid,’ pointed out Lily.

‘Well, pardon me for giving a shit.’

‘I have to talk to Julia.’

Now he sat up, looking truly exasperated. ‘Look. I’d rather you didn’t,’ he said.

‘Oh. Why?’

‘Haven’t I just told you why? You’re going to wind up in a heap of trouble, and what for? Lily – you’re out. You’re free. Why not just let it go now? Why not just appreciate it?’

Lily looked at his broad, well-muscled back and thought, And if you were involved in Leo’s death, ain’t that exactly what I’d expect you to say?

Suddenly she felt uneasy, as if she’d thoughtlessly leapt into a situation that she ought not to have placed herself in at all. She cursed herself for being so weak, for caving in after the trauma of the shooting and falling into bed with Nick when really she should have stayed away. Kept it business-like. Nick had a good reason for killing Leo, and she was stupid to have let her attraction to him override that.

‘Look,’ he said, swiping an agitated hand through his hair, his expression tense with irritation as he half turned and looked at her. ‘Why not move in here? Or back into the safe flat?’

‘You’re joking.’

‘Do I look like I’m joking?’

‘Why, so you can keep an eye on me? Make sure I don’t talk to anyone I shouldn’t?’

‘Something like that, yes.’

Lily nodded slowly, biting her lip. Fury was building in her. She threw back the sheet and stood up, started hunting around for her clothes.

‘You know what, Nick?’ She rounded on him suddenly. ‘I’ve been locked up for twelve years. Before that I was locked into a loveless marriage, just making the best of it. Before that my parents made me feel a failure and – when I got pregnant – a slut. Do you really think I need to be locked up again, kept safe, kept under control? Do you?’

‘Lily, for God’s sake…’

‘No! Don’t say another word. I’ve heard enough. Now where the fuck are my shoes?’

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