The Crime Trade

The first time Stegs Jenner ever clapped eyes on Tino ‘Ten Inch’ Movali was on the porn film Ass Lovers in London. Stegs hadn’t wanted to admit it to Murk when they’d spoken, but nowadays he was something of a porn aficionado, particularly since the missus had concluded, some five years into their relationship, that sex (at least with Stegs) was only really satisfactory if the end result was pregnancy, thereby relegating it to a couple of times a month, with him on top doing all the work, whenever the moon or whatever was in the right position, and rendering it completely redundant when she’d finally got up the duff. As a result, porn films had become an integral part of Stegs’s solo sex life, to be watched whenever those rare moments occurred when the missus and Luke decamped from the house.

One such occasion had been a couple of months earlier when she’d gone off to see her parents in Colchester for the weekend, taking Luke with her. On the Saturday night Stegs had settled down to watch Ass Lovers, a purchase from a porn shop on the Charing Cross Road, with a takeaway ruby and a hefty supply of canned Stella. What passed for the plot was as follows. An individual, known only as ‘Ass Lover’, appeared to be walking round London with a video camera, filming passers-by, especially attractive women, and their arses in particular, with Tino in tow. Tino, Stegs had to grudgingly admit, was a good-looking, if slightly vacant, young bloke but his dress sense wasn’t up to much. He was wearing a checked sports jacket with brown leather patches on the elbows which would have fitted in perfectly in an early 1980s Essex golf club, but which wasn’t exactly going to pull the punters in turn-of-the-century supposedly swinging London. He also had a rather unpleasant blue jeans and sandy-coloured cowboy boots combo a la Bon Jovi, which at least provided Stegs with a few laughs, as did Tino’s English — fluent enough, but delivered in a comedy Continental accent that veered between French, German, Italian and back again, complete with hackneyed medallion-man chat-up lines such as ‘You’re looking good, baby’ and ‘Man, nice tits.’ Still, this didn’t appear to put off the two local girls Tino and ‘Ass Lover’ got talking to in Hyde Park by the Serpentine. Both were young and pretty, and none too bright either, and when Ass Lover asked them to come back to his hotel room with him and Tino to do some modelling, both accepted eagerly, giving Tino admiring glances that looked worryingly genuine.

All laughs stopped, however, when, back in the hotel room, Tino produced his startlingly impressive ten-inch appendage and began to service the girls in a variety of positions and in places where, to put it bluntly, the sun don’t shine. In fact, Stegs was masturbating furiously and having a particularly enjoyable time of it, all thoughts of Tino’s clothes sense forgotten as the Dutch dickmaster got to work doing what he obviously did best, when on the screen there was a loud knock on the hotel-room door. It then opened to reveal the hotel’s manager — a smartly clad Trevor Murk, dressed in a suit for possibly the first time in his life outside of a crematorium, who strolled in to complain about the noise. Stegs had had to do an alarmed double-take, penis already wilting in hand, but it was Murk all right. One of the girls immediately knelt down in front of him, unzipped his fly and popped his dick out. Though less impressive than Tino’s, it still wasn’t a bad size and was standing to attention in double-quick time as the girl proceeded to administer a very professional-looking blowjob while Murk stood there looking very unmanagerial, smirking at the camera and making the odd grunt of encouragement.

Stegs had lost all interest at this point, unable to watch a spawny git like the Murky one have it away with an attractive young filly and get paid for it while he, Stegs, was reduced to wanking at home on a Saturday night. The contrast was simply too great and too tragic, and he’d switched off.

The second time he clapped eyes on Tino Movali was in the Cherry Tree Inn on the Saturday evening following his suspension. He was sitting at a corner table alongside Trevor Murk. The two of them were talking and laughing like old friends, oblivious to the fact that more than one woman in the place was looking their way. Stegs bought a pint and made his way over. The room was busy, with most of the tables taken, but thankfully it didn’t feel oppressively crowded.

As Stegs approached, Murk saw him and stood up with a welcoming smile. ‘Hello, Mark,’ he said, using the name they’d agreed. He put out his hand and Stegs shook it reluctantly, affecting a deliberate air of indifference. Tonight, Matthew, I’m a shifty dope dealer with little in the way of patience or morality.

‘All right, Trevor,’ he grunted.

‘This is Tino,’ said Murk, and the youthful Tino stood up with a big grin.

They shook hands and Tino said that he was very pleased to meet him. ‘I have heard from my friend Trevor here that you are the sort of man that is, how you say, good to know.’

‘That depends,’ said Stegs enigmatically, giving Tino a careful once-over. Tonight, the Dutchman was dressed in a paisley shirt and black jeans. There was a suspect-looking bulge in the groin area that Stegs would have thought was a deli-style salami sausage if he hadn’t known better. ‘You look familiar,’ he added, sitting down with his pint. The others followed suit. ‘Do I know you from somewhere?’

‘Do you enjoy erotica?’

‘None of your fucking business,’ replied Stegs, lighting a fag.

‘I’m sorry, man, I didn’t mean it like that. What I’m saying is, I’ve made appearances in porno films. If you watch them regularly, you may have seen me.’

‘I normally only look at the girls.’

‘Well, in the films that I am in, they are usually on the end of my cock.’ He gave a nervous laugh.

‘Anyway,’ said Murk, butting in, ‘Tino’s here with a business proposition. We thought you might be interested in what he had to sell. We’ve already talked about quantities, now we need to sort out a price. That’s if you still want to go ahead.’

‘I may want to,’ said Stegs, thinking that Murk really was a treacherous back-stabbing dog, so impatient to betray his friend that he didn’t even allow for a bit of small-talk. ‘But first I’ve got to satisfy myself about a number of things.’

‘And what are they, my friend?’ asked Tino, leaning forward.

Strangely enough, he had a very innocent-looking, cherubic face that didn’t really fit with the jaded expressions so many in the porn industry wore, that hound Murk included. Stegs put him at early twenties tops, and reckoned he’d probably make quite a good salesman. He had the sort of face you can’t imagine ever having the gumption to deceive you. It seemed a pity that he’d been wasting his life in skinflicks, and was now about to waste it still more in the short-term, fast-burn-out world of small-time dope dealing.

‘First of all, I want to make sure of the quality. I need to acquire a sample of what you’ve got in order to check how pure it is. If it’s satisfactory, then we’ll take things further. Also, I want to make sure that you’re kosher. That is, who you say you are. I don’t like dealing with people I don’t know, even if Trevor here does speak highly of you.’

‘He’s hardly likely to be dodgy, is he?’ said Murk, keen to get things moving. ‘He’s a porn star, for fuck’s sake. He wouldn’t exactly make good undercover.’

‘Not so loud, Trevor. I don’t much want the whole pub to know of our business dealings.’

‘He’s right, though, my friend. I’ve never spoken to a policeman in my life. I’m not, how you say, dodgy. And me and Trevor have known each other a long time. Is that not right, Trevor?’

‘Too right, Tino.’ Murk gave him a comradely pat on the back, then turned to Stegs, flashing him a quick wink. Bastard. ‘I can vouch for this man, Mark. He’s straight. I’ve told you that already. Now, if you’re not interested, we can always go somewhere else.’

Stegs ignored him. ‘Have you got a sample of the goods?’ he asked Tino.

Tino nodded. ‘Sure, man.’

‘All right, give it to me outside when we leave. But in principle, I’m interested. Trevor says you’ve got five thousand to sell, and you could be able to get as much as five thousand a week. Is that right?’

Tino sipped his drink. It looked like a scotch and soda. ‘Yes, that’s right.’

‘And it’s E, yeah? Ecstasy?’

‘That’s also right.’

‘I usually deal with bigger quantities than that. Do you think you’ll be able to get more?’

‘I don’t know, man,’ he answered. ‘I might be able to, but I cannot say for sure.’

‘Fair enough. Well, five’ll do for now. We’ll have to play it by ear.’

‘Excuse me?’

‘See how it goes.’

‘Sure.’

‘I can pay you five cash for the first consignment, as long as it’s you who gets it into the country.’

‘It’s already here.’