Outside my room someone started drilling. They were repairing the hospital, just like the women's hospital where Kirsten had died. Sometimes it seemed like there wasn't anywhere in Munich that wasn't having some building work done. I knew Dr. Henkell was right. A chalet in Garmisch-Partenkirchen would be a lot more peaceful and quiet than the builder's yard I was in now. Just what the doctor ordered. Even if it was a doctor who was beginning to sound suspiciously like an old comrade.
'Maybe I never got around to telling you about the men who put their paws on me,' I said. 'They had hidden qualities, too. You know, like honor and loyalty. And they used to wear black hats with funny little signs on them because they wanted to look like pirates and frighten children.'
'As a matter of fact, you told me that they were cops,' he said. 'The ones who beat you up.'
'Cops, detectives, lawyers, and doctors,' I said. 'There's no end to what old comrades can turn their hands to.'
Dr. Henkell did not contradict me.
I closed my eyes. I was tired. Talking made me tired. Everything seemed to make me feel tired. Blinking and breathing at the same time made me feel tired. Sleeping made me feel tired. But nothing made me feel quite so tired as the old comrades.
'What were you?' I asked. 'Inspector of concentration camps? Or just another guy who was obeying orders?'
'I was in the Tenth SS Panzer Division Frundsberg,' he said.
'How the hell does a doctor end up in a tank?' I asked.
'Honestly? I thought it would be safer inside a tank. And, for the most part, it was. We were in the Ukraine from 1943 until June 1944, when we were ordered to France. Then we were at Arnhem and Nimegen. Then Berlin. Then Spremberg. I was one of the lucky ones. I managed to surrender to the Amis, at Tangermunde.' He shrugged. 'I don't regret joining the SS. Those men who survived with me will be my friends for the rest of my life. I'd do anything for them. Anything.'
Henkell did not question me about my own service with the SS. He knew better than to ask. It was something you either talked about or you didn't talk about. I never wanted to talk about it again. I could see that he was curious. But that just made me all the more determined not to say anything about it. He could think what he liked. I really didn't care.
'As a matter of fact,' he said, 'you would be doing me a huge favor. If you went to Monch. That's the name of my house in Sonnenbichl. A friend of mine is living there at the moment. You could keep him company. He's been in a wheelchair since the war and he gets rather depressed. You could help him to keep his spirits up. It would be good for you both, you see. There's a nurse and a woman who comes in to cook. You'd be very comfortable.'
'This friend of yours--'
'Eric.'
'He wouldn't be an old comrade, too, would he?'
'He was in the Ninth SS Panzer Division,' said Henkell. 'Hohenstaufen. He was also at Arnhem. His tank got hit by a Tommy armor-piercing seventeen-pounder in September 1944.' Henkell paused. 'But he's no Nazi, if that's what you're worried about. Neither of us was ever a Party member.'
I smiled. 'For what it's worth,' I said, 'neither was I. But let me give you some free advice. Don't ever tell people that you were never a Party member. They'll think you've got something to hide. It beats me where all those Nazis disappeared to. I guess the Ivans must have them.'
'I never thought of it like that,' he said.
'I'll just pretend I didn't hear what you said and then I won't be too disappointed when he turns out to be Himmler's smarter brother, Gebhard.'
'You'll like him,' said Henkell.
'Sure I will. We'll sit by the fire and sing each other the Horst Wessel Song before we turn in at night. I'll read him some chapters of
'Like I made a mistake,' Henkell said grimly. 'Forget I ever mentioned it, Gunther. I just changed my mind. I don't think you'd be good for him, after all. You're even more bitter than he is.'
'Take your foot off the Panzer's gas pedal, Doc,' I said. 'I'll go. Anywhere would be better than this place. I'll need a hearing aid if I stay here any longer.'
NINETEEN
One of the nurses was from Berlin. Her name was Nadine. We got along just fine. She'd lived on Guntzelstrasse, in Wilmersdorf, which was very close to where I had once lived, on Trautenaustrasse. We had been practically neighbors. She had worked at the Charite Hospital, which is where she had been raped by twenty-two Ivans in the summer of 1945. After that she lost her enthusiasm for the city and moved to Munich. She had a rather refined, almost noble face, a high-set neck, big shoulders, and a long, strong back and correctly formed legs. She was built like an Oldenburg mare. She was calm, with a pleasant temper, and, for some reason, she liked me. After a while I liked her, too. It was Nadine who got a message to little Faxon Stuber, the export cabdriver, asking him to visit me in hospital.
'My God, Gunther,' he said. 'You look like last week's sauerkraut.'
'I know. I should be in hospital. But what can you do? A man has to earn a living, right?'
'I couldn't agree more. And that's why I'm here, I hope.'
Without further ado I directed him to the closet where my clothes were hanging and the wallet in the inside pocket and the ten red ladies that were waiting there.
'Find them?'
'Red ladies. My favorite kind of gal.'
'There are ten of them and they're yours.'
'I don't kill people,' he said.
'I've seen the way you drive and it's only a matter of time, my boy.'
'But assume you've got my attention.'
I told him what I wanted to do. He had to sit close to my bed to hear what I was saying because my voice was sometimes very faint. I sounded like a frog in the Flying Dutchman's throat.
'Let me get this straight,' he said. 'As well as the other, I wheel you out, drive you to where you want to go, and drive you back here. Right?'
'It'll be visiting time so no one will even know that I'm gone,' I told him. 'Plus, we'll be wearing builder's overalls. I'll just slip them over my pajamas. Builders are invisible in this city. What's the matter? You look like a cat creeping around the milk.'
'If it tastes funny it's because I don't see you going out of here in anything other than a wooden box, Gunther. You're a sick man. I've seen stronger-looking crane-flies. You wouldn't make it as far as the car park.'
'I already thought of that,' I said and showed him a little bottle of red liquid I had been hiding under the bedclothes. 'Methamphetamine. I stole it.'
'And you think this will put you back on your feet?'
'Long enough to do what I need to do,' I said. 'They used to give it to Luftwaffe pilots during the war. When they were exhausted. They were flying and they didn't even need a plane.'
'All right,' he said, folding away the red ladies. 'But if you wander off or tip over don't expect me to handle the porterage. Sick or not you're still a big man, Gunther. Josef Manger couldn't pick you up. Not if his Olympic gold medal depended on it. And another thing. From what I've heard, that ox-blood is apt to make a man gabby. But I don't want to know, see? Whatever it is that you're hatching, I don't want to know. And the minute you tell me, I'll feel free to brush you off. Clear?'
'As clear as a half bottle of Otto,' I said.
Stuber grinned. 'It's all right,' he said. 'I didn't forget.' He took a half liter of Furst Bismarck out of his pocket and slipped it under my pillow. 'Just don't drink too much of that stuff. Grain schnapps and an armful of ox-blood might not mix too well. I don't want you throwing up in my taxi like some stinking Popov.'
'You don't have to worry about me, Faxon.'
'I'm not worried about you. If I look like I'm worried about you it's because I'm worried about me. It doesn't
