Requiem for Moses

school in the fifth grade. Well …” She adverted to the fact that Koesler’s history included a lot of parochial fifth grades. “…you would know about that sort of thing better than I.”

Indeed. Koesler recalled seeing Do Black Patent Leather Shoes Really Reflect Up? a hilarious takeoff on the interplay between parochial school children, their priests, and, mostly, their nuns, in the ’50s. That era was marked by nuns with rulers measuring hemlines, the distance between dancers, and the depth of decolletage. The evening Koesler saw the play, a woman in the audience was pounding her fists on the back of the seat in front of her and chanting, between howls of laughter, “That’s the way it was! That’s the way it was!”

“Anyway,” Judith went on, “the few times we had socials where we could invite boys, I always had to invite my cousin Morris. Daddy insisted on it. He and Mother disagreed on this-like they did about almost everything.

“I was caught in the middle-as usual. Daddy won their battles most of the time-or, at least he thought he did. Mother always got something out of the war. Watching them-well, it was like meetings between labor and management debating a constant grievance.

“But while mother was salvaging her booty and Dad was walking away relishing his contested victories, I was stuck with Morris. Summer vacation was the worst. That’s when there were lots of parties where Morris and I could get thrown together.

“It’s hard to say what was the worst aspect of Morris-there were so many. I guess the thing that bugged me most was Morris always trying to feel me up. Fortunately, at that age, I was a little bigger and a lot stronger than him. So, every time he tried it, I beat the sh-I beat him up.”

So far, thought Koesler, with the possible exception of parental warfare, the childish relationship of two kids was not all that unusual.

Almost as if she were reading his mind, Judith said, “You’re probably thinking that this sort of family feud was not unusual. But it took on another dimension when I got to high school. I don’t know whether you know it or not, but I attended Catholic school right through to college.

“Even in a Catholic high school, dating could get serious.

“Well, we had a class-I think it was called ethics. It was mostly about sex, and how that was dirty so you were supposed to save it for the one you love.”

Koesler had heard that line many times before. He always found it mildly humorous. In the present context, it was not difficult keeping a straight face.

“It was in that ethics class,” Judith said, “that I discovered something that just might get Daddy out of my hair and Morris away from my chest. It was the first Catholic teaching I ever found helpful.”

THE PAST

It’s called steady dating, Daddy ….”

Judith had cornered her father in his study after the evening meal. It was one of those rare nights when he had dinner with the family instead of arriving home long after his children had been packed off to sleep.

“Steady dating,” Moe repeated absently, as he studied the real estate market in the daily paper.

“Our ethics prof spelled it all out: It’s wrong. It’s an occasion of sin. We aren’t supposed to do it.”

“Then don’t do it.” Green wished she would go away. He barely heard what she was saying. This was the reason he so seldom spent quality time with his family. He hated his family. He related to his family only insofar as the individual members could serve his purposes. But, then, that was how he related to everyone.

“I can’t not do it,” Judith whined. “You’re making me do it.”

“Do what?”

“Date steady. Steady date.”

“I’m making you do that!? I don’t even know what you’re talking about. Don’t you have homework to do?”

“I did it. When Mother said you’d be home for dinner, I didn’t believe her. But just in case you did come home, I got my homework done early. So, now I got to talk to you. Daddy! I’m talking to you.”

“I’m painfully aware of that. Why don’t you go play? Play with David. What are brothers and sisters for?”

“David is a schlemiel! Besides, this is important. I talked to my ethics teacher and he says you are putting me in the near occasion of mortal sin.”

“Then don’t do that.”

“What?”

“What your teacher told you not to do.”

“Daddy! It’s not my fault.”

“Good. It’s somebody else’s fault.”

“Yours!”

“That’s nice.”

“Daddy, you’re making me go out with Morris. All the time!”

“Morris!” Green crushed the paper between his hands. “Morris! What about Morris?”

Morris played a long-range part in one of Green’s schemes. Judith’s mention of the name captured his attention.

“You’re making me go out with Morris all the time. I have to dance with him at all the sock hops. When we have vacations, it’s always Morris, Morris, Morris!”

“Morris is a good kid. What’s the matter with you? He’s your cousin, for God’s sake.”

“That’s another thing: He’s my cousin!”

“He shouldn’t be your cousin? It’s good he’s your cousin. Keeps it all in the family.” He looked up as Margie entered the room and stood by the fireplace.

“We’re supposed to date lots of boys. We’re supposed to-um-play the field. If we don’t get enough experience from a lot of different people, we won’t develop a mature personality.”

“Your personality is fine.”

“And”-Judith continued to talk through her father’s comment-“if we only date one fellow we will be committing serious sins. Because steady dating is like an engagement. Engagements naturally lead to marriage. And steady dating leads to sins. Sins of the flesh!”

Moe chuckled. “Morris still feeling you up?”

“Not much. Last time he tried that I decked him!”

“See? That’s my girl.” Moe was grinning. “You won’t commit any sins … except maybe murder.”

“You should take her seriously, Moe,” Margie said.

“Not you, too!” He tossed the crumpled newspaper in the general direction of the fireplace.

“Daddy …” Judith valued her mother’s intervention, but would have preferred that it come a bit later. Judy had a few rounds left to fire. “What’s the point of it? It’s not like we’re going to get married!”

Green’s squint focused directly into his daughter’s eyes. “And what would be so fatal about that?”

“Daddy!” Judith almost shrieked.

“Leave the room for a little while, darling,” Margie said. “Mother wants to talk to your father for a few minutes.”

“Mother!”

“Leave, honey!”

“Oh, all right.” She stomped from the room, glaring over her shoulder at her father.

“Moe, I think I know what you’ve got in mind.”

Green leaned back in his recliner. By no means would it be the first time that Margie had virtually read his mind. “Okay, the floor is yours. Let’s hear what I’ve got in mind.”

“When we got married, your family, for all practical purposes, disowned us. The sole exception was Sophie. It was a reaction that affected you about the way news of life on Mars might. You don’t give a damn about anybody. So why do you push Morris on Judith so relentlessly? Morris has neither the brains nor the looks to attract any girl of any age. But in Judy he’s got the cream of the crop. You’re giving him a queen on a platter. You don’t even care about your only daughter except for what she can get for you.”

“Where is this going, my love?”

“To Morris’s father Sam, I do believe.”

Moe smiled. So far she was right on the money.