Mean Spirit

been his. In the can. For an unbelievable fee. A couple of years and he could have bought a proper castle. Two castles …’

‘Who told you all this, Jo?’

‘Let’s just say someone in the know. Someone who saw Wednesday’s show and how close Kurt came to …’

‘What did he hope to get out of it? Kurt, I mean.’

‘I think he just wanted to shaft you, Cindy. Revenge, frustration. Mind you, he has got friends on the inside — maybe he thought there was still a chance, if you were out of the picture. And that if the stunt had worked, he’d have been a folk hero, like Jarvis Cocker the night he took the piss out of Michael Jackson. I don’t know … he’s obviously just extremely vindictive.’

‘Well,’ Cindy said, ‘it was good of you to tell me, but I think we should try and forget about Mr Campbell. More to the point, how is poor Mr Purviss?’

‘Oh,’ Jo said. ‘Yeah. That’s something I should have told you. We’ll have to mention it on the show. Be in all the papers, I suppose.’

Last month the podgy, fun-loving Mr Gerry Purviss, aged sixty-one, had won just over three million pounds on the Lottery and within a week had married a Miss Michele Murray, aged twenty-three. Mr Purviss was one of those Lottery winners who just asked for the Cindy treatment, indeed revelled in it. It’ll all end in the cardiac unit! Kelvyn had shrieked joyfully, to huge audience merriment, when Mr P and his large fiancee had appeared on the show.

Well, how was Kelvyn to know that Mr Purviss did indeed have what was considered at the time to be a relatively mild heart condition.

He had been in hospital for nearly a week.

‘Apparently’, Jo said, ‘he had another one in hospital. Died early this morning.’

‘Oh dear, dear, such an amiable man.’

‘That’s one very rich big blonde.’

‘So how am I supposed to react on the show?’

‘There’s going to be a meeting about it.’

Of course. This was the BBC. There would have to be a meeting.

‘I’d guess you should say nothing,’ Jo said. ‘It wasn’t a sick joke at the time, Mr Purviss himself had a good laugh, so …’

‘Poor man.’

‘Let’s face it, Cindy, bloody stupid man.’

‘Then again,’ Cindy said, ‘that was probably the very best week of his life. Not many of us get to go out on a real high.’

When young Jo was gone, he went to the window and watched the mist making white whorls over St Bride’s Bay, wishing Mr Purviss’s jovial soul the smoothest of passages.

There would be no comeback. They were flying high, Cindy and Kelvyn both. And higher still after the Kurt Campbell incident.

A true professional, they were saying Upstairs. It took an unflappable, seasoned operator to turn the tables so neatly on Campbell. Such an immaculate piece of double-bluff!

And didn’t those tabloids love him to death? Yesterday, on his return from London, Ifan Williams had come out to open the gate for him, brandishing the Mirror.

CINDY’S TRANCEOF THE SEVEN VEILS

But flash Kurt can’t con the Kite!

And the mobile phone had started to trill its little tune, the offers tinkling in:

An invitation to exercise his wit on the tricky Clive Anderson’s TV talkshow. (Easy.)

To chronicle his lifestyle in the Sunday Times Magazine’s ‘Life in the Day of …’ feature. (If I must.)

To be a subject for the radio programme In the Psychiatrist’s Chair. (Well, why not?)

And an inquiry from a company interested in marketing cute little Kelvyn Kites to hang in car windows. (No, no, no, a million times no … surely there’s quite enough carnage on the roads.)

Meanwhile questions were being asked in the serious papers about Kurt Campbell’s previous shows: how genuine were they? How many hypnotic subjects ‘randomly selected’ from the audience were, in fact, plants?

This disturbed Cindy a little. He didn’t want to ruin anybody’s image — and Kurt Campbell, in his brash way, had done a great deal to awaken public interest in serious paranormal research. Perhaps, instead of avoiding the press, as he had been on this issue, he should make a meaningful statement to the effect that he believed entirely in the power of hypnosis and in the extraordinary abilities of Mr Kurt Campbell.

As for Kurt, his only public comment had been to the effect that it was impossible to make people do, under hypnosis, something very much against their will.

Cindy knew this popular claim to be less than true.

It all needed some pondering. He left the mobile phone in the caravan and wandered out in the rain until he could see the sea sloshing the rocks forty feet below. Another hour and he would have to be off to London again, for the rehearsal and the Saturday evening Lottery Show. A tiring schedule — the driving part, at least. But the spirit of Pembrokeshire always restored him and, when he was back here on Sunday, perhaps he would stagger up to Carn Ingli, the holy peak of the Preseli Mountains, where compass needles changed direction and unexpected insights were gained.

At that moment, beyond the open door of the caravan, the mobile phone started up again, like a distant ice- cream van.

‘Grayle? Little Grayle? Little Grayle Underhill, with the eye of Horus earrings? Well, well, well…’

‘Cindy, hi … uh, I didn’t expect to get through so easy.’

‘Why, because I am a big television star? A glittering celebrity with no time for his friends?’

‘Uh, no, I just …’

‘Are you all right, Grayle?’

Of course she was not all right; the radio waves were fairly crackling with an unexpected tension.

‘Well … good to hear your voice, lovely,’ Cindy said lightly. ‘So direct. So focused. So devoid of the omnipresent hidden agenda. A rare virtue, almost unknown at the BBC, where the truth lies buried under a thousand unintelligible memos.’

‘You’re saying you don’t have much time and you want me to be direct and upfront, right?’

Cindy laughed. ‘Grayle, I am alone in my humble caravan, my mystic’s cave. Kelvyn is in his case, recharging his batteries of bile. Outside the glorious St Bride’s Bay is serene to the horizon. We have for ever. How is Marcus?’

‘Recovering from three weeks’ heavy flu. He sends his, uh …’

‘Germs?’ said Cindy.

Grayle laughed nervously. ‘It’s about Marcus I called. I called for some advice. I’m using my cellphone in the yard. I told Marcus I needed some air, so if I start calling you Charlie or something you’ll know he just showed up.’

‘One moment. I shall settle myself on my bed-settee. There we are. Now. Tell me.’

‘OK. This is about a spiritualist medium. If a medium came to you and said she was like too scared to go into trance any more, on account of every time she did she was faced with this like heavy-duty, dark entity that crowded out all the rest of the, uh, spirits … what would your reaction be to that?’

‘My.’ Cindy blinked. ‘You do come up with them, don’t you, Grayle? This would be an experienced medium? One not easily fooled by the Great Cosmic Joker?’

‘Fifteen years, plus.’

‘And what does it want, this … entity?’

‘She doesn’t know.’

‘Didn’t she ask it?’

‘It doesn’t speak. She says it’s real distinct, more solid than anything she ever saw before and therefore scary