The pair of sliding doors at the living-room archway stood half open. Beyond, voices drew Paul against his will.
Spacious, the living room was furnished for two purposes: as a parlor in which to receive visiting friends, but also with two beds, because here Paul and Perri slept every night.
Jeff Dooley, a paramedic, stood just inside the sliding doors.
He gripped Paul fiercely by the shoulder and then urged him forward.
To Perri's bed, a journey of only a few steps, but farther than unwanted Rome. The carpet seeming to pull at his feet, to suck like mud under his shoes. The air as thick as liquid in his resistant to his progress.
At the bedside, Joshua Nunn, friend and physician, looked up as Paul approached. He rose as though under a yoke of iron.
The head of the hospital bed was elevated, and Perri lay on her back. Her eyes-were closed.
In the crisis, the rack holding her oxygen bottle had been rolled to the bed. The breathing mask lay on the pillow beside her.
She rarely needed the oxygen. Today, needed, it hadn't helped.
The chest respirator, which Joshua had evidently applied, lay discarded on the bedclothes beside her. She seldom required this apparatus to assist her breathing, and then only at night.
During the first year of her illness, she had been slowly weaned off an iron lung. Until she was seventeen, she required the chest respirator, but gradually gained the strength to breathe unassisted.
'It was her heart,' said Joshua Nunn.
She always had a generous heart. After disease whittled Perri's flesh, leaving her so frail, her great heart, undiminished by her suffering, seemed bigger than the body that contained it.
Polio, largely an affliction of younger children, had stricken her two weeks before her fifteenth birthday. Thirty years ago.
Ministering to Perri, Joshua had pulled back her blankets. The fabric of the pale yellow pajama pants couldn't disguise how terribly withered her legs were: two sticks.
Her case of polio had been so severe that braces and crutches were never an option. Muscle rehabilitation had been ineffective.
The sleeves of the pajama top were pushed up, revealing more of the disease's vicious work. The muscles of her useless left arm had atrophied; the once graceful hand curled in upon itself, as though holding an invisible object, perhaps the hope she never abandoned.
Because she'd enjoyed some limited use of her right arm, it was less wasted than her left, although not normal. Paul pulled down that sleeve of her pajamas.
He gently drew the covers over his wife's ruined body, to her thin shoulders, but arranged her right arm on top of the blankets. He straightened and smoothed the folded-back flap of the top sheet.
The disease hadn't corrupted her heart, and it had left her face untouched, as well. Lovely, she was, as she had always been.
He sat on the edge of the bed and held her right hand. She had passed away such a short time ago that her skin was still warm.
Without a word, Joshua Nunn and the paramedic retreated to the foyer. The parlor doors slid shut.
So many years together and yet such a short time
Paul couldn't remember when he began to love her. Not at first sight. But before she contracted polio. Love came gradually, and by the time it flowered, its roots were deep.
He could recall clearly when he had known that he would marry her: during his first year of college, when he'd returned home for the Christmas break. Away at school, he had missed her every day, and the moment that he saw her again, an abiding tension left him, and he felt at peace for the first time in months.
She lived with her parents then. They had converted the dining room to a bedroom for her.
When Paul arrived with a Christmas gift, Perri was abed, wearing Chinese-red pajamas, reading Jane Austen. A clever contraption of leather straps, pulleys, and counterweights assisted her in moving her right arm more fluidly than would otherwise have been possible. A lap stand held the book, but she could tam the pages.
He spent the afternoon with her and stayed for dinner. He ate at her bedside, feeding both himself and her, balancing the progress of his meal with hers, so they finished together. He'd never fed her before, yet he wasn't awkward with her, or she with him, and later what he remembered of dinner was the conversation, not the logistics.
The following April, when he proposed to her, she wouldn't have him. 'You're sweet, Paul, but I can't let you throw your life away on me. You're this? this beautiful ship that will sail a long way, to fascinating places, and I'd only be your anchor.'
'A ship without an anchor can never be at rest,' he answered. 'It's at the mercy of the sea.'
She protested that her ruined body had neither any comforts to offer a man nor the strength to be a bride.
'Your mind is as fascinating as ever,' he said. 'Your soul as beautiful. Listen, Per, since we were thirteen, I was never primarily interested in your body. You flatter yourself shamelessly if you think it was all that special even before the polio.'
Frankness and tough talk pleased her, because too many people dealt with her as though her spirit were as frail as her limbs. She laughed with delight-but still refused him.
Ten months later, he finally wore her down. She accepted his proposal, and they set a date for the wedding.
Through tears, that night, she asked him if the commitment he was making didn't frighten him.
In truth, he was terrified. Although his need for her company was so profound that it seemed to arise from his marrow, a part of him marveled-and trembled-at his dedicated pursuit of her.
Yet that evening, when she'd accepted his proposal and asked if he wasn't frightened, he said, 'Not anymore.'
The terror he hid from her vanished with the recital of their vows. He knew from their first kiss as husband and wife that this was his destiny. What a great adventure they'd had together these past twenty-three years, one that Doc Savage might have envied.
Caring for her, in every sense of that word, had made him a far happier man than he would otherwise have been-and a far better one.
And now she didn't need him anymore. He gazed at her face, held her cooling hand; his anchor was slipping away from him, leaving him adrift.
Chapter 48
Following a second night at the Sleepie Tyme Inne, waking at dawn, Junior felt rested, refreshed-and in control of his bowels.
He didn't quite know what to make of the recent unpleasantness.
Symptoms of food poisoning usually appear within two hours of dining. The hideous intestinal spasms had rocked him at least six hours after he'd eaten. Besides, if the culprit were food poisoning, he would have vomited; but he hadn't felt any urge to spew.
He suspected the blame lay with his exceptional sensitivity to violence, death, and loss. Previously it manifested as an explosive emptying of the stomach, this time as a purging of lower realms.
Tuesday morning, while he showered with a swimming cockroach that was as exuberant as a golden retriever in the motel's lukewarm water, Junior vowed never to kill again. Except in self-defense.
He had sworn this vow before. An argument could be made that he had broken it.
Unquestionably, if he hadn't killed Vanadium, the maniac cop would have blown him away. That was clearly an act of self-defense.
Only a dishonest or delusional man, however, could justify Victoria's killing as self-defense. To a degree, he'd been motivated by anger and passion, and Junior was forthright enough to admit this.
Zedd taught in this world where dishonesty is the currency of social acceptance and financial success, you
