Magic's Pawn

Then Tylendel's eyes focused for a moment on Vanyel. And Vanyel's heart spasmed at the flash of emotion he saw. A longing he'd not ever dreamed to see there. Directed at him.

 - oh - gods. I never - I thought - he can't -

He does. He is. Father will -

I don't care!

He snatched at what was proffered before it could be taken away.

'Vanyel - ' the blond began.

“ ‘Lendel - ' Vanyel interrupted, urgently, daring the nickname he'd heard his aunt use. 'Stay with me - please. Please.' His words tumbled over one another as he hurried to get them out before Tylendel could interrupt; he caught hold of the older boy's wrist. 'The ice is still there, I know it is, it's inside me and it's freezing me from the inside out - it's killing my - feelings. I think it's killing me. Please, please, don't leave me alone with it - '

'You don't know what you're asking,' Tylendel said, almost angrily; pulling his hand out of Vanyel's, his eyes no longer readable. 'You can't know. You don't know what Iam.'

'But I do,' Vanyel protested desperately. 'I do, the girls tell me things to get my attention - they told me you're - uh - shay'a'chern, they said. That you don't sleep with girls; that you - ' He felt himself blush, the rush of blood almost painful, his cheeks were so sore from crying.

'Then dammit, Vanyel, what do you think I'm made of?' Tylendel cried harshly, his face twisted and his eyes reflecting internal pain. 'What do you think I am?

Marble? You're beautiful, you're bright, you're everything I'd ever ask for - you think I can stay here and not want you? Good gods, I won't take advantage of an innocent, but what you're asking of me would try the control of a saint!'

'You don't understand. I know what I'm asking,' Vanyel replied, catching his wrist again before he could get up and stalk off into the dark. 'I do know.'

Tylendel shook his head violently and looked away.

' 'Lendel - look at me,' Vanyel pleaded, pouring his heart out in a confession he'd never have dared to make before this. 'Listen - I don't like girls either. I'm not an innocent, I know what I want, 'Lendel, please, listen - I've been - rl've bedded enough of them to know that they don't do anything for me. It's - about as mechanical as dancing, or eating. They just don't mean anything to me.'

Tylendel stopped trying to pull away, and turned a face to Vanyel that was so full of dumbfounded surprise that the younger boy had to fight hysterical laughter.

'And I do? You - ' Tylendel began, then his face hardened. 'Don't play with me, Vanyel. Don't toy with me. I've had that game played on me once already - and I don't want to hear you crying to Savil in the morning that I seduced you.'

Vanyel bit his lip, and looked directly into Tylendel's eyes, pleadingly. 'I'm not playing, 'Lendel. Please.' He felt his eyes sting, and this time didn't try to hide the two tears that spilled down his raw cheeks. 'I - I've been thinking about this for a long while. Almost since I got here, and they - told me about you. And you never laughed at me. You - were - kind to me. You kept being kind to me even when I was pretty rude. It meant a lot to me. And I didn't know how to thank you. I - started feeling - things around you. I was scared. I didn't dare let you guess. I didn't want to admit what I wanted; now I do.'

The older boy looked at him sideways. 'Which is?'

Vanyel gulped. 'I want to be with you, 'Lendel. And if you go - I won't have any choice but the ice - '

Once again Tylendel cupped his face between his strong hands, and gently brushed the tears away with hesitant fingers. He stared deeply into Vanyel's eyes for so long, and so searchingly, that Vanyel thought he surely must be reading right down to the depths of his soul. Vanyel held his gaze, and tried to make his own eyes say that he meant every word he'd said. Tylendel finally nodded, once, slowly.

Then he reached out, quite deliberately, and snuffed the candle before taking Vanyel back into his arms.

It was very dark; no light outside, no sound but the rain falling. After a moment, Tylendel chuckled with what sounded like surprise, and said softly into Vanyel's ear, 'I'm beginning to wonder just who's taking advantage of who, here.'

Then, a bit later, another chuckle to tell Vanyel that he was teasing. 'Move over, you selfish little peacock, I'm about to freeze to death.'

Then no words at all.

Then again, they didn't need words.

The halls were totally deserted, chill, and lit by lamps that were slowly flickering out as they used up the last of the night's oil. Savil's slow, weary footsteps echoed before and behind her without disturbing so much as a spider. At one point on the long walk back to her quarters from the Council Chamber, Savil wasn't entirely certain she was going to make it. She was so damned tired she was about ready to give up and lie down in the middle of the cold hall.

I'm getting too old for this, she told herself. No more younglings after this lot. I can't take the emotional ups and downs. And I truly cannot take these all-night sessions with a lot of stubborn old goats.

She grinned a little ironically at herself.

Of which I am one of the most stubborn. But gods - hours like this are for the young. I hurt. And I think I'm going to beg off 'Lendel's weather working lesson today, else my bones are going to ache more. Gods bless - the door at last.