Magic's Pawn

'She told me she can't understand how we stay so dotingly devoted to each other. She says we act like a couple of spaniels - you know, kick 'em, and they just come back begging to be kicked again - only worse, because we aren't kicking each other.'

'She just doesn't realize,' Vanyel said, sobered by a moment of introspection. ' 'Lendel, there is no way I'd fight with you, when any moment my father might find out about us and pull me home. I couldn't bear the idea of our last words being angry ones. I have to make every moment we have together a good memory.'

'Don't let it eat at you,' Tylendel interrupted. 'You're sixteen now; I'm seventeen. It's only two years before you're of age. We'll be all right so long as you can keep your end of things going with Lord Evan.'

Vanyel sighed. 'Gods, gods, two years - it seems like forever. It seems like it's been years already. I just can't imagine coming to the end of this.'

Tylendel stroked his hair, his hand as light as a breath of wind. 'You'll manage, ashke. You're stronger than you think. I sometimes think you're stronger than I am. I doubt I could be dealing successfully with the plate you've been handed. And whether or not you believe this, I think I depend as much on you as you do on me. Gala says so.'

'She does?' Vanyel's voice rose with his surprise. 'Really?'

'Frequently.' He sighed, and Vanyel wondered why. There were times when it seemed that there were some serious points of disagreement between Gala and her Chosen, usually involving Tylendel's tacit and unshakable support of his twin. Vanyel personally couldn't see what all the fuss was about. Even if 'Lendel hadn't had the close bond he did with Staven, even if Wester Leshara hadn't connived the painful suicide of 'Lenders mother, it would still have been his duty to support Staven. Even though Vanyel himself had a rather bitter and uncomfortable relationship with his own brother, Mekeal, if it came to an interHouse confrontation there was no doubt in his mind where he would stand, and he knew Mekeal was likely to feel the same. And given how much Tylendel owed to his brother for supporting him in the face of all opposition - well, Vanyel couldn't see what else he could do, in all decency and honor.

But then, there was a great deal about all this 'Herald' business he didn't understand. For instance -

' 'Lendel, if we make it that far - all the way to when you get your Whites - '

' 'If?' Don't think in terms of 'if,' love,' Tylendel chided, softly. 'It may not be easy, but we'll make it. Havens, I should talk about not being easy, when it's you that is having to take the worse share on your shoulders. But I'll help you, I'll help you all I can, and we will see this through to the other side.'

'Well, what's going to happen with us? When you get your Whites and I'm of age - what then?'

There was a long pause, and Tylendel's hand stopped moving, resting on the back of his neck. 'That's the easy part, really. First thing, you make up your mind about exactly what you want to do about Lord Withen. I mean, you could flat tell him about us, or you could just - let him find out. Whichever way you want. At that point the worst he could do is disown you, and you know everything I have is yours for the asking. The Circle won't stint me; I'll have more than enough to support two.'

'He probably will disown me,' Vanyel said bitterly. 'Which will mean I'll have to ask, 'Lendel.'

'So? We're partners, aren't we? It won't be charity, ashke; it'll be sharing.'

Vanyel squelched the automatic retort that it would still feel like charity. 'All right, assume I've told my father and I'm free to do what I want. Then what?'

'After that, Savil will turn the lovebirds over to another Herald and take me - us - out on a Field assignment. Us, because obviously I won't go without you; Savil knows that, so it's a given. That's a year, or thereabouts. But then - I don't know. I'm a Herald-Mage trainee; they usually give us permanent positions rather than having us ride circuit like the straight Heralds do. They'll probably put me either here at Haven, or out along the Border at the places where magic is needed.

Down by White Foal Pass, around the edge of the Pelagirs - '

 - 'Why? That's something that has me baffled. Why?' Vanyel asked. 'I mean, why are you going to do what somebody else wants? Why do you have to go where they say? Who are 'they,' anyway?'

' 'They' - that's the Heraldic Circle. Queen's Own, Seneschal's Herald, Lord-Marshal's Herald, the speaker for the Heralds with trainees - that's Savil - the speaker for the Herald-Mages and the speaker for the Heralds on circuit. And the Queen, of course, and the Heir. They're the ones who decide where Heralds and Herald-Mages will serve and what they'll do. That's - that's just the way it is. Van, I don't understand you now.' There was hurt in Tylendel's voice. 'Don't you want to go with me?'

'Oh, gods - ' Vanyel groped for Tylendel's free hand, and held it tightly. ' 'Lendel, I didn't mean that. I'd rather lose my arms and legs than lose you. I'll go wherever you go, and glad to. I'm just trying to get all this to make sense. Why are you doing this, going where they tell you, doing what they tell you to do? Why is this - Herald stuff - so important to you?'

Vanyel could almost feel Tylendel fumbling after the right words. 'It^s, I don't know, it's a kind of hunger. I can't help it. I've got these abilities, these Gifts, and I can't not use them. I couldn't sit here, knowing that there were people out there who need exactly the kind of help I can give them and not make the effort to find them and take care of them. It's like backing Staven - it's just something I could not even see myself not doing. I can't explain it, Van, I can't. I have to, or - or I'm not me anymore.'

Vanyel just shook his head a little. 'All right, I'll accept that. But I still can't really grasp it,' he confessed.

'Giving up everything to play nursemaid to a pack of people you don't even know. Won't you have any life of your own? Who are these hypothetical people that need you, that you're sacrificing your whole life for them?'

'Huh,' Tylendel said, 'You sound just like Stav - '

Suddenly he went rigid; 'Staven?' he whispered. 'Stav-'

Then his entire body convulsed as he screamed Staven's name. And the night erupted into chaos around them.