someone else they could contact that might help to bring him out of this mental abyss.
Savil's Hawkbrother masks on the wall behind Andrel's left shoulder gazed at her from dispassionate and empty eyeholes. Candles flickered on the table between them.
Neither of them had much interest in food at the moment; both their minds were on the boy sleeping behind the closed door behind Savil's chair. 'What we need,' she told Andrel glumly, eating a dinner she did not taste, 'is Lancir. We need his MindHealing; the boy's pulling farther away from touching with every moment he's awake, and I cannot get him to let me inside. He's barricading himself again; a different kind of barricade than that old arrogance, but it's there all the same. And Lance bloody would be out of touch right now.''
He sighed, his breath making the candleflame flutter, and pushed his own food around on his plate with his fork. 'I have to agree with you. Is there no chance you can get Lance back via Gate?''
She shook her head, shoving her frustration back down out of her way. She'd already been over this with Jaysen. 'Not without knowing where he is, and he's not a strong enough Thought-senser to read a Broadcast- sending. And we don't know what route he's taking home; could be one of half a dozen. If something were wrong with Elspeth we could afford to send out half-a-dozen Heralds to look for him, but - Vanyel just is not that important.' Her tone turned acid. 'Or so I've been told.'
Andrel frowned, and his eyebrows met. 'He may become that important; I'm shielding him as much as I can, but his trauma is still leaking through. Half the trainees are depressed to the point of tears right now, Gifted Bardic, Healer, and Herald, and it's all due to Vanyel's leakage.'
'Well what do you expect?' she countered, letting him see her very real anger.
'You saw the strength and depth of his Gifts. Even with raw channels he's Broad-sending without knowing it, and he has no more notion of how to shield than how to fly! And it's not every day you've got one half of a lifebonded pair left after the other half suicides. If he were trained, he'd be leaking. But nobody else believes how strong he is; they all think I'm letting my affection for Tylendel magnify everything that was connected with him out of all proportion to reality.'
'Gods!' he looked up from his plate with the expression of a stunned sheep. 'Vanyel and Tylendel - lifebonded?'
She nodded unhappily. 'I'm pretty damned sure of it; what's more, so are Mardic and Donni, and if anyone would recognize a bonding, it would be another bonded pair. I expected grief, mourning; the natural responses for a youngster who's lost his first love under rotten bad circumstances - I did not expect to find the kind of gaping emotional wounds I saw before he started shutting me out today. I’ve never seen that depth of feeling before in anyone, Herald, or no, except Mardic and Donni. So tell me; what the hell do I do about a broken lifebond?'
He shook his head, obviously at a loss. 'I can't tell you; I don't know. I don't Heal minds, I Heal bodies. And I don't know of anyone who Heals hearts.'
She sighed, and looked down at her congealing dinner. 'That's what I was afraid you'd tell me. I have more bad news; the relationship between them was one where 'Lendel was the leader and Van the follower. Van had gotten totally dependent on 'Lendel for all his emotional needs. I tried to warn 'Lendel, but - ' She shrugged. 'And to put the snow on the mountain, Van's got some guilt he's hiding from me, and all I can think is that he's convinced he cursed 'Lendel because he seduced Tylendel. Mind you, he didn't; from all I know I'm positive the seduction, if seduction it was, was mutual, but - there it is.'
'Jaysen,' Andrel said positively.
She nodded. 'Good bet, my friend. Jays has got all those Kleimar prejudices about same-sex pairings. He accepted 'Lendel, but mostly after I rammed his prejudices right up in his face. But Vanyel? Vanyel wasn't even a Herald-candidate when he and 'Lendel paired. Jays hasn't said a word, but you can bet on what he was thinking when he was keeping watch on him. Resentment that Van is alive and 'Lendel dead would be the least of it.'
'And Vanyel picked it up,' Andrel said sadly.
'Probably.' She took a bite, found it catch in her throat, and gave up trying to eat, shoving the plate away. 'From what I can tell, he's sensitive enough to pick up things you've forgotten for years and do it right through your shielding. Ah, gods.'
She rested both elbows on the table, and covered her sore eyes with her hands. A moment later she felt one of Andrel's hands stroking her hair, and dropped her own back on the table, giving him a good long look across the candleflames. His deeply green eyes were fixed on her face, reflecting a profound concern.
'And what about you?' he asked, barely above a whisper.
'I am trying to reach out to him,' she said, feeling old and tired and about ready to give up. 'I think I've convinced myself that none of this was any more his fault than it was anyone else's. I bloody well hope so, or he's going to be getting knives in the gut from me, too. And he doesn't deserve that. The rest - gods, I don't know what to do.'
'That isn't what I meant,' he replied, taking his hand away from her hair, and reaching for her wrist. 'I want to know how you're weathering this. Need a shoulder?'
'Want the truth?' She tensed all over, trying to keep from bawling like a little child. 'Yes, I need a shoulder, and no, I am not taking this well. I want 'Lendel back, Andy - he was my soul-son, and I loved him, and I want him back with me.'
Her voice cracked; she lost her veneer of calm, and just dissolved into tears. Andrel got up, gracefully, and without letting go of her wrist; he moved around the table, and pulled her to her feet, then led her over to the couch and gave her that shoulder she needed so badly.
The peaceful night rocked; Vanyel convulsed, wailing -
His cry sounded like something in its death agonies, and made Savil's hair stand on end.
The room trembled; literally. The walls shook as Vanyel's muscles spasmed.
His eyes were wide open, but saw nothing, and his pupils dilated with fear. He convulsed again, and the very foundation of the Palace rocked. The bed shook as if it were alive. His lute fell from the wall, landing with a sickening crack that surely meant it was broken past all repair; his armor-stand crashed over and scattered his equipment across the floor, and Savil was tossed from his bedside to the floor before she realized it.
She picked herself up off the floor beside his bed without thinking about safety or bruises, and flung herself at him again.
