politicians. And it was the bankers that caused all the problems we have now, right? So I guess there are two options — either the bankers did it deliberately, in which case it is a conspiracy, or they were all just plain stupid. In which case why are they getting million-pound bonuses?’
‘Yeah, well, my vote’s for the latter,’ said Sharpe. He looked across at Shepherd. ‘What’s your interest?’
Shepherd shrugged carelessly. ‘The Five case I’m on at the moment is about fundamentalist terrorism and there’s an al-Qaeda angle. I just wonder how much of what al-Qaeda does is about Bin Laden and how much is just disaffected Muslims. I don’t get the feeling that there’s a master plan at work. But maybe there is. Maybe there’s someone pulling all the strings on this, keeping our population in fear so that they won’t notice that one by one their civil liberties are being taken away.’
‘I think it’s much simpler than that,’ said Sharpe. ‘I think that there are a lot of unhappy people in the world and terrorism is just an excuse for them to vent their frustrations. A big chunk of the population is unhappy, unhappy enough to kill and maim civilians. And that’s a pretty scary thing to admit.’
‘And what about those guys?’ said Shepherd. ‘Kettering and Thompson.’
‘Them? They’re as mad as bloody hatters. But with guys like Sean and Roger with them they could be dangerous. If they know more guys like Sean they could do a hell of a lot of damage with those guns.’
‘And the grenades,’ said Shepherd. ‘Let’s not forget about the grenades.’
They drove in silence for a few minutes, then Sharpe sighed and stretched out his legs. ‘I sometimes wonder if we should even bother fighting this whole Muslim thing,’ he said.
‘What?’
Sharpe grimaced. ‘Well, first of all, they’re going to win in the end, aren’t they? They’re ten per cent of the population now, give or take. But they’re breeding way faster than us.’
‘Us?’
‘You know what I mean. I’ve got two kids, which just maintains the status quo. You’ve got only the one and there’s no sign of you having any more. But your average Muslim family breeds like rabbits. Six kids. Seven. Eight. And most of the guys have more than one wife. So they’re breeding faster than us. And it won’t be long before there are more of them than us and then they can vote in their own government and everything changes.’
‘You’re crazy,’ said Shepherd. ‘Even crazier than usual.’
‘You can’t argue with the maths,’ said Sharpe. ‘And if Turkey joins the EU then it’ll happen even faster. How many Muslims are there in Turkey? A hundred million? How many do you think will head over to the UK for benefits and the NHS? I tell you, Spider, we’ll be a Muslim country by the end of the century and probably a lot sooner.’
‘Yeah, well, neither of us will be around to see that.’
‘But that’s my point,’ said Sharpe. ‘Maybe we should be trying to speed things up.’
Shepherd shook his head. ‘Now you’ve lost me.’
‘Look, here’s the thing,’ said Sharpe. ‘Would it be so bad if we became a Muslim country? Because if you look into it, it’s not that bad for us guys. In fact, on balance, my life would be better.’
‘Now you’re being ridiculous.’
‘Hear me out,’ he said. ‘Under Islamic law men get to run things again. No more women bosses, no more female home secretaries, no more Charlotte Buttons breaking our balls. No more foul-mouthed chavs screaming in the street. And I’m all for covering the faces of the ugly ones when they’re out in public. The roads would be a lot safer as well, if they were prevented from driving. Women would do what women should be doing: staying at home and bringing up the kids. And we could have more than one wife too. Think how well that would work. You could have one as a cook, one as a cleaner, one for the bedroom, and one. .’ He struggled to find a reason for a fourth wife. ‘Anyway, you get my drift.’
‘You’re mad,’ said Shepherd.
‘Even the booze thing isn’t a problem,’ continued Sharpe. ‘We had a group of Algerian cops over doing an undercover course at Bramshill. Drank like fishes. And the Turks are Muslims but they brew a good beer. The only downside that I can see is bacon.’
‘Bacon?’
‘The pork thing. I love bacon butties and crackling and I wouldn’t want to give that up. But the prayer thing isn’t a problem. Look at those bastards who keep taking cigarette breaks — everything stops while they go out for a smoke. Well, I’d be happy enough to take five breaks a day for a lie-down.’
‘You don’t lie down, you soft bastard. You kneel and pray.’
‘You know what I mean,’ said Sharpe. ‘I’m just saying that five prayers a day is no hardship. And giving ten per cent of your money to charity is a good thing. Especially if that meant lower taxes. And putting women back in the home means that unemployment would go right down, which is great for the economy.’
‘Please tell me this is a joke, Razor,’ said Shepherd. ‘You’re starting to worry me.’
‘But the really great thing is the whole shariah law business. An eye for an eye. Now you tell me that the UK wouldn’t benefit from a policy of removing the right hands of thieves. Or castrating rapists. And I’d definitely go for beheading some of the scumbags I’ve put away rather than them doing twelve years in a cushy jail before being sent home to their families.’
‘And stoning adulterers?’
Sharpe scowled. ‘I’m not saying that there aren’t some negative aspects, but on balance I think there are advantages to shariah law. Plus, in every Muslim country I know of, the police are respected.’
‘Feared, you mean.’
Sharpe shrugged. ‘Fear or respect, they don’t spit in your face and get away with it like they do in this country.’
‘Come on, Razor. Corruption is rife in all those countries. You can buy your way out of their prisons, and the rich get away with murder.’
‘No system’s perfect,’ said Sharpe. ‘I’m just saying that perhaps we shouldn’t be fighting an Islamification that is going to happen eventually. Maybe we should start embracing it.’
‘Allahu akbar,’ said Shepherd.
‘Indeed,’ said Sharpe. ‘Fancy a curry?’
‘I thought a kebab would be more your thing after your Road to Damascus moment,’ said Shepherd.
‘No, mate, a curry and a couple of Kingfishers is what I need.’ He grinned. ‘Mind you, have you noticed that you never see women serving in curry houses? There’re no bolshy waitresses; it’s always guys. I’m sure that’s a Muslim thing.’
‘Razor, I swear to God, if you turn up for work in a man dress tomorrow I’m off this case.’ He grinned. ‘Okay, a curry it is. There’re a couple of good places in the centre of Hereford. Soon as we’ve dropped the guns off at the barracks we’ll swing by before we head back to London.’
Shepherd waited until he was back in his Hampstead flat before phoning Charlotte Button.
‘Kudos, Spider, that couldn’t have gone better,’ she said.
‘You got sound and video?’
‘We got everything. Well done.’
‘Yeah, well, it was more by luck than judgement, I have to say. If they hadn’t jumped at the chance of a drink I don’t know how else we could have got them to the pub.’
The pub they had gone to after the weapons demonstration had been fitted with hidden microphones and cameras and the farm workers outside had all been MI5 officers.
‘All’s well that ends well,’ she said. ‘And we now have Roger McLean in the frame and that’s priceless. They’ve already arrived back in Birmingham and we have a team on him as we speak.’
‘What about Sean?’
‘His name’s not Sean, for a start. Aidan McEvoy. Ulster Defence Association hard man. The PSNI lost sight of him a year or so ago and assumed that he was in Ireland.’
‘Why would the UDA get involved with the likes of Kettering and Thompson?’
‘We’re working on that. Might just be personal. Might be that he’s a hired hand. Of course it might also be that the UDA is connected to Breivik’s Knights Templar group, in which case we have a major problem.’
‘The UDA has plenty of arms so if they’re involved there’d be no need for them to be buying from me.’
‘That’s what we’re hoping,’ said Button. ‘A UDA lone wolf is bad enough; if the whole organisation was moving its attentions to the mainland we’d have a small war on our hands. But there’s no point in crossing bridges. We’ve got McEvoy under observation now so we’ll see where that leads us. But as far as today went, job well
