Brightly Burning

man-to-man, good against evil, no more than a few boys on either side.

This war—Well, the good against evil part was clear enough, but the rest! A combat that went on and on, masses of men clashing—the moment he tried to imagine it, he found he couldn't. He couldn't see his place in that chaos either.

What if he was a coward? Maybe that was why he couldn't imagine it.

He was very glad that the Great Square was so near the Palace, for he was able to get inside the walls long before anyone from that huge gathering could spot him. Right now, all he wanted was to hide.

Kalira hesitated a moment as they neared the Collegium, but he waved her away. 'Go on,' he urged, 'The others will want to hear what happened. I'll—be all right.'

That wasn't true; the truth was that he wanted very much to be alone. He didn't want her to know just how close to the breaking point he was. She already had more than enough to worry about. He could tell that she was tired and that she ached all over, that she was even more worried about this war than he was, worried for her friends, and her sire. She didn't need any more stress.

She was so exhausted that she didn't even argue with him or question him more closely. Instead, she headed straight for the stables, her head drooping.

He sought sanctuary in his room, locking the door behind him. He scrunched himself into a corner of his bed and hugged his knees to his chest, resting his forehead on them.

Give your enemy a face, Master Odo always said. If he is human, do not dehumanize him. Know him and know why he is your enemy. If your enemy is within you, understand what it is and why you are afraid. Put a face on your fear. When you understand it, and it is no longer vague and shapeless, you will find that your fear is no longer so formidable.

That was what he said, anyway. But how could you make a war less formidable and how could you face an all-too-concrete fear? He began to shake again, teeth chattering. How could he ever be what they wanted him to be? He was so afraid, so very afraid—

Someone tapped lightly on his door.

:Lan, you know I know you're in there,: Pol said patiently, his words for him alone. :I can understand not wanting to be pestered by your friends right now, but I think maybe we can help each other.: And when Lan didn't answer, Pol continued, :I have to tell you, this war scares the whey out of me.:

Herald Pol? Afraid? How could that be? But you couldn't lie mind-to-mind. Slowly, Lan uncurled himself, got off the bed, and went to the door. When he'd unlocked it, Pol didn't immediately come in. In fact, Lan was back in the same position on the bed when Pol pushed the door open, looked around, closed it behind him, and sat wearily on the side of the bed.

'I've got to make a confession to you, Lan. I've known this was coming, for some time. That's why I was put on the Privy Council.' He looked up at Lan, then down at his hands. 'Because of you—because I'm your mentor. If you want someone else now—'

'No!' Lan blurted, then blushed. 'No,' he said, more quietly. 'You were sworn to secrecy, I bet.'

Pol nodded. 'I was. I tried to give you some hints, but I couldn't really prepare you properly. Hellfires, I couldn't really prepare me properly; I was as stunned as you were when the King made that announcement. And I have to tell you, I am frightened witless, knowing I'm going to have to go to war.'

'Why should you be scared?' Lan asked bitterly. 'You've got loads more training than I do!'

'Why?' Pol's expression was as sour as Lan's. 'I'm more than old enough to be your father; I'm old, Lan. I don't move as fast, I don't have your endurance or your reflexes, and I don't have any Gift that's powerful enough to protect me. My wife is probably going to be in the front lines as well, and do you know what the Karsites do with captured Healers? If a Healer cooperates, they put her in chains and force her to Heal until she burns herself out. If she doesn't, they tie her to a stake and incinerate her on the spot.'

Lan hid his head against his knees. How could he have not thought of that? No matter what, at least he could protect himself and Kalira, and he didn't have anyone he loved facing the possibility of being burned alive.

'I'm sorry,' he said in a whisper. 'I didn't think—'

'Why should you? A candlemark ago you didn't even know there was going to be a war. I've had more than a moon to brood on this.' Pol didn't sound the least annoyed with Lan, and Lan finally looked up again. Pol was leaning back against the footboard of the bed, looking twenty years older than he had this morning. 'Anybody with any sense or imagination is going to be scared white at this prospect. Lan, you're not ready—but no one is going to be ready enough, or trained enough. The King isn't expecting you to do a fraction of what he claimed, and believe me, when we get out there, anything you can do is going to be far more than we had before.'

Lan sucked at his lower lip. 'But if the King doesn't expect me to do all that, why did he say it in front of all those people?'

Pol chuckled sadly. 'You haven't gotten to the theory of propaganda in your studies, I suspect. In your case, he's given people something special to think about—a gods-sent savior. With you on our side, how can we lose? He's boosting their spirits, which will in turn boost the spirits of our fighters. And he didn't make all that up. With enough practice, you will be able to do all those things.'

Lan's eyes widened, but Pol wasn't done.

'What's more, he turned you from a dangerous unknown, the boy who lost control of his Gift and contributed to a tragedy at the Merchants' School, to the boy who is ready to sacrifice himself for the good of all Valdemar. Now people won't flinch when they see you in the street, they're more like to cheer for you.'

Lan flushed. 'That doesn't seem—right,' he faltered. 'It seems like lying.'

Pol sighed, and shifted his weight so that the bed creaked a little. 'There, I agree with you to a certain extent, but Theran and Jedin see it as protecting you. With this much notoriety, if any more of the Jelnacks were