Magic's Promise

'I think whoever runs into him next ought to call him on it - no, let me amend that. Whichever of the two of us, Van. Jervis, I'm sorry, but if it comes to magic, you're defenseless. I'm pretty certain Van and I could contain the worst of anything he could do.'

'The boy wouldn't hurt anybody, and especially not me,' he insisted stubbornly. 'I know it, damn it, I just know it!'

'Forgive me, but I'd rather not take the chance,' Savil said dryly. 'I hate picking up my acquaintances in palm-sized pieces. We've eaten this particular bird down to bones; let's let things simmer for a bit, and let's do something about dinner.'

'Gods.' Vanyel slid off the stool, held out his hands and watched them shake with a certain bemusement. 'I just ate, and after this to-do, my stomach should be in knots. Instead, I could eat a cow.'

'Don't fill up,' Savil cautioned him, as they left Jervis mulling over the unpleasant things he'd heard. 'There's Harvestfest tonight.'

'What?' He looked at her, bewildered. 'Harvest - can't be - oh, gods -'

He counted up the passing days in his mind, and when he arrived at today, he could feel the blood draining out of his face. 'Oh, gods. It's Sovvan. I lost track of time...' He stopped dead in the path, legs gone leaden, mind gone numb. Sovvan-night. Year's turning.

The night Tylendel had died.

Coming on top of all the rest of it - exhaustion, confusion, the verbal fight with Jervis -

It was too much. What little emotional balance he had left evaporated so quickly that he felt dizzy, as if he was dangling over a precipice.

His internal turmoil must have been mirrored clearly on his face. Savil moved closer to him, brows knitting in concern. 'Van-ke 'chara-let it go. You aren't helping yourself by brooding.'' She put her arm around his shoulders. 'Go down to the barns with the others. I'm going to -“

He scarcely felt it. All he could see was -

- a crumpled, lifeless shape.

He clamped an iron control down over his face. “That's not something I can do,' he replied stiffly. 'I can't forget, especially not tonight. I won't ever forget...'

'Then, for the gods' sake, for your own sake, find something to distract you-music, dancing -'

'No, Savil.' He pulled away from her, and forced himself to walk steadily toward the keep. 'You deal with grief your way, and leave me to deal with it in mine.'

'But - '

He shook his head stubbornly, unwilling to say more, and not sure that he could. Forget 'Lendel? How can I forget-how can I ever forget?

Oh, 'Lendel -

There was only one place where he could escape the sounds of celebration; the stone porch on the north side of the keep. All other interests had vanished when he realized what night it was; now all he wanted was solitude.

The lingering warmth of this fall had fooled him, usually. Sovvan-tide was marked by ice-edged rains and bitter winds.

Like the storm that night -

Usually he tried to find something useful to do - like stand guard-duty, or spell someone at courier, or even take the place of one of the Guardians watching the Web. Anything, so long as it was work, and didn't involve interacting with people, only serving them.

He'd completely forgotten that he'd be spending Sovvan here, in presumed idleness; leisure that would only give him the opportunity to remember how utterly alone he was.

It hadn't been this bad the first few years; in the first two, in fact, there had been moments when he thought he'd felt that treasured and familiar presence waiting, watching. But as the years passed - and it became clear that