an impertinent question. Was it my imagination, or was there an air of desperation about all of this~ As if folk were doggedly determined to enjoy themselves?' Darkwind had been wondering if he was the only one to notice that.
'It was not your imagination,' he replied quietly.
'I thought not.' Tre'valen nodded. 'Your people escaped the hand of Falconsbane by a very narrow margin. Whether it was the hand of the Goddess or of chance, or both together, there was little they could have done of themselves to free this Clan from his influence. I wondered if they knew how narrow their escape was. Your father, for instance-'
'They know,' Darkwind replied, carefully steering the conversation away from his father. That was another whole situation he was not quite ready to deal with yet. 'They simply don't dwell on it. And they know that our troubles are not yet over, which accounts for that desperate enjoyment you noted.'
'But the urgency iss lesss,' Hydona said. 'All that hass occurrred, hass bought k'sheyna time. Thisss celebrration-it wass a good thing.
It iss a relief from the tenssion. Bessidesss... other changess arre coming.
Darkwind decided to leave that typically gryphonish-meaning crypticremark alone.
'You could be reading Iceshadow's mind,' he smiled. 'After all the troubles, the fear-' and the other things no one wants to talk about, like discovering what had been done to my father' It was just a good idea to give everyone something pleasurable to think about for a little while. A relief.' He scratched Hydona's neck ruff absently, and she half-closed her eyes with pleasure. One of the gryphlets rolled over, chirring contentment in its sleep. 'A day or two of rest isn't going to alter the Heartstone question, but it might make all the difference in letting us gain a fresh outlook.' Tre ' valen raised an eyebrow, but said only, 'Some look as if they need a rest more than a fresh outlook. Starblade, for instance.' Don't ask too many impertinent questions, shaman. I might answer them, and you might not care for the answers. I am not altogether certain that the Shin'a'in are ready to embrace the problems of their cousins, no matter how many Wingsib Oaths are sworn. What you do not officially know, you need not act upon.
Treyvan raised his head from his foreclaws. 'You look rrready for a frresh outlook, Darrkwind,' he said, as Darkwind tried unsuccessfully to suppress a yawn. 'The outlook you may have frrom yourrrr bed.'
'I think you're right,' he admitted, glad of the excuse to escape from a conversation that was becoming increasingly uncomfortable. He didn't particularly want to discuss the problems of k'sheyna, at least not now, when his tired mind and tongue might let things slip he would rather were not revealed.
The way he felt about Starblade, for instance. His heart was still sore and shaking from the revelation that the cold, critical 'father' of the past several years had not been the father who had taught him his first lessons in magic-and who had worn the costumes his son had designed for him with such open pride.
The fact that Starblade had worn one of those costumes tonight, which was not only the Wingsib Oathing, but the first time he had taken part in the social life of K'Sheyna since Darkwind had freed him, had left him on very uncertain emotional ground. In a very real sense, he had a new father-but Darkwind was years older, and there was deepset pain between them. It was going to take some time before his feelings were reconciled.
He imagined it was much the same for Starblade. The only difference between what he and his father had to cope with was that Starblade had known the truth but had not been able to act upon it, while Darkwind had been able to act but had not known the truth. Equally painful situations.
He yawned again, and this time did not take the trouble to hide it. 'I think I must be getting old,' he said. 'My ability to celebrate until sunrise is not what it once was. And I did promise young Elspeth that her lessons would continue when we both arose from sleep-' He ignored Tre'valen's suggestive smirk. '-so rather than finding her waiting at the foot of my ekele, I think I will seek my own bed and see if I might wake before she does.'
'A good plan,' chuckled Tre'valen. 'Zhaihelleva.
'And to you, all,' he replied, and rose from the soft turf beside the pool, brushing off his seat. He retraced his steps, this time heading for the path that ultimately led out of the Vale. Even though he was reconciled with Starblade, the fluctuating power of the Heartstone made him uncomfortable, and he disliked having to sleep near it. Starblade and the rest understood, and his 'eccentricity' of maintaining a dwelling outside the safe haven of the Vale was no longer a subject of contention.
His path tonight, however, was not a direct one. Three times he had to interrupt his path with detours to avoid trysts-in-progress. He should have expected it, really; the end result of a celebration was generally trysting all over the Vale, of whatever tastes and partners.
So why am I going back to my ekele alone ~ He'd never lacked for bedmates before. Actually, if he hadn't been so choosy-or was it preoccupied-he wouldn't have lacked for bedmates tonight.
He could say that he mourned for Dawnfire, and that would have been partially true. He missed her every time he thought of her, with an ache that he wondered if he would ever lose. She had been the one that he'd thought would actually work out as more than a bedmate; their interests and pleasures had matched so well. The fact that she hadn't died made the situation worse, in some ways. She had become something he could see, but could not touch. Now at least, after much thought, the first, sharp sorrow had passed, the sorrow that had been like an arrow piercing his flesh. Now what he felt was the pain of an emotional bolt lodged in place, poisoning his blood with regret.
He also knew that Dawnfire would have been the first to tell him to get on with his life. If she had been with him, if he had lost another lover, she would whisper to him to take a bedmate, and some pleasure, to ease the pain. That was just her way, another thing he had loved her for.
SO why hadn't he taken one or more of those offers for companionship tonight?
Because he didn't want any of them. They simply didn't fit his real, if vaguely defined, desires.
And to tell the truth, he wasn't sure what he wanted. Elspeth was the only person tonight who had attracted him. But along with every other way she made him react, he was afraid-afraid that she might draw him into a deeper relationship than he intended.
She would leave the Vales and return to her Valdemar; and his people were here. There could be nothing lasting between them emotionally, save wistfulness over what might have been. But they would be spending most of their time together, now that she was a Wingsister; it was his duty to teach her, and hers to help defend the Vale for as long as she dwelled here. The Council had made it clear that he was responsible for her. If it turned out that Elspeth was equally attracted to him-that her ways were similar to his people in the matter of loveplay and they became more than casually involved-perhaps they could pursue some of the techniques in which sexual magic
