'Fine, then you're sorry. It's all sorted.'
Jacob was stumped once more. He had never been at such a complete and utter loss for words in all his life. He opened his mouth to say something, he didn't know what, and was left gaping like a fish for several moments before closing it again. She was frustrating, the whole situation was maddening, but he couldn't exactly express that either, it just built up like a fitful ball in his brain pan.
'Shouldn't you check on things?' She asked quietly.
'Stephanie's settling everyone in the cargo hold and crew quarters. There's nothing more to do.'
'Oh.'
He stood in silence for another protracted moment until he finally couldn't stand it any longer. There was only one thing on his mind, of all the things that had been going on, no matter how dire, when he saw Ayan there was only one thing in my mind. 'I'm sorry about what I said before, that it's you.'
'What in blazes were you thinking with that? I mean what in hell did you mean by saying I'm the bloody root of your problems?' She exploded so suddenly he took a step backwards, his back hit the door. It didn't open.
She was a flurry of golden curls, gesticulating hands and flying tears. 'You've got a ship full of random people and objects you could have ranted off on but instead you turn on me and come screaming; 'it's you!''
His resolve sprang back. Jake's frustration at the whole situation came to the fore as he replied; 'It is you! You and Jason and Minh and Oz and Laura and the you that came before and died right on my bloody ship! What am I supposed to give back that repays that kind of blind devotion! You cross entire sectors and say; 'here I am!' and I'm in no position to give you the kind of welcome you deserve. I can't pay you, I can't give you a ship, I can't take you home if you decide it's the wrong decision, and I certainly can't keep you safe!' This is unlike me. He thought as he felt the first pangs of loss, the first tear crest his eye. I don't break down. 'I can't even keep the daughter I created from harm! I watched her die and all I can keep thinking is that she's just the first. Who's next? Oz? Minh? You?' He was in Alice's home, the cabin she'd spent hours in while she looked for him, escaped from harm, travelled the stars. It was her refuge. 'She should be here. If I hadn't put her in command, if she hadn't come after me on Pandem she'd be free to run. She should've never found me, none of you should have come!'
Ayan finally understood what he'd meant as she watched the unbreakable, indomitable Captain Jacob Valance fall apart before her eyes. Even in his dark armour, ready for anything he seemed so much smaller. She hadn't heard that Alice died, but from what he was saying it was plain. He doesn't understand why we're here either. How can someone who doesn't trust anyone beyond what they're paid to do trust anybody? Ayan thought as she closed the distance between them.
His heel twisted against the door and he fell to his knees, sight obscured with tears he tried desperately to fight. She slowly wrapped her arms around him and laid his head against her chest, tucked under her chin. 'I'm sorry Alice passed on. I didn't know.'
His hands wrapped around her waist.
She stroked his face as chest wracking sobs shook him. She'd heard the story before. Alice had rescued him from a Vindyne laboratory and left him on the Samson. It was just barely functional then, and he had no memory of who he was or that he was the recreation of another man, Jonas Valent. He became a bounty hunter, recruited a crew and began travelling the galaxy in search of the woman who'd left him in the cargo hold of his ship. The woman who had called him Father before leaving him there. It was the only footage he had of Alice. Ayan had never seen it before, but hearing the story she imagined Jacob playing it back when no one was looking. She became as much a part of his life as though she were his own flesh and blood. Losing her was like losing a part of himself, no different from losing a daughter he'd raised.
When he calmed down she bent a little and kissed the top of his head. 'You know there's no one else I'd cross the stars for. You don't have to give us anything. You don't even have to understand it. Just trust us. We're here to stay.'
