Pain. Whenever Jacob Valance tried to duplicate the physical sensation that preceded the act of healing Ayan after she'd been shot several times in the back on Pandem, the only result was rending pain. That morning it was his fingers. After emerging from the vibroshower and pulling his vacsuit on up to his waist he took the opportunity to try to force that projecting, healing sensation again in the tips of his fingers.
They twitched involuntarily, it was only slight, but a definite sign that what was going on wasn't all in his head. Then there was a tingle, the same type that came whenever he connected to a computer system, followed by an agonizing tearing that felt like his fingertips were being torn apart from the inside. Jake could only make the conclusion that he was doing something wrong, missing a step, it couldn't be that painful to access a function of his own body. What kind of designer would create life giving technology that caused so much pain?
He shook his hand, giving up for the day and stepped out of the small private bathroom. He and Ayan had been up talking most of the night.
Since the First Light they had taken very different paths, there were so many stories to share, and every time he offered one her big blue eyes focused on him. Most of them were from his days on the Samson, where he played the stoic captain and everyone else just tried to make the best of life on the old ship as they made their way across entire sectors.
Most of the stories starred Stephanie, Frost, Ashley, Agameg Price and Ramirez. He hadn't realized how many of their adventures were humorous in retrospect, but he was grateful for each one. Making Ayan laugh was addictive; he would burn the image of her dimpled smile into his brain if it were possible. It made the sadder stories more difficult to tell, and he generally refrained from bringing the darker times up, but when Ayan asked what happened to Ramirez, a boarding crew member who had been responsible for as many humorous predicaments as glory moments, he owed her the sobering answer.
While they were taking the Triton he had led a group of armed crewmembers to fight off boarders in the Enreega system. They fought them toe-to-toe in the main hangar and lost. Ramirez was almost dead, and could have medicated himself into emergency stasis, but decompressed the entire hangar just as several boarding shuttles touched down and unloaded fresh squads of enemy soldiers.
They were pulled out into space, and Ramirez went along with them. His vacsuit had been so badly damaged that it wouldn't reseal, and he died of exposure. Ayan's sympathy was plain, she'd lost people during her service with the military as well, some of whom had gone during their service on the First Light.
She had stories to tell as well, though hers were more peaceful. Some came from her late Freeground Fleet Academy days, others featured people she'd worked with after serving aboard the First Light, colleagues Laura and she were in Special Projects with. Ayan called her time there 'Lab Life' because, according to her, it was impossible to have an open conversation with anyone who didn't work in the lab, and the place had a subculture all its own.
Most of their work was classified the instant they entered it into a data receptacle, even the abandoned invisible straw idea that Laura and her worked on as a pet project from time to time.
'Why didn't it work?' Jake couldn't help asking.
'Making a straw out of energy fields isn't easy,' she explained. 'Sometimes it would pinch, it took us forever to get past the floating problem, other times it would miss the mark completely and poke you in the eye or find its way up your nose. Once it shocked Percy, one of our lab assistants, so hard he didn't trust us for months. It was something we’d play with when we hit a wall on something more important. We never got the straw working right, but we always came away from it fresh. I can’t tell you how many good ideas we had while we were puzzling it out.'
She also told him about the high point of her friendship with Laura, the events leading up to and eventual wedding between Laura and Jason. Watching two of her best friends get married, knowing that they'd keep each other happy for the rest of their lives. It was like watching a dream come true, even though it wasn’t her wedding. It was one of the last things she remembered before waking up in her apartment in the Freedom Tower.
Just like Jacob's journey over the past few years, Ayan's experiences since the First Light were overshadowed by difficulties. She was plagued by Manos Disease, a genetic affliction that had progressed too far in her to be cured. She hated being taken care of, never wanted to call attention to herself, especially when everyone else was having a good time. That's one of the reasons why the wedding was so memorable, she was having one of her last good days and her losing battle with Manos Disease didn't make itself known.
The missing years were difficult for Ayan to accept. Jacob saw it for the first time since she'd arrived on the Triton. Her predecessor had left hours and hours of recordings behind, all addressed to a future version of herself; one that wouldn’t be afflicted. No one had told the Ayan who had wasted away that Doctor Anderson had begun work on imprinting her memories onto a genetically restored version of her, but she knew a high resolution scan of her body and mind had been taken. She knew she would live again, and it quietly gave her hope that she'd live on in one form or another.
Ayan, the one sitting across form Jake for most of the night before, was always conscious that she was living a special life, that in a way she was someone else's second chance and she vowed to make every day count, to touch other people's lives in memorable ways. Listening to and viewing her predecessor’s recordings were at the same time uplifting and saddening. It was her, that woman who thought the same, hoped the same and dreamed the same, only she knew she wouldn’t be saved, that she would die prematurely.
She didn't listen to the recordings as often as she liked, only for a while every few days. Ayan supposed it was as much that it was an emotional drain for her as it was that once she had listened to everything her predecessor had to say, there would be nothing more, ever. It would be like she was truly gone, that in her own unique way she would be alone.
It was Ayan's time to cry in his arms, as he did only hours before then when he let the pain that came with losing a daughter break loose, she was mourning the loss of self. It was then that Jacob realized that he was one of the few people in the universe who could understand what she was going through. Knowing you were a copy, even a cherished copy, was its own complex burden.
When it was over 'she felt silly,' and they continued taking turns telling stories.
Late into the night they went on and on, avoiding the question that plagued everyone inside and outside the Clever Dream; where is Triton? They would take some time to catch up, two of their main thrusters were ruined, but no one knew exactly how long it would take them to arrive. The popular estimate was ten hours, which gave them enough time to make themselves at home, and time for Jake to begin to get to know the woman Ayan had become. She was so different, so strong, and so beautiful.
He looked around the smaller First Officer's quarters briefly. A double bed, small table, three chairs, cupboards, modest closet and a small bathroom made for generous quarters. There were two other quarters that were the same save the closet right beside his, soldiers who had won a lottery held on Crewcast had spent the night in them.
Stephanie was surprised when she discovered he wasn't sharing the Captain's quarters with Ayan. What surprised her even more was that Ayan was given the Captain's quarters, the look of confusion she gave him was cut short by a shrug as she made her way to one of the three small bunk rooms. She didn’t give him time to explain that Ayan and he had just spent hours talking, reconnecting. It was a good thing; he didn’t know what he would say to Stephanie.
They worked closely together for a long time on the Samson, gotten to know each other well without saying much at all. He wasn’t attracted to her until they took the Triton, and even then, it was sudden, nearly inexplicable. Not long after his friendship with Stephanie became physical, Ayan reappeared, fading any chance Stephanie and he had of going further. He didn’t regret getting closer to Stephanie, especially since it was a brief encounter, out of sight on the then empty Samson cargo bay, but he still couldn’t look Frost in the eye. He only hoped that if Stephanie ever told him, she would warn him first.
It wasn’t long before such thoughts were far out of his mind. He was so tired by the time he made it to the first mate’s bed that he was asleep almost immediately. Lewis didn't wake him up on time. He didn't wake anyone up on time. Instead of sounding the alarm at the ten hour mark he waited fourteen.
Jake, Ayan and several other crewmembers slept in. It was welcome, but the question became more urgent; where was Triton? Lewis had enlisted the help of Minh, who had boarded during the evening, in scanning the area for any sign, so there was no point in joining them on the small bridge before he had to.
Randolph Lalonde
