The Transcendental Murder

Tom and John were helping Gwen load her white elephants into the pickup. John had worried circles under his eyes. One of the white elephants was a huge mahogany-veneer loudspeaker cabinet, and John wanted it desperately. He sat beside it in the truck and followed it possessively into the vestry of the church, where Gwen was setting up her table. She had to shoo him out. 'No customers till the bazaar opens at ten o'clock,' she said.

'It seems awfully stupid to me,' said Tom, 'to haul this thing all the way to church and then all the way back again.' But Gwen, who had a stern New England conscience, didn't think it was moral to sell her elephants ahead of time.

'Please, Mom, you won't sell it to anyone else, will you?'

'Whoever gets here first,' said Gwen piously. 'It wouldn't be right to hold anything for my own family.'

So John hung on to the doorhandle outside the entry, scorning the pony rides that had started early. Mary stood beside him, and when the chairwoman of the bazaar opened the door, Mary managed to block a large crowd of greedy-looking children and let John squeeze in first. He streaked for his mother's table.

'Well, hello there, John. Anything I can do for you today?'

'H-has anybody...?'

'No, dear, of course not. It's all yours.'

Later in the day Mary walked back from the library to check on her sister. 'Aren't you tired?' she said. 'Isn't someone going to take over and let you get some lunch?'

'I'm fine,' said Gwen. 'Grandmaw's going to come over after while and take my place. Do you know, someone actually bought that defunct ant-farm and the inside-out umbrella? They went the first ten minutes. Maybe I underpriced them. I've still got lots of lovely things, though. Don't you want to buy something? We can always take it to the dump on the way home.'

Mary looked the collection over, to see if there was anything less useless than the rest. She passed over the salt-and-pepper shakers shaped like drunks leaning on lampposts, the cut-glass pickle dish, the old phonograph records, the cracked dishes, the yellowed dresser scarves, the Donald Duck doorstop, the dented-in ping-pong ball ... and her eyes came to rest on the tricorn hat.

'Where did that come from?' she said. 'It wasn't here this morning.'

'Mrs. Bewley brought it over. She brought the glove, too, and the half-harmonica and the rusty letter-opener and three pairs of broken sunglasses and this nice trylon-and-perisphere paperweight. She wanted to give me her neckpiece, too, but I made her keep it. I don't think the First Parish should ask for that much of a sacrifice. She helped herself to a few things while she was here, of course, but I was glad to get rid of them anyway.'

Mary bought the tricorn hat for a quarter, and looked around for Mrs. Bewley. She found her at the food table, swiping a cooky and being glared at by Mrs. Jellicoe. Mary clung to Mrs. Bewley's bony arm, bought her a dozen brownies and then drew her out into the corridor. But the uproar from the Children's Midway downstairs was so great that she had to lead her out of doors. Freddy was going by on a pony, with Grandmaw walking beside him, holding him on.

'MRS. BEWLEY,' shouted Mary, 'WHERE DID YOU GET THIS HAT?' She waved it at Mrs. Bewley and pointed at it.

Mrs. Bewley clasped her hands. 'THAT'S GOING TO LOOK REAL NICE.'

'No, no, Mrs. Bewley. WHERE DID YOU GET IT?'

'WHAT?'

'THE HAT. WHERE—DID—YOU—GET—IT?'

'OH, OH, I SEE. LET ME SEE NOW, I WAS JUST COMING BACK FROM THAT PARADE, YOU KNOW, THAT THEY HAVE? AND I FOUND SOME REAL NICE THINGS. THERE WAS A NICE BEER BOTTLE, THE GREEN KIND, NOT THE BROWN KIND, I DON'T COLLECT THE BROWN KIND, AND A WALLET WITH TEN DOLLARS IN IT THAT BELONGED TO MR. RICHLEY, I COULD TELL BY THE PICTURES OF HIS FAMILY. WANT TO SEE? THE BABY'S ADORABLE.'

'YOU MEAN THE APRIL 19TH PARADE? WAS THE HAT THERE AT THE BRIDGE?'

'NO, NO, IT WAS IN THE FIELD THERE, OVER THERE ON THE OTHER SIDE.'

'DID YOU SEE ANYONE THERE AT THE TIME? A BOY SCOUT? A MAN ON A HORSE?'

'OH, IT DIDN'T BELONG TO A SOUL, IT WAS JUST LYING THERE ALL ALONE.'

'THANK YOU VERY MUCH, MRS. BEWLEY.'

'OH, DON'T MENTION IT.'

*42*

'Miracles have ceased.' Have they indeed? When? —Ralph Waldo Emerson

'It's the Prescott hat, all right,' said Chief Flower. 'This strand of fiber that was stuck inside the band matches that cheap orange wig. But that doesn't tell us whether it was worn by anybody else after Charley wore it the first time.'

'You know,' said Mary, 'this is probably a waste of time, but do you think there might be any point in our looking around Mrs. Bewley's house? Maybe she picked up something else. You don't suppose she carried home that great long gun, too?'

Homer threw back his head, convulsed by the picture of Mrs Bewley as a Minuteman. But then they went and paid her a call. She lived in a small house on Lowell Road, with an infinitesimal parlor, a miniature bedroom and a dollsize kitchen. Mrs. Bewley herself was quite large and angular, and she had to bend herself around her furniture. She was overjoyed to see Mary and Homer, and she shouted them in for tea. It was pouring rain outside and Homer and Mary were glad to duck indoors and take off their wet coats. There was no difficulty in getting Mrs. Bewley's permission to look around. She adored exhibiting her Collection of Things.

Homer was particularly impressed by her collection of beer bottles (the high-class green ones only). She had a whole lot of matchbooks with pictures of pussycats on them, and a drawerful of miscellaneous mittens. Mary recognized one that had belonged to Annie. She had NEVER SEEN SUCH A DARLING MITTEN.

'OH, TAKE IT, TAKE IT,' hollered Mrs. Bewley.

The little room was overwhelming. It seemed bursting at the seams with overstuffed plush decked with antimacassars. Antimacassars were Mrs. Bewley's favorite swiping material. It was so easy. Just swish, pop, and there you were. Stalking around the room were her little pets, four or five bantam hens and a tiny rooster. They kept getting their claws tangled in the antimacassars. Homer made the mistake of sitting down without looking in one of the chairs. There was a small punksh, and he got up with an infinitesimal egg dripping from his backside.

'OH, TOO BAD,' cried Mrs. Bewley, dabbing at him with an antimacassar. 'BRIDGIE'S SUCH A GOOD LAYER, SHE DOES LIKE THAT CHAIR, SEE?' Mrs. Bewley felt around in the voluptuous bulges and crevices of the chair and triumphantly brought up two more small eggs, like a child finding jelly beans at Easter.

Mary decided to remain standing. 'WHAT'S IN THOSE PAPER BAGS, MRS. BEWLEY?' she shouted.

Mrs. Bewley looked ecstatic. 'MESSAGES, ALL MESSAGES.'

'MESSAGES?'

'FROM JESUS. HE SENDS ME MESSAGES ALL THE TIME.'

For a wild moment Mary wondered if Mrs. Bewley was a sort of super-Transcendentalist, seeing sermons in stones and lessons in the running brooks. Or was she a sort of innocent natural saint, and were the paper bags filled with long curling ribbons inscribed with Gothic messages in Latin, like the ones you saw in old Flemish pictures with the Virgin and the angel Gabriel?

But the first thing that came out of a paper bag was a startled hen named Priscilla. ('WHY, PRISCILLA, YOU NAUGHTY GIRL, SO THAT'S WHERE YOU'VE BEEN.') Next Mrs. Bewley had to scrabble around until she brought out Priscilla's six teeny-weeny eggs and established them under Priscilla again on top of the sofa. Then she plunged back into the bag again, peering into the top like a skinny Mrs. Santa Claus and then rolling her eyes up at the ceiling while she felt around. 'THERE!' She came up with her hand closed around something and held it behind her back coyly. 'WHICH HAND?'

Homer groaned under his breath, but Mary heroically chose the left. That was wrong. She chose the right. Mrs. Bewley brought forth her treasure. It was a message, all right, from the Jubble Bubble Chewing Gum Company. It had once encased a large pink piece of bubble gum, long since chewed and gone to glory. Mrs. Bewley reached