Cowboy says, Let me talk to my horse.
“Cowboy calls his horse over, whispers in the horse’s ear, horse thunders off, and just before sundown the horse shows up with a beautiful redhead on its back.”
“Man or woman?”
“In my story it’s a woman. Has to be for the story to work. You’ll see.”
“All right.”
“Cowboy takes the redhead into the tent and they make love, he puts her on the horse, and the horse thunders off, taking the redhead back to town. Or wherever.
“Next day. Oh yeah. The horse has come back. That’s important.”
Leonard sighed.
“Chief says, This is your second day, your second wish. What’ll it be? Cowboy says, Let me talk to my horse. He whispers in the horse’s ear, and off thunders the horse.
“Near dark, horse shows up with a beautiful blonde on its back. Cowboy and the blonde go into the tent where he’s held captive, and make love. He puts the blonde on the horse, and the horse takes her away.”
“Don’t forget the horse comes back again… Am I right?”
“Yeah. The horse comes back. So, the horse is back, and it’s the last day, and the chief says, Pick this wish wisely, cowboy, because it’s your last.
“The cowboy sighs, says, Let me talk to my horse. He calls the horse over and grabs it by the ears and puts his face close to the horse’s face. He says to the horse, Listen, stupid. Read my lips.
POSSE. POSSE.”
I paused.
“Yeah,” Leonard said. “So.”
“Think about it…”
“Oh, I get it. Now isn’t that funny. The horse thought he was saying pussy. You heteros are just full of fuckin’ fun. Hap, I want to go home. Tell me what happened with the phone call.”
I told him.
“You got us a room in town, though, right?”
“That’s right.”
“So the worst is a little delay?”
“Well, yes. But…”
“Oh, shit. No.”
“Don’t panic.”
“Don’t hesitate.”
“I’m supposed to call Charlie tomorrow. He’s setting things up. But way I see it, Ferdinand saved our lives. You’re out of it anyway. Why don’t I sort of help them out on the boat.”
“You can’t even float a paper boat, Hap, let alone go out on the ocean and fish. Didn’t you learn anything from our short cruise?”
“Yeah, don’t insult the guy at the ship’s restaurant. You’re blaming me, but think about who really got us into this mess.”
“It was your idea to go on a cruise.”
“Actually, it was John’s.”
“You’re right. When we get home we’ll kill him.”
“I bet he’s watching that Kung Fu thing right now.”
“Could be. Or he’s taping it. Him and Charlie probably call each other up and talk about the characters.”
“You see, Leonard, way I see it is, I can at least volunteer to be a deckhand till the old man gets better. It’s a bad wound, worse than yours, but he can probably get around in a few days. Beatrice and I can take care of business till then. And there’s another thing.”
“There always is.”
“Ferdinand owes some money.”
“Define ‘owes some money.’ ”
“I think I should help you to the outdoor convenience.”
“I didn’t ask to go.”
“I think you should go anyway.”
“Well, actually, I do need to go.”
“Good, that way I can tell you in private.”
Leonard rolled to the side of the bed. “Hell, I can walk by myself. I feel a lot better.”
“But you’ll humor me.”
“If I must.”
Leonard put on his shoes. I put my arm around him and helped him outside. It was fairly dark and the moon was up and it was a fragmented moon. Clouds scuttled across the sky and in the distance I saw sheet lightning rage across the horizon. You could smell rain in the air, but it was still some distance away.
As we walked, I told Leonard the story Beatrice told me. He went inside the outhouse, and I stood outside, leaning on it, talking to him, finishing up my story through a split in the walls.
“Let me see,” Leonard said. “She went to the States, and her father provided the money with a bad loan. She got a degree, but then felt sorry for her father. She was being driven by an inner force to return and do traditional Mexican woman things. And now she’s in a tight spot with someone named Juan Miguel who might kill her and sell her bones to research, and she’s going to pay a big chunk of the money by sponsoring a three-day fishing trip to a secret place where fish live, but the old man doesn’t seem to go there on a regular basis even if he is living on crumbs and owes a gangster thousands of dollars. Duh.”
“Maybe it’s just worth more to him to go there when he’s got rich tourists. It could be like that.”
“And when I come out of this outhouse I could be white, bowlegged, and have a vagina, but it isn’t likely. Bottom line is, you’re gonna help her, aren’t you. And, of course, you would like me to help.”
“That sounds about right. Hurry up, man, it stinks.”
“You think it’s rough out there, you ought to be in here.”
“What d’you say, Leonard? Shall we help?”
“I say when it comes to women you are so goddamn dumb as to make a box of tenpenny nails seem high on the IQ scale.”
“You think she trained a shark to attack her father so she could get me on their boat and make a work slave of me?”
“No. It’s broader than that. Damn. This catalogue is not a good idea. Maybe they could at least spring for some toilet paper. I think I ripped myself.”
A moment later Leonard came out of the outhouse. I put my arm around him and started helping him back to the house, even though he didn’t need the help. We went slowly so we could continue talking.
“You will wash your hands at the house, won’t you?” I said.
“Just the one I wipe with. Which, by the way, is the one I have around your shoulder right now.”
There was one little sad tree in the yard, and we went over to that. It was only a little taller than we were. Its limbs were gray and scaly, like a snake shedding its skin; they were spread out wide, like gapped fingers in the moonlight.
Leonard leaned against the tree’s bent trunk. He said, “As your queer friend, I don’t have the same blind side to women you do. A queer can look at things head-on, my honky. Least as far as men and women go.”
“How is Beatrice, a woman I just met, giving me the screw? Outside of the actual screw, I mean.”
“She’s one of life’s victims. Woe is me. Everything happens to her. I think her father, nice man that he is, may not have his head on just right either. Call it a hunch.
“Look. Don’t get me wrong. I’m glad she and her father helped us, but I say tomorrow morning we head into town and get that hotel room and plan our way out of here.”
“Well, she hasn’t exactly asked me to help. Maybe she doesn’t even want me to help. She even told me she wants me and you out of here tomorrow. Probably because all of this coming down. But I think with her father on crutches, she might need some help. That’s all I think there is to it.”
“If she doesn’t want you to help, then don’t. Don’t force it.”
