“Any cookies?”
“Nothing like that,” Drake said. “Some coffee. Standard shitty creamer with some sugar packs. Or Sweet’N Low. But maybe we can bring in some caviar and nice crackers.”
“Could you?” Leonard said. “That would be damn nice.”
Drake made a point of ignoring Leonard. He looked at me and Brett. We asked for coffee. Drake nodded, turned to Kelso, said, “Is the camera on?”
He knew we knew how it worked, so he wasn’t trying to be cagey.
“Nope,” Kelso said.
“Good,” Drake said. “Leonard, you can go fuck yourself.”
“From your lips to God’s ear,” Leonard said.
“Go on, man,” Drake said to Kelso. “Get the coffee.”
Kelso left. I guess it was his day to be fetch bitch.
Drake looked us over. “So, you people have had quite a day. Enough dead to put a dent in the population. If only you could have set fire to downtown and shot a busload of orphans, it would have been perfect.”
“Hap ran over a yard gnome,” Brett said. “That damn sure ought to count for something.”
“Yep,” Leonard said. “It was a big day, and frankly, I can’t speak for everyone, but I’m a little tuckered, and this pink outfit makes me feel like I’m in my jammies. But, just to let you know, I really feel humiliated. This suit, it’s got to be the right cure for evil. Wearing this, no one would ever stray again from the straight and narrow. You wouldn’t even catch me jackin’ off in the men’s room if I thought I’d have to wear this fucker again.”
“That’s a relief,” Drake said.
“Thought you’d want to know,” Leonard said.
Drake tapped his fingers on the desk, said, “You’re going to call it self-defense?”
“Our lawyer will,” I said. Of course, we didn’t have a lawyer yet, but I wanted to sound like a big-time experienced criminal.
I turned to Leonard, said, “I met a guy in my cell who wanted to fuck me. I knocked him out. Was that anti- gay?”
“Did you write any anti-gay graffiti on him or the wall?”
I shook my head.
“I think it’ll be all right,” he said.
“No talking amongst yourselves,” Drake said. “You know you did a bad thing, you three?”
“Yep,” Leonard said.
“What about those guys in the Caddy?” Brett asked.
“They’ll live,” Drake said.
“Gadget?” I asked.
“She’s under arrest.”
Kelso came back in, but he didn’t have our coffee. He leaned over and whispered in Drake’s ear.
“What?” Drake said.
Kelso nodded.
“Goddamn it,” Drake said.
Drake got up and went out. Leonard said, “What about that coffee?”
“Fuck the coffee,” Kelso said.
“That’s some kind of goddamn way for a public servant to talk,” Leonard said. “And you with the camera running.”
I kicked Leonard gently under the table.
“I saw that,” Kelso said. “And that’s good policy. You should shut the hell up. And the camera is still off, dick cheese. That way, I wanted to kick your ass it wouldn’t get recorded.”
Leonard just smiled. Even with handcuffs on, Leonard would be a load and he knew it, and I could tell Kelso knew it too.
Kelso glared at me, said, “The jailer said you hit your cell mate.”
“He didn’t buy the mouse story?”
“Drake said you two think you’re funny.”
“There’s that insult again,” Leonard said. “It could take the edge off our comic timing.”
“I think you’re funny,” Brett said, reached her handcuffs over and patted Leonard’s hand.
“Thank you, dear,” Leonard said.
“Laugh it up,” Kelso said. “We’ll see what the jury says.”
