Flesh

Alison looked around the room. She had been here so many times before. Nothing looked different, yet nothing seemed quite the same. This might have been a movie set cleverly made up to look like Evan’s apartment, and she was an actress in the role of Alison—a role she didn’t quite know how to play.

Need a script, she thought. That’d certainly help.

Evan came in with a margarita in one hand and a bowl of tortilla chips in the other. After placing them on the table in front of Alison, he returned to the kitchen. He came back with a bowl of red salsa and another margarita. He put them down, then sat on the sofa beside her.

Beside her, but about two feet away. A good sign, Alison thought. He isn’t going to pretend that everything is like it used to be.

They lifted their drinks. “To new beginnings,” Evan said. They clinked their glasses and drank.

Alison asked how his dissertation was coming along. He spoke with enthusiasm about its progress, his hopes of developing his study of flight imagery in Finnigan’s Wake into a full book that could gain him recognition as a Joyce scholar and help ensure tenure a few years down the road. While he talked, Alison dipped chips in salsa, ate them, and drank. Occasionally, she made comments or asked questions.

When Evan finally lapsed into silence, Alison asked if he had heard, yet, from any of the universities to which he had applied for teaching positions. He gave her a strange look. “You mean since Thursday?”

“Seems like longer,” Alison said.

“Seems like weeks. God, it’s good to have you back.”

Not all the way back, she thought. Not yet. I’m here, but I’m not back.

Evan took the empty glasses into the kitchen. While he was gone, Alison dipped another chip into the salsa, cupped her hand beneath it in case it dripped, and ate it.

Better stop gobbling these things, she thought, and licked a smear of red sauce off her fingers.

Evan came back with the glasses refilled.

Alison was already feeling somewhat light-headed from the first margarita. Drink this one more slowly, she cautioned herself. Keep at it with the booze and chips, you’ll be bloated and drunk by dinnertime.

“You build a mean margarita,” she said.

“Wait’ll you try my enchiladas.” He sat down beside her.

Beside her, and only about one foot away, this time. That’s okay, Alison thought. We are closer than we were when I got here.

Still not like we used to be, but getting better.

“What have you been doing with yourself?” he asked.

“Not much.” She didn’t want to tell him that she had spent the past few days thinking about him, often with bitterness, sometimes with longing. “I went to Wally’s one night,” she said.

“Any luck?” he asked.

“I wasn’t there for that,” she said, and took a drink. “Saw this far-out video. A woman dancing with a snake. Have you seen that one?”

“I’ve caught it on MTV. Blue Lady doing ‘Squirm on Me.’”

“Pretty far-out,” Alison said again.

“Erotic.”

“Helen and I played Trivial Pursuit last night. I landed on the Arts and Literature spaces whenever I got the chance. I wiped the floor up with her.”

“Sounds like your Saturday night was better than mine.”

This keeps straying into areas I don’t like, she thought. “I must’ve gained five pounds. Between the two of us, we polished off a bag of potato chips and a bag of taco chips. Not to mention a six-pack. If I keep spending Saturday nights with Helen, I’ll start to look like her.”

“Impossible. You could gain a hundred pounds, you’d still be beautiful.”

“Oh, sure.”

“Your momma could beat you with an ugly stick from now till doomsday, you’d never look like Helen.”

Alison laughed, then shook her head. “Come on, she’s my best friend.”

“I didn’t start it.”

“She’s a great gal. It’s not her fault she looks the way she does.”

“If she cared, she could fix herself up.”

“Not by much,” Alison said, and immediately regretted it. “I mean, there’s only so much that a hairstyle and makeup and clothes can accomplish. Shit, I don’t mean it that way.”

Evan was grinning, laughing softly. “No, of course not.”

“Anyway, we had a great time. Then today, I took a long walk and I picked up a copy of the new Travis McGee and spent most of the afternoon with that. MacDonald’s great to read when you’re lying out in the sun.”

“What were you wearing?”

“My white bikini.”

“Ah.”

She took another drink. The second margarita was getting low. “I like all the MacDonalds,” she said. “MacDonald, John D.; Mcdonald, Gregory; Macdonald, Ross; McDonald, Ronald.”

“I love how you look in the white bikini.”

“Is dinner almost ready?”

“Ah, I’ll check. Shall I get refills while I’m out?”

“Not for me, thanks.”

“No problem. Champagne with dinner. I promised champagne, remember?” Leaving his own empty glass on the table, he stood up. He walked slowly, as if being careful not to weave.

Alison wondered how many drinks he’d had before she arrived.

Don’t worry about it, she told herself. Just make sure youdon’t get looped.

She settled back against the sofa and sighed.

So far, so good, she told herself.

She sighed again. It felt good to sigh. She felt pleasantly lazy and light. A great burden had been lifted from her. She was with Evan again, and it was working out fine.

Pretty fine.

He didn’t get my McDonald joke.

Too busy thinking about me in my bikini.

Who can blame him?

She laughed softly and closed her eyes.

“Hey, Sleeping Beauty.”

She opened her eyes. The room was dark except for the glow of a single candle. The candle was on the table in the dining area. Food was on the table.

Evan was standing above her. “I understand it is traditional,” he said, “to awaken the princess with a kiss. However, I showed remarkable restraint and took no advantage of your somnolent condition.”

Alison sat up. “How long was I asleep?”

“Oh, perhaps an hour.”

“Jeez.” It didn’t seem possible. “I’m sorry.”

“No need to apologize. You’re beautiful when you’re asleep. Or when you’re awake, for that matter.”

“I hope dinner isn’t ruined.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine. In fact, it’s just now ready.”

“Do I have time to use the john?”

“Help yourself.”

She made her way through the darkness and down a short hallway to the bathroom. Though she was embarrassed about falling asleep, the rest had left her feeling refreshed. She turned on the light. She used the toilet. At the sink, she cupped up cold water with her hand and took a few sips. She studied herself in the mirror. Her eyes looked a little pink. Her hair looked fine. The middle button of her blouse had come undone. She fastened it, then washed her hands and left the bathroom.