She couldn’t listen to it, either. The next day, a beautiful orchid arrived. She insisted that Madam Juen keep it. The following day, a bunch of pink tulips were delivered to her door. She sent them home with Marybel.
To the delight of her students, each day a messenger arrived at the studio with a gift. Some days it was flowers, other days a note. Several times there was a box. She gave the flowers to the students, but didn’t open any of the boxes or the notes. She knew if she did, she’d lose her resolve. He’d overpower her, shake her resolution. She vowed not to let that happen.
Ignoring the disapproving looks from Madam Juen and the tittering from her students that quickly stopped when she entered the studio, Lexie threw herself into planning the Strong Women Survive celebration. She was determined to present the celebration that was cancelled the day Anthony died. Her students were thrilled. Each day, they came to practice surprising her and surprising themselves with their dedication.
Each night, when all the students were gone, Lexie fled to the studio and immersed herself in hours of long practice. Many times, she didn’t leave until dawn, glad that she could skip the pretense of sleep. The night before the celebration, four weeks after she left Yuma, Master Wan met her in the empty dojo. Before she could begin her practice, he motioned her to sit. He sunk to the floor in front of her.
Lexie drew her protective shield around her. She’d been surprised then grateful that other than insisting she eat, Master Wan had not confronted her about her decision to return home. The quiet expression on his face signaled that her reprieve was over. He smiled at her and bowed.
“Do not look concerned, Jai Li. I do not intend to chastise you or give you any advice. You can relax.”
She breathed easier and returned his bow.
“Thank you, Master Wan. I appreciate that you respect me enough to acknowledge that whatever I decide to do with my life is my decision.”
She knew her voice was curt, cool, but she couldn’t help but feel defensive.
“Ah, Jai li, it is not respect for you that keeps me from giving you advice. It is the certain knowledge that you are not open to receiving it.”
She frowned, not clear what he was saying, but not willing to pursue it.
“No, Jai Li. If I thought you were willing to listen to me, I would appeal to the young woman who lived in your body before Anthony was killed. The young woman that over the ten years I have known her has battled and survived more demons than anyone I have known in my long years of working with damaged souls. No, I would appeal to that young woman to be clear about her actions. Because you see, Jai Li, unlike the demons you fought in the past that were real, the demons you are fighting now are not. They are figments of your imagination.”
Lexie felt her cheeks heat with a flash of anger. She should have guessed that Master Wan would try and convince her, to shame her, to call her a coward.
She started to rise, but sunk back down at the appearance of his frown.
Refusing to be cowed by his gentle but overwhelming presence, she tossed her head and glared at him.
“Why don’t you say it, Master Wan? Why don’t you say that you think I am a coward, that I’m running away from my problems? Say it! Say what you are thinking!”
He smiled at her.
“I could not say that, Jai Li, because I know that you are not a coward. You are one of the bravest people I know. As for running away from your problems, those are your words, your thoughts, not mine.”
Lexie fought against angry tears.
She whispered, “You don’t understand.”
“Ah, Alexis, my beloved daughter, but I do.”
Lexie looked up in surprise at his use of her given name and endearment. The tears stinging the backs of her eyelids threatened to fall.
“Jai Li, I do understand and I have great faith in you, that when you are ready, you will see the difference between the demons that are real and those that you create in your imagination.”
When she started to protest, he held up his hand. Leaning over, he kissed her on her cheek, then rose gracefully, the movements of a man of twenty not one nearing seventy.
At the doorway, he turned and bowed to her.
“Don’t practice too long tonight, Jai Li. You will have a big day tomorrow.”
~~~
The next afternoon, the studio was buzzing with excitement. Lexie worked with each group of presenters. From the little girls to the older women, their excitement was palpable. So much so that at times she couldn’t hide her exasperation.
“Graciella, for goodness sakes, I know this is a big day, but you have to concentrate, pay attention. You almost knocked Clarice down. Think how that would look on television!”
She shook her head in mock dismay when the little girls just giggled harder. She took a deep breath and decided that she needed a break, someplace quiet, private, where she could prepare for the festivities. Turning the students over to Master Wan, she went to her quarters.
~~~
Grateful for the heat of the steaming shower, she struggled to deal with her rioting emotions. Perhaps the celebration had been a mistake. Perhaps it was too soon. She had hoped that concentrating on preparations for the event would take her mind off the awful events in Yuma. Off of Anthony. Off of Jake. But it hadn’t. Of course, Jake’s daily messages and gifts made it impossible to forget him. He refused to be gone, she thought with a grimace.
Not like Anthony, who was gone.
Lexie stopped cold. Leaning against the shower wall to keep from falling, she allowed herself to think about what she had just said. For a moment, she refused, but then with a sigh, she recognized the truth. Anthony was gone, dead. Jake was not. She pushed down a flutter of annoyance at Master Wan. Damn him, she thought with a wry groan, why did he always have to be so wise.
Stepping out of the shower, she faced herself in the mirror. She was glad that for once she felt like putting on makeup, curling her hair. Tying her hair up in a high ponytail she took several of the orchids Jake had sent that she’d retrieved for her room and wove them into her hair, making it more festive, more fitting for the occasion. Tugging on her stark white fitted halter and matching high cut shorts, she surveyed herself in the mirror. She’d wanted to look special, calm, focused, so everyone would stop fretting about her. She and Master Wan planned to close the celebration with a demonstration of how expert warriors sparred. They’d been practicing together and wanted to give their students a sense of what they could achieve.
Pulling her gi trousers over her costume, she walked into the entry way, surprised that all of the students were already inside. Shrieks of laughter rang from the dojo. Lexie shook her head. So much for settling down. Oh, well, she thought with a smile this was their big day, they had a right to be excited.
As she neared the doorway she heard Clarice yell out, “Now me. It’s my turn, throw me now!”
A deep familiar voice answered, “Why, so it is. And you have been a very patient little girl. What do you think, Clarice? Do you think you can go as high as Graciella did?”
Lexie barely heard Clarice’s answering shriek. “Yes, yes I can. Higher!”
Her legs turning to rubber, Lexie stumbled back against the wall. She struggled to keep from falling. When she’d regained some strength in her legs, she took a tentative step toward the dojo. Grasping the doorway for support, she peeked inside.
Jake looked over his shoulder and called out, “Hello, Lexie. Excuse me for a minute, darlin’, Clarice has been waiting
Lexie watched stunned as Jake tossed the little girl high in the air then caught her in his arms and swooped down low and set her on the mat. The group shouted its approval, clapping loudly and cheering.
The noise in the room was a distant din. Lexie clung to the doorway, feeling faint. She watched him come toward her as if in slow motion. He was taller than she remembered and he definitely was leaner. But he still had the broad shoulders and strong torso that took her breath away. A slight smile tweaked the corner of his mouth, but his eyes were dark, midnight blue, and serious. She struggled to catch her breath, but couldn’t. She gasped when he reached out and took her hands in both of his and pulled her up close to him.
“You’re…you’re here,” she stammered.
“Yeah, Lexie, I am.”
His serious tone sent shivers up her spine. She took a deep breath and clung to his hands for support.
“Are you… okay?”
