While cuddled in the crook of Keanu’s large arm, my eyelids fluttered furiously as I relived a moment of my past mingled with a subconscious message.
My bare feet burned on the Sedona desert as the sun poured scalding rays over top of me. Tiny grains of sand had burrowed themselves into corners of my eyes, making it nearly impossible to keep them open. With my lips cracked and my throat now unable to swallow, white patches of dried spittle caked at the corners of my mouth.
The only saving grace was a weak wind from the east to sooth my baking skin. Forcing my legs to move forward, my eyes narrowed to a slit as they scoured the landscape for any sign of the reservation, or better yet, water.
Lost.
It started out as a mission to find the cave where my mother had given birth to me; it ended up a near death experience. Four days I’d wandered the endless reaches of the ocean of sand, first searching for my past and then for my future. If I didn’t find my way home, or if my tribe didn’t find me soon, there’d be nothing left to bring home.
Only nine years old, I wondered what kind of mother could abandon her baby. What kind of person leaves her child to live—or die—alone in a cave? What if the medicine woman, now my grandmother, hadn’t found me there? Would my mother have cared? Did she return to make sure someone had found me?
Reliving my past within my dream, I felt a lump in my throat form and a quiet sob escape me. Lucid enough to know I had company in my bed with me, I forced silence upon myself.
In reality, a search party found me eight miles from the reservation, face down and barely alive. In my dream, however, I found myself standing at the mouth of a cave.
The cave.
The one where I’d been left behind.
And then there was the number. In every dream, there is always the same number.
Two, in Roman numerals—II.
Entering the cave, I hear droplets of moisture echoing as they splatter against the rocks. A pungent mildew scent invades my nostrils causing them to flare. Gliding my hand along the rough terrain of the cavern walls to guide me, I move through the veil of darkness. The further I go, the more the shadows swallow the light.
I sense a presence in the cave with me, just behind me. Without turning around, I know that it is someone —or something—protecting me.
As the dream continues, I suddenly find myself lying upon the floor of the cave. Shadows move around me with haste, though I can’t see who’s making them.
Next, all I know is pain.
I am screaming in pain.
The dream suddenly ends with a blinding flash of white light.
Sitting straight up in bed, my hair plastered to my face from sweat, I breathe heavily as I try to slow my racing heart.
“Are you okay?” Keanu asked as he sat up and began rubbing my back.
Attempting to sound casual, I answer as I’m wiping the dampness from my face. “Yah, sure, just a crazy dream.”
Kissing my shoulder, his fingers slid around my side and down the muscle line of my stomach.
“Here, let me make you forget all about it.” His hot breath tickled my ear as he whispered.
Laying me onto my back, he positioned himself over me and began another rigorous love-making session.
Clutching his shoulders, I tried to focus on the task at hand. Tossing out the occasional moan for his benefit, I couldn’t get into the moment.
My mind was still whirling around the meaning of the dream.
The Roman numerals haunted me.
A quiet morning glow trickled in from between the slits of my long burgundy curtains. Keanu’s hulking shadow maneuvered stealthily in the middle of my apartment as I dramatically draped my arm across the bed toward him. Exaggerating a pout, I pushed my bottom lip out as I watched him get dressed beside the bed. Noticing my distraught expression, he reached his hand to my face and stroked my cheek.
“I have to go gorgeous, duty calls.” Extending his own bottom lip, he gave me an apologetic expression.
Smiling, I nuzzled his hand with my cheek and then kissed his open palm. “Okay,” I sighed, “if you must.”
Chuckling, he slipped his jacket on and then leaned over to give me a soft kiss good-bye. “See you later.”
Glancing back at me before closing the door, I thought I saw an expression of wistfulness.
Feeling pleased that it appeared he was going to miss me; I lay back onto the pillow and closed my eyes.
After resting a while, I decided to force myself out of bed.
Slipping into my clothes after a nice hot shower, I resigned myself to the idea of one last day of medical torture.
Adding a little color to my face with a touch of mascara, pink gloss and blush, I gave myself a quick smile as I thought of Keanu. He made me feel good, better than I’d felt in years. He made me feel wanted, a sensation that up until now had eluded me.
I knew I had abandonment issues, but who wouldn’t after been left in a cave by their mother?
Sure, my adopted grandmother loved me, but it was different.
I had so many questions and so few answers.
Grandmother would develop an odd, distant look in her eyes whenever I’d ask about the cave and how she found me. It always left me with a yearning to find out more.
The day I left for university, she sat me down and had a very strange discussion with me.
“Little one.” My grandmother began in her native tongue, enveloping my hands with her own. “The world can be very cruel, especially to outsiders.”
Rolling my eyes gently, I gave her a look that only a young, inexperienced girl can give. “I’ll be just fine. Don’t worry. I’m only going to school and besides, you taught me well.” Patting her hand, I tried to reassure what I considered to be over-bearing and paranoid behavior.
Her soft brown eyes searched my face, her years of wisdom etched into aged skin. Frowning, she left me with one last cryptic word of warning, “You are different Cassia…special. Don’t trust
Her last words to me echoed in my mind as I left my apartment for my final guinea pig session at the medical department.
My breath made translucent clouds in the crisp morning air as I jogged lightly toward the east side of the university. Fall had settled on the Washington ground, leaving each blade of browning grass coated with tiny crystalline shards. The trees surrounding the campus each wore a white blanket of frost that clung to every branch and remnant leaf.
I could feel my nose turning pink from the chilly air as I entered the front of the medical department. Rubbing my hands together and breathing warm air onto them as I approached the front desk, my body began to warm up.
The receptionist that I’d befriended days before sat with her head down, obviously concentrating on the paper in front of her.
“Hi there.” I stated cheerily, unraveling my scarf and removing my jacket.
Meeting my eyes, I was shocked to be greeted with a mixed look of nervousness and…fear?
“Um, hello.” She stuttered, her hands shaking as she handed me my release form.
“Are you okay?” I asked, feeling a bit offended.
“Oh! Yes.” A forced smile cracked across her face while she glanced down the empty hallways, apparently
