The Chosen

asked.

“Well, sometimes, and you were never that way before. I think it’s probably stress-related, sexual stress.”

“Come on.” Well, there had been some occasions when she’d gotten down on Dan B. and Lee for horsing around with the gross jokes. And maybe once or twice she had been a little snippy with Donna for not memorizing the wine list and specials. But that was her job. She was their boss.

Or maybe Donna’s right, she considered now. Maybe I have been a little hard on them sometimes. Maybe I have taken some things out on them. “In other words, you saying that I’m in a bad mood because I’m not getting laid regularly?”

“Well…yeah,” Donna answered. “I don’t know how you stand it. If I don’t get it twice a night, I turn into the biggest bitch this side of the Mason-Dixon line.” Now Donna was dabbing herself with perfume. “Remember when Dan B. went to that east coast chef’s convention in Chicago last fall? I was climbing the walls. You should’ve seen how much I spent on batteries for my vibrator.”

“Donna!” Vera exclaimed. “You don’t have a v—”

“Sure, I do, several, as a matter of fact.” Now Donna was applying some final touches, donning a thin gold waist chain and an ankle bracelet. “Boy, was this a bad subject. Look, Vera, all I’m saying is that a couple of rolls in the hay would do you good. Trust me. And Kyle seems a pretty good candidate. Who knows. Maybe he’s hung.”

“Donna!” Vera exclaimed again. “Why don’t you skedaddle now?” Donna requested. “Dan B.’s going to be coming up soon. I want to be ready for him.” Then she turned, placing her hands on her hips as if frustrated. “And I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“I’m not offended, Donna,” Vera said, and headed for the door. And she honestly wasn’t. It was good to have a friend who’d point things out to her, especially things about herself. “And thanks for the book.”

“You’re not going to take my advice, are you?”

“What, hunt Kyle down and ball his brains out? No.”

“Okay, then. Suit yourself. Any time you want to borrow one of my vibrators, just let me know.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I would never—”

“Sure, I know… Say, I hate to sound rude, but—”

“I’m going,” Vera assured her, rolling her eyes. “Don’t wear Dan B. out tonight. We have six reservations tomorrow.”

Donna said good night and closed the door. Yeah, she’s in a hurry, all right, Vera thought. Romantic enthusiasm was one thing, but this was romantic fervor.

I guess I’m just envious, Vera considered. Her own bedroom felt expanded in its plush, well-furnished emptiness. She skipped the usual nightcap or two that she’d grown accustomed to before bed, and took a quick shower instead of a bubble bath. Suddenly she felt desperate for something to divert her. She sat up in bed, turned on her reading lamp, and opened the book…

The Complete Compendium of Haunted American Mansions

by

Richard Long

“I hope the author’s friends don’t call him Dick,” she muttered. She