wasn’t enough room for everyone. In the confusion the guards handcuffed Taylor and a technician and dragged them out, while Dick found himself examining the bombs. The error was soon spotted however and the technician and Dick changed places.
‘Well?’ roared Maxx. ‘What have these traitors done?’
The head technician looked up from the bomb he was examining and nervously answered, ‘They’ve disabled the priming circuits’.
‘On all of them?’, asked Maxx angrily.
‘Possibly sir’, said the technician. ‘But it’s an easy repair to do. We can have them all checked and fixed in thirty minutes’.
‘You’ve got ten’, said Maxx. ‘Starting now!’.
He breathed in deeply and counted aloud. After a while he stopped. ‘I’m calmer now. You may have just noticed that I counted slowly up to twelve not ten. Do you know why I counted to twelve?’
‘To make you even calmer?’ Dick speculated.
Maxx kneed him in the balls and Dick doubled in agony. ‘No, you fuckwit! I was counting the number of Impotence Bombs that will be launched soon, fixed and on schedule’ he turned to Taylor, also being held by guards and kneed him squarely in the balls as well. ‘I don’t know who you are and I really don’t care. What I do know though, is that you’re both idiots thinking your amateur sabotage wouldn’t go unnoticed’. Chuckling to himself Maxx continued. ‘Disabling the priming circuits indeed!’
Turning to face Dick, Maxx added, ‘You disappoint me. You’ve let me down. When you cracked under the threat of torture…’
‘The actual torture you mean’, replied Dick. ‘The actual torture that was actually and really carried out. With those terrifying wasps’.
Maxx ignored him and continued. ‘…I gave you a second chance. A chance to help rule our new empire. And now you’ve gone and thrown it all away. And all because you’ve let your dick rule your head. Do you know what I’m going to do to you Dick?’
‘Does it by any chance involve your knee and my testicles?’, asked Dick, knowing full well the answer.
‘Yes it does’, said Maxx, carrying out the action. As Dick doubled up again Maxx took out his gun and aimed it at Dick’s groin. ‘But I’m also going to kill you and your friend so you no longer pose any sort of threat to me in the future, however small’.
To Dick and Taylor’s immense surprise and relief, Maxx put the gun away. Smiling he said, ‘But before I do that, I still want you to have the honour of launching the bombs and experience impotence for yourself, first hand. I wouldn’t want death to deprive you of that!’. Maxx addressed the guards. ‘Keep these two securely locked up and bring them to the command centre just before ten’.
As the guards dragged Dick and Taylor away Maxx added, ‘And keep them separated. This time I’m not taking any chances’.
A handcuffed Taylor and Dick were brought into the command centre at five to ten. It looked a bit like Houston Mission Control, Dick thought, albeit on a far smaller scale. Male and female technicians sat at consoles, flicking switches, turning dials and watching monitors. Maxx was seated on a sort of small podium where he could see all the various screens around the room while Carter was standing alert to his right.
‘Gentlemen’, he said smugly. ‘Lose those long faces. We’re about to make history. You should be happy!’
‘I’m about to become impotent and then you’re going to kill me. I’m sorry if I don’t find that a joyous occasion’, said Dick despondently. Maxx pondered this for a moment.
‘Hmmmm. Perhaps you’re right’. He shrugged his shoulders. ‘Anyway, you’ll be delighted to hear that we checked and fixed the priming circuits on each of the bombs. These have all been loaded on to the solid fuel booster rockets and transported to the various launch sites. There’s only one thing we’re waiting for. You’.
‘What happens if I don’t want to launch the bombs?’, enquired Dick.
‘Well, as you’re going to be killed anyway there’s no reason not to do it. However, if you do refuse then I’ll just launch them myself. Jesus Christ, Dick! You might as well have your moment of glory by pressing the damn fucking button!’
Dick looked at Taylor who shrugged. ‘He’s right Dick. Someone’s got to do it. It might as well be you’.
‘OK’, said Dick. But can you release us from these cuffs? If I’m going to be the man who launched the Impotence Bombs and changed the world, at least let me do it with a little semblance of dignity’.
Maxx sighed. ‘Very well’, he said to his guards. ‘But keep your guns trained on them at all times. If they make any sudden moves, just shoot to kill. I’m past caring’.
Dick and Taylor were released from their handcuffs and, under the watchful eyes of trigger-happy guards, took their places next to the podium. All eyes were on a large wall clock as a technician counted them down.
‘Bomb launch in thirty seconds… primers on. Fuel vents open… Guidance radar locked… launch in twenty seconds…’
Dick looked at Taylor, then at the big green button in front of him, then at a rather bosomy technician holding a clipboard who he didn’t notice when he came in.
‘…in ten seconds… All systems go… Gantries removed…’
Dick flexed his fingers, then made a fist with his right hand. He stared at Maxx who just smiled,
‘…in five… four… three…’
Dick clenched his fist even tighter.
‘…two… one…’
Dick brought his fist down on the green button.
‘Bombs launched!’
Yelps and cheers filled the room. Three people wearing hats threw them into the air. The one person wearing a wig threw that in the air. Anyone without a hat or a wig just jumped up and down in celebration. Maxx grabbed Dick by the shoulders and kissed him energetically on both cheeks. He shook Taylor’s hand vigorously, and beamed proudly at his staff.
The monitors displayed images of the twelve missiles carrying the bombs blasting off from their launch sites. There were absolutely no problems or glitches as they simultaneously arced gracefully and serenely into the clear night sky. Dick thought it was odd watching them so remotely. You couldn’t hear the roar of the rocket engines or feel the shudder or vibrations from the launch pads. Seeing them on the screens made Dick feel strangely detached from the whole event. The excitement had died down as the technician began his second countdown. This next stage in the launch process was automatic. Dick had done his job. All he had to do next was wait for the warheads to explode and feel the effects of the radiation.
‘Impotence bombs detonating in ten… nine…’, the technician announced.
Dick looked oddly calm. What was about to happen was now totally out of his control. He and Taylor exchanged worried glances.
‘…five… four… three… two… one…’
There was a flash of light in all of the monitors as the warheads exploded. This was followed almost immediately by more cheering and throwing of hats (the man who threw his wig in the air the first time lost it behind a heavy filing cabinet so he was unable to throw it again).
Maxx consulted his pocket watch. ‘With the current wind speed and direction, we in London should experience the full effect of the gamma radiation in about thirty seconds’.
The room was deathly quiet. People were nervous. No one knew what sudden impotence would feel like. Would it be a dull sort of numbing sensation like pins and needles or would it hurt? If so, how painful would it be? Men looked at their groins in anticipation. It was a technician called Hugo who felt the result of the gamma radiation first. He felt a slight tingling followed by an overwhelming desire to jump on top of the female technician standing next to him, and grind his crotch into hers. A slightly built man called Albert was next. He undid his flies and started masturbating violently using both hands. One of the burly guards had put down his gun and was sucking the toes of a colleague, while Louise and Chloe, two launch assistants, had their hands up each other’s skirts.
Maxx looked around him to see stuffy technicians and disciplined security guards shaking off any and all inhibitions. The room looked less like a control centre and more like the last days of the Roman Empire.
‘What… what’s happening here?’ Maxx asked in a rather high and worried voice. He glared accusingly at Dick
