for a hundred grand, but since you were willing to pay more than twice that, I’ll never have to worry about how much more I could have gotten.”
“I wish I had more confidence in your promise.”
“You really have no choice.”
I sigh. “You were willing to go on a trip with me and have sex?”
“I was.”
“Would you still?”
She laughs. “What do you think?”
“I think Plan B sucks. We could’ve had a great trip, you would’ve been happy with a hundred grand, and I would have gotten laid.”
“Such is life.”
“Please?” I say. “It would make me feel a helluva lot better about this.”
“Don’t beg, Gideon.”
“I’m not begging. Remember the advice you gave me? I’m being persistent. If necessary, I’ll be relentless!”
She thinks a minute. Then smiles and says, “I’ll make you a deal.”
50
“Tell me,” I say.
“I like the idea of this being a civil transaction,” she says.
“Me too.”
“You’ve got a safe in your bedroom closet.”
“No I don’t.”
“It’s built into the floor, under the carpet.”
“I’ll say it again. Damn, you’re good.”
“How much cash is in it?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Rough estimate.”
“Thirty-five.”
“Thousand?”
I nod.
“Wow,” she says. “Okay, so the number’s still two-fifty, but it’ll take time to gather that much cash without raising suspicion.”
“I agree.”
“I’m told the bank won’t report checks you cash for transactions under ten grand.”
“I think that’s right.”
“I’ll take the thirty-five up front and put it in a safe deposit box. You’ll open new accounts at five different banks and write three checks a week for nine thousand each, spread among the different banks. That’s twenty- seven grand. Once a week we’ll go to the track and you’ll piss away up to five thousand dollars. The balance of the money will go in my safe deposit box. When that amount hits a hundred grand, I’ll have sex with you once a week until we hit two-fifty.”
“Really?”
“I think it’s fair.”
“Why do we have to go to the track?”
“The banks will wonder what you’re doing with all that cash. People will see us at the track, you’ll tell them your new girlfriend loves the ponies, and the word will spread.”
“I’d rather go to Atlantic City and shoot craps.”
“Bad plan.”
“Why?”
“Casinos keep detailed records.”
“I’ll say it a third time.”
“I’m good?”
I nod.
She looks at me with interest.
“You’re taking this awfully well,” she says.
I shrug my shoulders. “What can I say? I’m lonely.”
She nods. “Lonely’s tough.”
“Would you consider living with me while I’m raising the money?”
“I’d be honored.”
“That’s pretty civil of you.”
“I’m not an unreasonable person,” she says.
“Can I have anal?”
“Did you seriously just ask me that?”
“Yes.”
“No.”
Epilogue
I
It should have taken ten weeks to siphon a quarter million into Willow’s safe deposit box, but I managed to stretch it to fourteen by pretending the banks were asking too many questions.
Willow remained true to her word.
She lived with me and gave me sex once a week after receiving the first hundred grand. When she left, she hugged me and said she’d be in touch about the garage door opener. I figured to spend a very nervous couple of weeks waiting, but she surprised me by calling a few hours later.
“You’re already safe?” I said.
“I’m in the air, flying somewhere far away,” she said. “So yes, I feel safe.”
“Maybe when you get settled I could come visit you.”
She laughs. “I don’t miss you that much.”
“Where’s Kathy’s garage door opener?”
She waited for me to get a pen and paper, then gave me a phone number.
“Who am I calling?”
“I want it to be a surprise.”
“Okay.”
“Gideon?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks.”
I pause.
“Take care, Willow.”
“You too, Gideon.”
A quiet moment passes.
Willow says, “You didn’t hang up.”
“Neither did you.”
