“All right, Mrs. S.?”
Sylvia crossed to the fridge. She opened it, picked out a lettuce leaf, and stood nibbling it while she surveyed her domestic. She supposed that a survey of Lizzie Blank would be a comfort to any normal woman who was afraid of losing her looks. Weird was the only word for her.
Lizzie Blank was a woman of no age that could easily be determined. Her dumpling body, entirely without a waistline, was supported on peg-shaped legs. Her hair, platinum blond and matted, had a height and stiffness that Sylvia’s in its heyday had never approached; two little squiggles, shaped like meat hooks, stood stiffly out by each ear. Her large face—rather blank in truth—was so caked with make-up that it was impossible to decide what it might look like naked, and her eyelids, outlined in thick black pencil, were painted a vivid teal blue. How many pairs of false eyelashes she wore, Sylvia could not take it upon herself to say. Her magenta lips bore no relation to her real mouth, but were over-painted greasily onto the skin, so that the merest twitch of her cheek muscles brought about a smile or a pout. The lips worked unceasingly; the eyes remained quite dead.
“How was your trip?” Sylvia asked.
“Okay. One of us thought there would be donkeys. We had them before, when we went on a day trip.”
“I think you only get them at the seaside.”
“I don’t see why. Not as if they swim.”
Sylvia was taken aback. “Tell me, Lizzie,” she said, “do you wear a wig?”
Lizzie only smiled. Sylvia realised that her question was perhaps an intrusion. After all, she thought, if it is a wig, it’s bound to slip about on her head from time to time. I could find out by observation alone.
Sylvia swung open the fridge door again, took out half a cucumber, and cut an inch off it. She raised it to her lips. “By the way, you didn’t try to clean Alistair’s room, did you? I meant to tell you. I expect he’s got the door locked.”
“The spare room?” Lizzie looked at her; it might have been astonishment, but her face was so far from the human norm that it was always difficult to be sure what her expressions meant.
“Well, it’s not really the spare room. Alistair’s always had it, since we came.”
“I call it the spare room.”
“I daresay it was, before we moved here. Anyway, what I’m saying is—don’t bother with it. His father will make him clean it up, when the school holidays start.”
“Some rooms have no talent for cleaning. Some rooms will never be clean.” Her tone was perhaps unnecessarily doom-laden, but Sylvia supposed she was devoted to her art. It was a good sign really.
“I was wondering, would you take on another lady?”
Lizzie was washing down the sink with bleach. She shook her head, without pausing in her work.
“Only, our vicar’s wife is looking for somebody to do a few hours for her.”
“Did you say you could recommend me?” Lizzie turned her full flat face towards her employer; her rouged cheeks glowed, ripely pink, in a waste of chalk-white powder.
“I mentioned your name. I didn’t commit you.”
“Not interested, Mrs. S.”
“I did tell her, I didn’t know how many other people you did for.” Biting her cucumber: “You’re a bit of an enigma, Lizzie.”
“I can’t take anything else on.” Lizzie screwed the cap back on the bleach bottle. “I work at night.”
She bent down to put the bleach away under the sink, presenting to Sylvia her large rear end. “Yes, well, I thought I’d ask. I’d better get off to my committee meeting. Can I give you a lift?”
Lizzie took off her large plastic apron and hung it behind the kitchen door. “Thank you kindly, Mrs. S. You’re a good woman. An angel, I might add.”
With a baffled smile, Sylvia went off to get her purse. Weird was the word. As it happened, though, Lizzie Blank was the only person who had answered her ad in the
She went back into the kitchen. Lizzie Blank was now in her outdoor garb; a dirndl skirt of red and blue, and a leopard-skin jacket. “I’m surprised you don’t feel the heat,” Sylvia said, counting out her money. “There you are, love.” Lizzie’s false nails flashed, and the notes vanished into one of her pockets.
“It’s my pride and joy, this jacket,” she said. “As my mother used to say, Pride must Abide.”
Lizzie took out a chiffon scarf, pink shot through with gold, and went out into the hall. In front of the mirror, she adjusted it carefully over her coiffure. “Ready?” Sylvia said, swinging her car keys. “You’ll have to give me directions.”
Damn, she thought, I’ve been stuffing myself again; and I meant not to have any lunch.
They drove downhill towards the town centre. Right here, left here, said the charwoman, leading them into the maze of streets that still stood on the southern side of the motorway link. “All this will be coming down soon,” Sylvia said. “You’ll all be dumped over Hadleigh way in a high-rise. How do you feel about that?”
“All right.”
“But it’ll break up your community.”
“Not my community. I wasn’t born here.”
