'This is more than a mistake.'
'No, no. What's happening to you is a bump in the road. No more. It seems colossal now, but we'll take care of it. A year from now you won't remember how upset you were.'
Kerrigan looked up hopefully.
'Tim, do you trust me?'
'Yes.'
'And you know that I have only your best interests at heart?'
Tim wanted to tell the judge that he felt closer to him than he did to his own father, but he could not say the words.
'I have a solution to your problem,' the judge said. 'This woman is a whore, gutter trash. We're not going to let someone like that destroy your life.'
Kerrigan leaned forward, eager to hear Grant's plan.
'Do you remember Harold Travis's musings about the existence of God when we were on the terrace of the Westmont, after we played golf?'
'It was the last time I saw him alive.'
'Let me ask you something, Tim. Do you think that there is a God, a supreme being who sees everything that we do and punishes our bad acts?'
Tim didn't know how to answer. He'd been raised to believe in God, and there were times when life itself seemed like a miracle. He remembered having the most certainty when Megan was born; and now and then he'd have days when the world around him was so filled with beauty that he had to believe in a divine plan. But most of the time he found it hard to accept the idea of such a plan. It was difficult to believe in a merciful God when you were interviewing an abused child whose face was devoid of all emotion and whose body was covered by evidence of a life that had known only pain and despair. The everyday routine in the district attorney's office tended to erode faith.
'It's natural to hesitate when asked a question like this,' Grant said, 'and it's difficult for a person trained to use logic to accept the existence of anything--let alone a supernatural, all-knowing being--without evidence. That's one of the downsides of a legal education, I guess.'
'But you believe in God?'
'Harold believed that the concept of God was invented to keep the riffraff in line,' Grant answered, sidestepping Tim's question. 'He was very cynical, but was he right? If the poor didn't believe in a reward in the afterlife, would they suffer in this one or would they rise up against their betters? Harold believed that God and Law were invented by superior men to control the masses, and he believed that morality was relative.'
'There are rules, Judge. Morality isn't relative. We know in our heart when we do something wrong.' Kerrigan hung his head. 'I know.'
'That's guilt, which we experience when we believe--on faith--that there are divine rules of conduct. But what if you knew for a fact that there was no God and no rules other than those that you made? If that were true, you would be a free man, because the restraints that kept your desires in check would be released.'
'What does this have to do with Ally Bennett?'
'If God does not exist, if superior men play by their own rules, if there is no divine punishment, then Ally Bennett would cease to be a problem.'
'You mean that she could be killed?'
'Removed, Tim, the way you erase a disquieting sentence in a brief that you're writing or slap away an insect that has interfered with your peace of mind.'
'But there are rules, there are laws.'
'Not for everyone. Harold knew that for a fact.'
'What are you getting at, Judge? I'm not following you.'
'You're afraid to follow me. There's a difference. Answer me this: What would you do if I could assure you that there would never be any consequences if you removed Ally Bennett from your life?'
'You can't give me that assurance. No one can.'
'Pretend that I could.'
'I . . . I couldn't kill someone even if I knew that I could get away with it.'
'What if a burglar broke into your house and was going to kill Megan? Are you telling me that you wouldn't kill him?'
'That's different. That's self-defense.'
'Aren't we talking about self-defense? Isn't this woman threatening your life and the lives of those you love? Imagine yourself as a United States senator. That's within your grasp, Tim. Now think forward a few years. Can you see yourself as president of the United States, the most powerful person in the world?'
Kerrigan's mouth dropped. Then he laughed. 'Look at me, Judge. I'm not presidential material. I'm a hard drinker, a man who goes with whores to motels where you pay by the hour.'
'That is your image of yourself, but ask anyone in Oregon what they think of Tim Kerrigan and they'll tell you that he's a man of great character who has sacrificed personal wealth and fame for public service. Only one person can prove otherwise. Only one person can destroy your marriage and the way Megan perceives you. Only one person stands between you and your dreams and the happiness of your family.'
'I can't believe you're saying this. You believe in God. You're a devout Catholic.'
