what was going on had proceeded to flatten the youth-
ful thief.
“Fifteen days suspended, forty hours of community
service,” I said.
Next came a Latino migrant, one Ernesto Palmeiro,
age thirty, who had gotten drunk, “borrowed” a trac-
tor, and headed east, plowing a half-mile-long furrow
across several semi-rural lawns before the highway pa-
trol could head him off.
“He deeply regrets his actions,” said the translator,
“but he went a little loco when his wife left him and
went home to Mexico. He’s already repaired most of
the damage and throws himself on the mercy of the
court.”
I rather doubted if that was what he’d said, but what
the hell? “Fifteen days suspended on condition that he
finishes putting all the yards back the way they were,
including any plantings that he might have destroyed.”
I looked at his boss, a Latino landscaper, who’d spo-
ken on his behalf. “And I’d suggest, sir, that you teach
him how to lift the plows before you let him near an-
other tractor.”
I sent the exhibitionist for a mental health evaluation
85
MARGARET MARON
and gave the guy who’d tried to steal an antique lamp-
post from the town commons ten days of jail time.
The woman who bopped her boyfriend over the head
with the Christmas turkey while it was still on the serv-
ing platter? Ten days suspended if she completed an
anger management course.
Finally, Kevin called, “Raymond Alito, illegally parked
in a handicap space in violation of G.S. 20–37.6(e).”
A heavyset white man of early middle age rose and
came forward. He was neatly dressed in black slacks and
a gray nylon windbreaker worn over a red plaid shirt.
His black hair was thinning over the crown and there
were flecks of gray in his short black beard. He did not
look familiar to me, but if Linda Allred was here, then
he’d probably been cited for at least one earlier infrac-
tion of the code.
“I see you have chosen not to use an attorney, Mr.
Alito. How do you plead?”
“Your Honor, could I just tell you what happened?”
“Certainly, sir, as soon as you tell me whether you’re
pleading guilty or not guilty.”
“Not guilty then, ma’am.”
“Mr. Foster?”
“Your Honor, we will show that on December twenty-
third of last year, Mr. Alito illegally parked in a space
