“What about fingerprints?” said Frid.
“I didn’t touch anything,” said Colin.
“I kept my hands in my p-pocket,” said Stephen.
“Whichever it was, must have worked the lift,” Frid pointed out.
“The lift’s been used twice since then,” said Stephen.
“Twice, at least,” said Colin. “There won’t be any fingerprints worth talking about.”
“At any moment now,” Henry said, “Alleyn will come in and begin to ask questions. As soon as he sees what you are up to he’ll talk to you separately. If you think you’ve one sickly misbegotten hope of taking him in, you’re bigger bloody fools than anybody outside a bug-house.”
“Mummy’ll be back in a minute,” said Frid. “Don’t let’s have this going on when she comes in.”
Lord Charles said: “Stephen, did you commit this crime?”
“No, Father, I didn’t.”
“Colin?”
“No, Father, honestly.”
“On your most solemn word of honour, both of you.”
“No, Father,” repeated the twins. And Stephen added: “We’re not sorry he’s dead, of course, but it’s a filthy way to k-kill anybody.”
“Lousy,” agreed Colin cheerfully.
“I know very well that it seems grossly stupid and fantastic to ask you,” said Lord Charles. “Of course you are quite incapable of it. What I–I implore you to believe is that it is the last word in dangerous lunacy for an innocent man to lie to the police.”
“That’s what I keep t-telling Colin,” said Stephen.
“Then why don’t you take your own advice?” asked Colin. “Don’t be a fool. I went down in the lift, Father, and Stephen stayed in the drawing-room.”
“Which is a complete and sweltering lie,” added Stephen.
“So there you are,” said Frid. “Come off it, twins. It’s jolly clever, we all admit it’s jolly clever, but this is a serious affair. You can’t pit your puny wits against the master brain of Handsome Alleyn. You know, chaps, if it wasn’t for the fact that Uncle G. was murdered, it’d be rather a big moment for me having Handsome Alleyn in the flat. I’ve nursed an illicit passion for that man ever since the Gospell murder. Is he really the answer to the maiden’s prayer, Henry?”
“Do stop being crisp and modish, Frid,” begged Henry irritably. “You know that, like all the rest of us, you’re nearly dead with terror.”
“No, I’m not, honestly. I may wake up in the night bathed in a cold sweat but at the moment I’m sort of stimulated. Only I wish one of the twins would stop being mad.”
“I wish to God you’d all stop being mad,” said Lord Charles with sudden violence. “I feel as if I were looking at you and listening to you for the first time. Someone in this flat killed my brother.”
There was an awkward silence broken by Frid.
“But, Daddy,” said Frid, “you didn’t like Uncle G. Now did you?”
“Be quiet, Frid,” ordered Henry. “You don’t think any of the family did it, do you, Father?”
“
“Well, who does everybody think did it?” asked Frid brightly.
“Tinkerton,” said Colin.
“Or Giggle,” said Stephen.
“You only say Tinkerton or Giggle because you don’t know them as well as Baskett and the maids,” Henry pointed out.
“And Nanny,” added Frid.
“If I’d been Uncle G.’s or Aunt V.’s servant,” said Colin, “I’d have murdered both of them long ago. I must say I’m rather glad it’s going to be Alleyn. If we’ve got to be grilled it may as well be by a gent. But then I’m a snob, of course.”
“I th-think it’ll be rather uncomfortable,” said Stephen. “I’d rather it was the old-fashioned sort that says: ‘ ’Ere, ’ere, ’ere, wot’s all this?’ ”
“Which shows how ignorant you are,” said Frid. “No detective speaks like that. But I
“Why should I ring him up?” Henry demanded. “Ring him up yourself.”
“Well, I will presently. I think it’s only kind.”
“What’s Alleyn like?” asked Colin.
“Oh, very nice,” said Henry. “Sort of old-world without any Blimpishness. Rather frighteningly polite and quiet.”
“Hell!” said Stephen.
The drawing-room door opened and Patch came in wearing pyjamas and a dressing-gown. Her hair had been lugged off her forehead by Nanny with such ferocious emphasis that her eyebrows were slightly raised. Two hard plaits hung between her shoulders. Her round face shone and she smelt of bath-powder. To Roberta she was a mere enlargement of herself at twelve and still very much of the nursery.
“Mike’s asleep,” said Patch, “and I’ve never been wider awake in my life. Please, Daddy, don’t send me back. My teeth keep chattering.”
“Oh, Patch, darling!” said Lord Charles helplessly. “I’m so sorry. Come up to the fire.”
“You can’t face the police like that, Patch,” said Frid, “You’re too fat for
“I don’t care. I’m going to sit by darling Roberta and get warm. Daddy, are the police here now?”
“Yes.”
“Where’s Mummy?”
“With Aunt Violet.”
“Was Uncle G. murdered? Nanny’s being so maddening. She won’t talk about it.”
“Yes, he was,” said Frid impatiently. “It’s no good trying to fob Patch off with a vague story, Daddy. Uncle G.’s been dotted one, Patch, and he’s dead.”
“Who dotted him one?” asked Patch, rubbing her hands slowly over her knees.
“It must have been someone—” Lord Charles waved his hand “ — some lunatic who wandered up here. A wandering lunatic. Obviously. Don’t think about it, Patch. The police will find out about it.”
“Golly, how thrilling,” said Patch. She had squatted down by Roberta, who could feel her quivering like a puppy. “Daddy,” she said, “I’ve thought of something.”
“What is it?” asked her father wearily.
“You’ll be able to get rid of the bum.”
“Be quiet, Patch,” said Henry. “You’re not to talk about the bum.”
“Why not?”
“Because I tell you.”
Patch looked impertinently at Henry. “O.K., Rune,” she said.
“What!” cried Roberta.
“It’s quite right,” said Patch. “Henry’s to be called the Earl of Rune now. Isn’t he, Daddy?”
“Good God!” said Henry slowly. “So I am.”
“Yes,” said Patch with a certain complacency; “you are. And I, for instance, am now the Lady Patricia Lamprey. Aren’t I, Daddy?”
“Shut up, Patch,” said Colin.
“Yes, yes,” said Lord Charles hurriedly. “Never mind about it now, Patch.”
“And Daddy,” Patch persisted stubbornly, “you’re now—”
The drawing-room door opened. Alleyn stood on the threshold with Fox behind him.
“May I come in, Lord Wutherwood?” asked Alleyn.
Afterwards, when Roberta had time to review the events of that incredible day, she remembered that until
