It was an expression pssi-kids used and one I knew Aunt Patricia had a hard time understanding. It was a feeling we got when we couldn’t understand our own splinters and it felt like our conscious minds were spread outwards from a single point to become an indistinct smudge in time and space. I knew she didn’t quite understand, but I had no other way of explaining how I felt.
We were walking through the Lollipop Forest under a beautiful night sky, lit by a bright, chocolate chip moon with twinkling gumdrop stars.
“Why didn’t you tell me you wouldn’t be there?” I asked Aunt Patricia, finally letting myself ask the question. I didn’t like the idea of blame, but I had to know.
She sighed. “I was there dear, at least my primary subjective was, but I thought that you were the one throwing the switch. We all did.”
“But I checked with you not minutes before and your body was on the way to the Ballroom, what changed?”
Patricia looked up at the gumdrop stars. “Something with Uncle Vince came up.”
I angrily kicked at some lollipop sprouts.
“I’m so stupid.”
Everyone had had some last minute excuse, but in the end, it was my responsibility. It wasn’t like I couldn’t have seen it. Everyone’s physical metatags had properly indicated they were somewhere else, but I’d stopped paying attention to these a long time ago.
“You shouldn’t be beating yourself up so much,” Aunt Pattie said soothingly. “You’ve done a wonderful thing for the world.”
“Yeah-I’ve given them something to never stop laughing at,” I sulked.
The lollipop trees rattled softly as they jostled and bumped on their spindly stalks. Aunt Pattie had suggested coming here for a walk, just like we used to do when I was just a little splinter winky, but the place had lost its magic.
To try and cheer me up, she’d first tried taking me on a walk topside with Teddyskins, a reality skin that turned everyone around you into cute pink teddy bears. It’d been one of my favorites as a child, but I wasn’t a child anymore. Now all these worlds and spaces felt contrived and creepy.
“Don’t be silly,” she said softly, taking my hand pulling my head into her. She always gave herself an ample bosom, with a sturdy frame, in these childhood worlds.
My tears started again.
“You took the first step in bringing distributed consciousness to the world,” she tried to say encouragingly. “You’re still so young. Your whole life is ahead of you.”
I’d begun crying again in great heaving sobs. She let me cry a while, smothered in her chest.
“Have you talked to David?” she asked between my sobs.
“No, that’s over,” I choked out. “David was the reason I stayed at home physically for the launch. I felt so bad for always being away. We had a huge fight afterwards over it. It wasn’t his fault, but anyway, he and I were never really right.”
“I know, I know,” she responded soothingly. “What about Bob? Did you try him?”
I just shook my head as tears streamed down my face. “He dropped me a splinter, but he’s so stoned all the time. What’s the point?”
Aunt Pattie looked at me tenderly and dried my tears, and we continued to walk a while longer, stepping gently through the lollipops.
“I guess he just needs more time to heal as well.”
15
Identity: William McIntyre
“Well you just bloody well better figure out a way to fix it, my friend,” threatened Vicious, right up in Jimmy’s face.
Jimmy just laughed and walked through Vicious to pick up a file he was working on. Vicious sputtered indignantly.
We didn’t exactly make a very threatening package-the four stooges. I got the feeling that Jimmy had accepted to speak with us only as a courtesy to Bob. He didn’t really seem surprised or even to care. Then again, with the storms and him being newly appointed to the Security Council, he had a lot more important things on his plate right now.
“Look, I appreciate your situation, and I honestly feel for you,” Jimmy said after a moment, looking up from the file at me with disinterest, and then looking back to Bob and Sid. “I can’t do anything right now. I’m spread incredibly thin as it is. I just showed Willy where the tools were and, okay, sure I described how he could exploit some vulnerabilities, but so what?”
“Come on Jimmy, this is your fault, you can do better than that,” urged Bob. “We’ve got a real problem here, Willy is in serious trouble.”
“That’s an understatement,” laughed Jimmy, putting down the file. “Look, I’m really sorry about what happened. I was only trying to help Willy, to give him what he wanted.”
“Only to get what
Jimmy shrugged. “Aren’t friends supposed to help each other out?” He looked directly at Bob. “I mean, did you help him out? Did you even know how much financial trouble he was in?”
Bob looked away.
“I didn’t think so,” continued Jimmy. “Too caught up in getting stoned and partying with these idiots.” He motioned towards Sid and Vicious with a nod of his head, still looking at Bob. “Too busy having a good time to even pay attention to your family, which includes me now, if you haven’t forgotten.”
“Of course not,” said Bob quietly.
“You think I’m being uncaring?” Jimmy looked around at us all. “Have you seen the way Bob treats Martin?”
Nobody said anything, but the words almost physically impacted Bob. He rocked back on his feet a little.
“We all have problems, Bob,” added Jimmy, looking straight into Bob’s face now. “We all have our pain to deal with. You don’t think I’ve had it hard? I’m dealing with it, trying to become a part of the solution, taking responsibility. Going and laying blame everywhere else isn’t going to solve anything.”
This was starting to get personal.
“Look, this is my own fault okay?” I interjected, waving my hands in the air and stepping between Bob and Jimmy. “We’re not trying to lay blame, I’m just looking for a little help.”
Jimmy shook his head.
“I can’t help you, the situation you’ve created is beyond me right now.”
Bob and I both nodded, but Sid wasn’t buying it.
“Well then maybe we should go and speak with police about your part in this,” he suggested, trying his best to appear intimidating, but it just wasn’t him.
“And maybe I should tell those same police about some of the viral skins you’ve been letting loose in the cyber ecosystem,” replied Jimmy. “I’ve been watching you, my friend.”
“So what if he has?” bluffed Bob, now defending Sid. “Willy’s problem goes way beyond any nuisance Sid’s toys create.”
“Well maybe yes, but maybe no,” replied Jimmy in a threatening tone.
“What do you mean by that?” asked Bob.
“Go ahead and tell the police that I was involved,” replied Jimmy, ignoring Bob’s question, “but I’m the one on the Security Council, and it’s my job to know about the leaks, which I’ve since fixed by the way. And any chats I had with Willy were under tight security blankets, so it would be my word against his.” Jimmy let this settle awhile before adding, “Quite frankly, Willy being plugged through the perimeter and into Terra Nova, and us not being able to close the connection due to some legal nonsense, is a big problem.”
“So what? You’d just cut him off?” demanded Bob. “Where would he end up?”
