Ascension Day

mom’s as much as possible, and when you’re in town, maybe stay at my place. I know it’s only next door — but you can look through the spy-hole and see if anyone suspect is calling at your door. Gives you that extra minute or two to get out or phone for the police, whatever.’

‘Thanks, I appreciate it. And I’ll probably take you up on that offer.’ She forced a tame smile, then let out a fresh breath. ‘But enough about me. What about you — the fugitive of the hour?’ Her expression became more solemn again. ‘How are you coping, Jac?’

‘Oh, God.’ Jac lifted his eyes heavenward for a second. ‘Where to even start?’ He tried to keep his explanation just to filling in the gaps in what Alaysha probably already knew from Langfranc or news bulletins, so that it wasn’t too rambling. He raised the first full smile from Alaysha as he described walking through Libreville earlier that day disguised as Ayliss, already sweating because he was nervous, and with the unbearable heat of the prison and the extra padding and make-up, it literally pouring off of him. ‘I feared the make-up would start running and half my face would come unstuck and start peeling off. I had to call Morvaun straight after: emergency pit-stop for face maintenance!’ Alaysha was by now openly laughing — it was good to see her like that, Jac thought: the problems hanging over them for a moment forgotten. ‘Morvaun in fact has to follow me round from hotel to hotel, giving me regular patch-ups.’ He glanced at his watch. ‘Next one is here tomorrow at seven a.m., before I head out. Meanwhile, you’ll have to answer the door if room-service calls.’

She nodded, her smile fading as she became pensive again. ‘And how did it go with Durrant?’

He sighed heavily before explaining, the images from just over an hour ago burning fresh through his mind: the serge-green safe with a twist lock, just as it had been twelve years ago; apparently it would have been too much upheaval to have it moved or changed. The new owners seemed to remember the bookshelves being on the right-hand side, though the library now was just another bedroom, and the grandfather clock would have obviously been moved along with Roche’s other furniture and possessions, they pointed out. Though at that moment they suddenly recalled the sales brochure Roche’s realtor had done at the time, which they’d kept — and there it was proud in the corner on the hallway shot: a full-length walnut-cased grandfather clock.

Jac shook his head. ‘Everything… everything matched Larry’s descriptions from the session. Not a single thing wrong. And it hit me in that moment, Alaysha, harder than ever… he had to have been there that night. And all this crap with pool buddies and other places he might have been — I’m wasting my time. Have been from day one.’ Jac grimaced awkwardly. ‘Only I didn’t know it until now.’ Jac bit at his bottom lip, but this time as he went to shake his head, it seemed to lock, leave him transfixed, staring into mid-space. ‘And the thing is, I can’t blame or even get annoyed with Larry for it — because he simply can’t remember, doesn’t know whether he was there and killed her or not.’

‘It seems a shame to give up now… just when you’re so close. Only six days left.’

Jac let out a half laugh, half defeated sigh. ‘That’s the thing, Alaysha. I should have given up long ago… back when you told me to after almost drowning in the lake.’ Jac shrugged helplessly. ‘Certainly before now — on the run from a murder rap, life in tatters, not able to contact even my own family. My only escape walking around like an overweight wax doll, worried that half my face might melt off at any moment and people will start pointing… it’s him! It’s him!’ This time Jac’s smile was forced, pained. Alaysha knew that she wasn’t meant to join in.

Her eyes darted uncertainly for a second before she asked, ‘But I thought you had some guy with dance lessons for his kid that would have meant Durrant was definitely playing pool that night?’

Jac nodded. ‘Yeah, Bill Saunders. Though problems there, too. Larry remembered Saunders being there, which meant high chances that game was a Thursday night. But I called Saunders just before heading here, and he told me that once every month the dance teacher would change the day around. Then also a couple of times a year she’d close the classes for her holidays — one of which was always at Carnival time. In February.’ Jac grimaced. ‘Like so much else with Larry, hardly have you grabbed hold of it — the next moment it’s cruelly yanked away.’

Alaysha was thoughtful, the shadows back in her eyes, though from concern for him and Durrant this time rather than herself. ‘But what if you find something that convinces you he was innocent after the six days, when it’s too late — you’d never forgive yourself for giving up at the last moment. Especially with all you’ve been through.’

‘I know what you’re saying, Alaysha. But I’m tired, and I don’t know what else there is to find out. And there’s the real worry that I’ve been doing all this to try and free a guilty man.’ As Jac exhaled, it felt as if that breath was taking his last strength with it. ‘Every time I get up off from the canvas hoping that with the next punch I’ll hit something to convince me that Larry wasn’t there that night and didn’t do it — another blow comes to tell me that he was, knocks me back down again. And this time, Alaysha, I don’t know if I’ve got the strength to get back up.’

She reached out and gripped his arm then, lightly shaking, as if she might be able to inject some extra energy from herself into him. ‘But it’s only six days, Jac, and then you’ll know for sure. And if you still haven’t found anything and it looks as if Larry was there that night — at least then you’ll be able to tell yourself that you tried everything. Did all that you could.’

Jac nodded and closed his eyes for a second in acceptance. He could see the sense in what Alaysha was saying, but the sudden turnaround made him question, ‘What makes now so different to before — when you were urging me to give-up, throw in the towel? Or is it just one of those perverse women-things: always take up an opposite stance?’

Alaysha could tell from Jac’s sly smile that he was ribbing, but the effort of making it bore out what he was telling her: he was tired, defeated, had no strength left. ‘Because before Jac, you still had a long way to go — now you don’t. Now there’s only six days left to hang on.’

Six days. Said that like, it didn’t sound long, but with the way Jac felt at that moment, it seemed like a lifetime. He’d felt tired and worn-down before the nightmare with Gerry and the gun. But running like a rabbit from the police and the role play with Ayliss, worried that at any minute, a few words wrong or bumping into someone who’d known Ayliss, the game would be up — the BOP hearing and walking back into Libreville had been particularly nerve-racking, draining — all of that had sapped his last reserves, so that now he felt he had nothing left to give.

Alaysha watched Jac crumble before her, saw his painfully conflicting emotions, wanting desperately to continue, but not sure any more how to, or whether he had an ounce of energy or resolve left to be able to… and that vulnerability, as before, made her realize how deeply she cared for him, loved him, made her suddenly want to soothe him, comfort him, protect him.

She leant in close then, putting one arm around him and gently rocking, ‘Oh, Jac… Jac,’ starting to plant light kisses on his forehead and one cheek.

The softness and closeness of her made Jac melt. Jac, without knowing her thoughts, thinking how vulnerable she looked, still in her underwear, cross-legged before him, more concerned about his welfare than her own — even though a threat to her life might hang just around the corner for her. And in that moment, he didn’t think he’d seen anyone so beautiful; not just outside, but inside too. Body and soul.

A couple of tentative kisses by his lips, and then their tongues were touching, teasing; then suddenly the kisses became deeper, more passionate, and they were tearing the remaining clothes off each other.

Jac remembered reading somewhere that in times of war, people made love more frequently and fervently. While the bombs dropped around them, in air-raid shelters or ditches or bedrooms that shook with nearby explosions, they fucked. Soldiers visited whores the night before they went to the front line, or lonely women took them in for the night because they seemed exciting or different or had a packet of cigarettes or some nylons to give them. And much of that desperate love-making was not only because it might be their last chance, but because in those few moments they were reaffirming that they were still alive, still vital; while so much around them was being robbed of life by bullets and bombs, they were indulging in the one act that represented continuance of life.

What was happening now was probably little different, Jac thought — though too urgent and feverish to be termed love-making. They fucked. They fucked on the floor, on the bed, up against the wall at one point — Alaysha’s gasps and screams so loud that Jac thought the people in the next room would start banging and complaining.

They fucked with a heat and abandon they’d never known before, as if it might be their very last time; and perhaps, like the countless war-torn souls before them, that was because it might be. A bullet around the next