Kramer went over to the big plate-glass doors and beckoned Zondi over.
“Round the back here, there’s a bloke making tea. Chat him up for a start.”
He winked. Zondi smiled back.
“Then trot over to that place with the wall around it. There’s a garden inside with name-plates and flowers in the middle. Look them over and talk to whoever works there. The boss wants to speak to me.”
“Thanks boss.”
Kramer went into the office. Byers was taking a cardboard box out of a cupboard.
“There you are, Lieutenant. The tea’s coming-so’s Christmas. Now what do we do about this?”
The box was much lighter than Kramer had expected. He shook it.
“What is it?” he asked.
“The old dear that Georgie Abbott sent us by mistake.”
“Hell, I’d forgotten about her. Can’t you-er?”
“Sprinkle her about a bit? Oh, a little more wouldn’t hurt, but I’m afraid I must abide by the old by-laws. No papers, no last resting place here.”
“Then I suppose I’d better take it back with me meantime.”
“Good chap. Just sign this receipt, would you? Thanks.”
“Now I’m here, Mr Byers, perhaps I could ask you a few questions?”
“Certainly, delighted. But first I must ask you to come with me through to the control room. I’ve Maxwell amp; Flynn arriving any minute now. Friday is our busy day.”
Kramer followed him across.
“Please just go ahead, I’m going to fiddle about a bit but I can listen,” Byers said, closing the door.
Kramer sat down. He tapped the box in his lap.
“You know then, Mr Byers, that this lady was not intended for you. We’re interested in the one that was.”
“Naturally.”
“Mr Abbott has given us a statement in which he said that there was nobody attending this funeral and no flowers.”
“Well, he got that right anyway.”
“How would you know?”
“You’ve been here for a funeral, I suppose? You will then have noticed the officiating clergy presses a floor switch at the appropriate moment. That lights this up and I know when to start the music and get it rolling. Right?”
Kramer nodded. He had not asked for a detailed lecture but he should have realised the control panel had the look of a fancy toy about it.
“Now what if that bulb in there should go? There would be no red flash for me and what could happen then?”
“You’d hear the slow clapping begin.”
That was a mistake.
“I believe in a little levity at times, Lieutenant, but never in respect of the living. This is an important service we provide. It is not as simple as it looks. Timing is vital. And remember, the slightest hitch can cause immense distress to the bereaved who are already suffering enough.”
It took Kramer a moment or two to recover.
“I’m sorry, sir. Go on please.”
“It wasn’t anything, really. I was just going to point out to you this peephole gadget I’ve had installed for just such a contingency. I make a practice of regular inspections and can assure you that at no time did I see anyone present at that funeral besides the clergy and the funeral directors.”
“Is it one of those wide-angle lens things?”
“It is. Rather neat I think.”
Kramer put his eye to it.
“You didn’t see anyone hanging about before or afterwards?”
“No. Not that there’s really anywhere for them to hang, as you put it.”
There was a tap at the door and a sulky Zulu man entered with a tea tray.
“It’s taken you long enough, Philemon. Got your girl-friend in there, have you?”
Philemon kept his eyes on the brimming milk jug.
“All right, put it down over there and then go and give the front steps another wipe over. There’s been a dog sniffing about, leaving dust marks.”
“Yes, my boss. The policeman he wants to talk to his master.”
“I say, old boy-don’t go, have your tea first. I’m sorry I snapped like that, you just touched on rather a sore point.”
“I’ll come back,” Kramer said.
He returned in less than a minute.
“Any luck?”
“None at all.”
And Kramer’s face showed it.
“I’m just letting it stew a bit. Old Philemon never bothers to warm the pot first. Any more questions?”
“I can’t think of any, Mr Byers. Can you? Did anything unusual happen at all on Tuesday?”
“Hmmm. Why, it did, come to think of it.”
“What?”
“Oh, nothing you chappies want to know about. Milk?”
“Ta.”
“Oops, not ready yet. We’ll give it another minute.”
Claustrophobia had never been one of Kramer’s problems but now he began to exhibit signs of susceptibility. He disregarded the no smoking sign and lit a Lucky.
“Now where had we got to? Oh, yes. Seeing as we’ve got a moment or two, I may as well tell you. Quite the nicest thing happened; the chairman of the Parks Committee, no less, paid a call on me. He is nominally in charge of us, you see, and we are, in turn, responsible to him. Yet despite this I’ve never known a chairman before take the slightest notice of us personally. Milk, you said?”
Kramer poured his own.
“Some of these councillors have no right to be in office, if you ask me. They give you a job and expect you to get on with it. The only time you hear from them is when things go wrong. But Councillor Trenshaw not only called on me in my office, he also asked to see over the whole establishment. It was the end of the afternoon so I was happy to oblige him.”
“Why did he decide to come at that time? Did he know your hours?”
Kramer felt he had to say something.
“That was the most heartening aspect of it all, Lieutenant. He had been a mourner at the last funeral of this day but, as he said, he’d not let that make him forget the backroom boys.”
Councillor Trenshaw sounded a bit of a ghoul. Kramer’s interest picked up.
“And you showed him all over the place, you said? What about his dead friend?”
“More of a family acquaintance, I gathered.”
“Still, it seems a funny moment to pick. Do you mean he was there when the oven was going?”
“Of course.”
“Christ.”
“Good heavens! I see what you’re getting at, old boy. They were still taking the handles off in the preparation room when we went through to the incinerator. It was the girl who was being done-or so we thought at the time. We even discussed her case.”
“Really?”
“Councillor Trenshaw was very interested in her. He had arrived early for his friend’s funeral, which was immediately after hers, and had noticed how sad it was there were no people or flowers. That’s why he asked me who it was.”
