Inside the cool nest she lay down and composed herself. When she finally caught her breath, she began breathing slowly and regularly, counting her heartbeats. Gradually she extended the number of beats for each inhalation, for each exhalation, then she slowed her heart as well. She thought about Gryf, dying deliberately rather than giving his life to those he hated. And she thought about Jason, who would never kill even in vengeance. She was certain of that. If she were gone, he at least would be safe.
She felt the gasp reflex growing stronger and set her perception of it aside. Her breathing had ceased now, and her heartbeat would stop soon. Her thoughts slowed, her memory drifted to more pleasant times. She found herself with Gryf again, kissing him, standing in the clean hot lake, touched by spray from the overflow pipe. She smiled. A bright yellow star glittered through a gap between the ferns. Kylis let her eyes close, shutting out the last light.
Insistent hands shook her. She was dimly aware of them and of a voice calling her name. She concentrated more strongly on dying. A fist pounded her chest and she gasped involuntarily. Someone leaned down and breathed into her mouth, holding her chin up and her head back, forcing air into her lungs. Her heart pounded. Pushing the person away, Kylis sat up angrily and almost fainted.
Miria caught her and made her lie down again. 'Thank gods, I found you. I could hear you but then you disappeared.'
Kylis did not answer, but only blinked her eyes against the light Miria carried. She tried to be angry at her, but it seemed too futile.
'Kylis!' Miria's voice rose in panic. 'Are you there? Can you hear me?'
'Of course I'm here,' she said. She felt dizzy. She wondered why Miria had asked such a silly question. 'What do you mean, am I here?'
Miria relaxed and brightened her lantern. 'I was afraid I'd come too late.' She had a bad scar, pink and new, on her forehead.
'Get away from me. Why couldn't you let us alone?' Kylis knew she would not be able to try to kill herself again for quite a while; she had used up too much strength.
'Gryfs all right,' Miria said.
Kylis stared at her. 'But I saw-- How do you know? You're lying!'
'He's all right, Kylis. I know. Please trust me.'
'Trust you! You told the Lizard about Gryf and Jason and me! He never knew before how much he could hurt us! And now he'll go after Jason, too, so I'll-- ' She stopped.
'The Lizard knew you were together, but I never told him your plans. You honored me with a request to join your family. Do you think your judgment of me was so wrong?'
Kylis sighed. 'It wasn't very good about the kid who turned me in.' She had to rest and breathe a moment. 'I saw you go inside the fence without any guards. And after that, the Lizard-- '
'What was he trying to make you do?'
'Have a child and give it to him.'
Miria sat back on her heels. 'To Lizard? Gods.' She shook her head in disbelief, in sympathy for Kylis, for anyone, particularly a child who would come under the Lizard's control. The yellow lantern glow glinted from the dark and lighter brown strands of Miria's hair. Kylis suddenly saw the two distinct colors for the first time. The lighter brown was not sun-streaked-- it grew that way naturally.
'You're a tetra, aren't you?'
Miria looked up, and Kylis knew she would not lie. 'Yes. Anyway,' she said sadly, 'I used to be.'
'They let you go?'
'No!' She ran her hand across her hair and spoke more calmly. 'No. I was never like Gryf. I never understood what he wanted, at least until a few days ago. Until you and I talked... ' She drew in a long breath. 'Three years ago I was in an accident. I was foolish. I took chances I had no right to take, and I nearly drowned. I died for several minutes. No oxygen could get to my brain.' She looked away, fiddling with the control on the lantern. 'I can remember who I used to be, but I'm not her anymore. I cannot do the work I was meant for. I feel so stupid... I was afraid you'd done that to yourself. I was afraid you'd damaged your brain.'
'I'm all right, Miria.' Kylis pushed herself up on her elbow, suspicion and anger forgotten for a moment. 'They sent you here because you had an accident? I think that's awful.'
'They could have-- they should have, for what I did. But I'm here to watch Gryf.'
'To protect him? And you let them put him in the box?'
'You know enough about Gryf to know...' Miria's voice faltered. 'I was not here only to be sure he lived. I wanted to force him to go back to his team. I wanted him to make up for my failure.'
'Why should he be responsible?'
'Because we're the same.'
'Miria, I don't understand.'
'He had the same place I did, on a different team. For important projects we make two groups and keep them separate, so they will confirm each other's research or develop alternate lines. Gryf is my trans-brother. That is what we call tetras with the same parents in opposite couples.' She rubbed her tawny forearm. 'He was never meant to be a trans, of course, but it made no difference for the work. I crippled my team-- I felt I had to keep Gryf from crippling his. I felt responsible.'
'What's going to happen now?'
'Now...' Miria grasped Kylis' hands. 'I'm not a tetra anymore, Kylis. I have no vote. But I have a say, and I will do my best to persuade them to set him free.'
'Miria, if you can-- '
'I may do no better than keep them from sending him back here.'
'Why did you change your mind?'
'Because of what you told me. I thought about it all the time Gryf was in deprivation. What I was doing to him to force him to share my loyalties-- I almost killed him! I allowed the Lizard to torture him. You knew better than I what that could mean.'
'But he's all right-- you said he's all right.'
'He is,' Miria said quickly. 'He will be. He overcame the drugs and put himself in a deep trance. I haven't lied. But I had nothing to do with freeing him before he died. I understand now what happened. After two days I realized Gryf must be let go, but the Lizard would not come out and he would not reply to my messages. He hoped to break you to his will and Gryf to mine. When he could not-- finally he was afraid to keep Gryf in there any longer.' Her voice was strained. 'I've caused you so much pain. I hope
some day you will all be together, and happy, and will be able to forgive me.'
'Miria, I wish-- '
The roar of a plane drowned out her words. Kylis glanced up, startled. In all the time she had been at Screwtop, she had never heard or seen a plane. The North Continent was too far away, and here there was no place to land.
'I've got to go. I shouldn't have left Gryf, but I had to talk to you.' Miria helped Kylis to her feet and out of the shelter. Kylis accepted the help gratefully. She felt wobbly.
They waded through shimmering shadows as Miria's light swung on her hip.
'Kylis,' Miria said slowly. 'I don't know what will happen. I hope I can free Gryf. I will try to help you. And Jason. But the Lizard serves the government well. They may decide he was right and I wrong. Whatever happens will take time, and I may not be able to do anything at all. I don't want to deceive you.'
'I understand.' Jason was in no less danger now, nor was she. But at least Gryf was safe. For a few moments Kylis could set aside her fear in the joy that he was alive.
They entered the compound's long clearing and reached the path that led toward the prisoners' shelter. Kylis saw the vertical-takeoff plane hanging in midair. It slowly lowered itself, straight down, until it was out of sight behind the bank. Its engines slowed, idling.
'I can't take you to your shelter,' Miria said. 'I'm sorry-- '
'Can I come the rest of the way-- just to be sure-- ?'
'Gryf will already be on the plane, Kylis. You wouldn't be allowed to see him.'
'All right,' she said reluctantly. 'I can get back myself from here.'
'Are you sure? Will you be all right?'
