future,
I was trying to explain what science is about and how you conduct it! But I wouldn't be here if I thought the expedition was for nothing, and nor would you.'
Alzena spoke. 'I cannot agree to risk ecological stability by leaving our support systems prematurely. It could mean disaster.'
Infinity spoke again. 'I tell you that if this starship is held back from its journey for one year, for three years, it will never recover. It will never leave orbit- It won't have an ecosystem.'
They had all seen films of the central plaza of Santa Fe, blasted into rubble, poisoned, destroyed.
No one disputed what Infinity said. But Alzena's warning could not be shrugged off.
'Despite the dangers, I propose that we accelerate the mission's departure to Tau Ceti,' Thanthavong said, as if it were the most ordinary thing in the worid. 'I propose that we take advantage of Victoria's new transition solution.' She rose to her feet.
Victoria waited.
STARFARERS 221
By ones, by twos, by small groups, the members of the deep space expedition rose to signify their agreement.
On the way home, Victoria felt simultaneously elated, frightened, and drained. She walked with Stephen Thomas;
J.D. and Satoshi followed close behind.
'Say, Victoria . . .' J.D. said.
'Victoria, you did it!' Stephen Thomas said at the same time.
'No thanks to you,' Victoria said.
'Now you're mad at me. Shit, I couldn't resist the line.
And after all, it's true.'
'It is not, and even if you had to say it, you should have realized what lousy timing it was.'
'Come on, now,' Satoshi said mildly. 'It turned out all right.'
'Maybe. We still have a long way to go.'
Victoria fell silent, knowing that the argument embarrassed Satoshi, especially since J.D. was with them. She wished she could get into a straight-ahead fight with Stephen Thomas. It seemed as if ever since she got home. every other conversation she had with him deteriorated into bickering. She could not understand why. Maybe they just needed to clear the air.
'J.D., what were you going to say a minute ago?'
'I ... this is hard—'
They heard footsteps approaching at a run.
'Hey, wait for me!'
Feral rushed up, panting.
'Somebody said you had the meeting! Why didn't you tell me? What happened? Damn!'
'You should have been there,' Stephen Thomas said. 'You missed the creation of—'
'Stephen Thomas!' Victoria said sharply.
'What?'
'1 think we have to start being careful what we discuss in front of Feral.'
'He was in my office while we were 'conspiring,' for god's sake,' Stephen Thomas said. 'You didn't object then.'
'I didn't think of it then. So shoot me.'
'Don't you trust me to tell your story straight?' Feral exclaimed.
222 Vonda N. Mcintyre
'Your interests can't always coincide with ours.'
'Maybe we could tell him what happened, off the record,'
J.D. said hesitantly.
'This is bullshit,' Stephen Thomas said. 'We made the decision in a goddamned public meeting. It's to our advantage if Feral tells our side. Otherwise it'll all come from the chan-cellor—or the GAO. Feral, Victoria's research produced a second transition solution. Faster, shorter, better. And sooner. At the meeting we agreed to move the schedule up.'
'And I missed it—? Damn! I obviously haven't cultivated my sources properly.'
'It's been a tough day,' Satoshi said. 'We didn't exclude you on purpose—'
'Never mind the apologies. Tell me everything that happened. How soon—?'
Victoria walked ahead, angry at Stephen Thomas more because he was right then because he was telling Feral everything. J.D. hurried to keep up with her.
'Victoria, I have to go back to earth.'
Completely-shocked, Victoria stopped short and faced J.D.
'What?'
'It's Zev. The diver. He's disappeared. This is hard to explain, but I have to help him—'
'Help him! What about us? My god, J.D., this expedition exists to support you! You can't leave it now.'
'I have to. I have responsibilities—'
'What about your responsibility to us? You let us put ourselves on the line without telling us what you'd decided, you stood with us for the change—how could you do this?'
'I'm sorry,' she said, unable to meet Victoria's gaze, staring at her feet like an embarrassed child. 'I tried, but . . . The expedition isn't only for me, that's silly—'
'If you think it's silly, then maybe you'd better leave.'
'But—'
They reached the tumoff to J.D.'s house. J.D. stopped;
Victoria continued, into the darkness.
'Um, maybe I'll see you tomorrow?' J.D. said.
Victoria could not trust herself to speak. Satoshi, Stephen Thomas, and Feral, unaware of what J.D. had decided, paused long enough to say good night to her; their voices, the words indistinct, faded behind Victoria.
STARFARERS 22 3
'Victoria, wait!'
She broke into a run.
The courtyard surrounded her with a soft carnation scent.
The lights glowed on in the main room of the house, responding to her approach. At the open French windows. Victoria kicked off her shoes and stepped inside, onto the cool, rustling reed mats. Their texture usually pleased her. Her vision blurred. Stephen Thomas's complicated distillation equipment hunkered on the floor like some misbegotten creature in a cheap special-effects movie.
Opening the door, Stephen Thomas came in and stood beside her, just gazing at her.
Victoria walked across the reed mats, passing the still.
'I wish you'd move that thing,' she said. 'Good night.'
Stephen Thomas watched as she vanished into the back corridor. Satoshi and Feral came in behind him.
'Is she all right?'
Stephen Thomas shrugged, mystified and upset.
'Maybe I'd belter go stay at the visitor's house,' Feral said. 'I've really thrown a monkey wrench into this . . .'
'No,' Satoshi said. 'You're our guest. Victoria and Stephen Thomas and I obviously have some misunderstandings to clear up between us, but we shouldn't inflict them on you.'
'Come sit down,' Stephen Thomas said. 'I want to tell you about the meeting.'
Feral hesitated, tempted.
'Go ahead,' Satoshi said. 'I'll talk to Victoria.'
In her bed, Victoria curled around her pillow and thought about going back into the main room, behaving the way Stephen Thomas always did, acting as though she had said nothing for which she needed to apologize. But she did need to apologize. And she could not quite face it tonight.
