That triggered a fresh bout of reliving every second she'd spent with Seth Mackey. She'd been so wanton, so needy. Thinking of him made her catch her breath and press her shaking thighs together, even though her body was exhausted and sore from his hard use. Even though she was burning with shame. She'd been so stupid.
By the time the clock ticked over to 2:30 A.M., she gave up on sleep, and put on her jogging clothes. She would tear around the block a few times, unload some of this nervous energy.
She did a few stretches on the porch, and broke into a jog, darting between pools of shadow cast by the bushes. The breeze smelled of rain and dead leaves. The darkness was more menacing than usual, but she chalked it up to her mood. She needed to ground herself, and then she could start the process of disguising herself as a normal person.
She heard the muffled pop of a car door opening. Her heart leaped into her throat. She spun around and broke into a dead run.
She heard light, running footsteps behind her. “Raine, hey—”
She recognized his voice, but she'd gone too far down the road to panic to turn back. She gathered her breath for a scream, and Seth clamped his hand over her mouth. “It's just me, you idiot. Calm down.”
She sank her teeth into his hand. He yanked her braid back, forcing her to release his hand. She lunged for his eyes with her keys.
He blocked her hand and pinioned it behind her back. “Don't fight me!”
“You scared me!” she hissed. “Let me go!”
He maintained his hard grip on her wrist and braid. “I'm sorry I scared you—”
“Oh, thanks!” She thrashed against him, furious.
“—but there
Her heart was beating so fast she felt almost faint. “A few seconds for what?”
He lifted her hand up to his face, the one that had the keys clutched in it like a dagger. He brushed the back of her hand across his cheek, an awkward, uncertain gesture. 'To apologize,” he mumbled.
She went limp with shock. “Apologize?”
“Yeah.”
She twisted in his arms. He loosened them just enough for her to swivel around and look him in the face. His eyes gleamed in the dim light of the streetlamp. Pirate eyes, dark and watchful. The night shadows made the planes and angles of his beautiful face seem even more inscrutable. “That’s
“Yeah, I know. It was terrible, I was wrong, I'm the scum of the earth. What the hell are you doing out here? Jogging? Are you nuts?”
She brushed aside his diversion without even noticing it “Let me get this straight You mean you've changed your mind? You no longer think that I was paid to sleep with you?”
“Right. Exactly. You got it.”
She was alarmed by the little burst of joy that went through her. It proved beyond all doubt that she had an inexhaustible source of blind, self-destructive stupidity inside her. “What changed your mind?”
He glared at her. “I thought it through.”
“You thought it through,” she repeated, surprise giving way to anger. “Good for you, Seth. How perceptive of you. How sensitive.”
He stiffened. “Lazar set you up, Raine. He offered you to me like a cigar. What was I supposed to think?”
So it was true. Just as she had suspected. She filed that chilling bit of information away for future thought. “And you took what he offered,” she pointed out. “That makes you just as bad.”
He started to say something, and stopped himself. He shook his head, and pulled her against him, hard. “I wanted you.”
“That's gratifying, I suppose,” she faltered, squashed against the solid wall of his chest “But it was so amazing, what we shared today. And then—and then you—”
“Yeah, I know” he broke in. “I was an asshole. I'll apologize forever if you want. Let me grovel. Here, watch this. Gold medal, Olympic groveling.” He sank to his knees, still clutching her waist.
Raine batted at his head. He ducked, weaving back and forth, but not really trying to evade her blows now that the nervous energy had gone out of them. After a moment, she subsided and just stood quietly in his grasp, staring down into his dark eyes. A hot, trembling sensation was spreading throughout her body. Her fingers had gotten threaded through his hair somehow. She was almost petting him.
He was working his black magic on her already, clouding her mind with his sorcerer's tricks. Making her forget what a bastard he had been, how much he had hurt her feelings. She dug her fingers into his thick hair and tugged it, hard. He winced, but did not yield. His chin was pressed against her navel, and he gripped her hips, the intense warmth of his big hands sinking through the fabric.
Her throat was vibrating, her whole body was vibrating, as if she were about to shake apart. “Let me go, Seth,” she whispered.
“No. I'm not letting you go until you accept my apology.”
She covered her face with her trembling hands, smelling the scent of his hair upon them. “It doesn't work that way. You can't coerce me into accepting your apology.”
“Watch me.” His voice was low and stubborn.
“We'll freeze out here. Don't be ridiculous.”
“I'll keep you warm.” He pressed his face against her belly. The heat of his breath spread through the zippered sweatshirt.
She was shaking so hard now that his hair sliding between her fingers was her only point of reference, the only way to tell which way gravity was supposed to pull in this shifting universe. Her anger was draining away. It leaked out as if she were a sieve, leaving her hollow and desolate. She just wasn't designed to hold anger for very long. It was a structural flaw in her basic personality.
Canny as he was, he felt the exact instant that she softened. He rose to his feet, opened the back door of the Chevy and pushed her smoothly inside. He followed her in and shut the door. The lock snapped down. They sat together in the dense darkness, silent but for their ragged breathing.
He pulled her shivering body onto his lap, tucked her head into the curve of his neck, and hugged her hard. She felt his mute, painful apology in the quivering tension of his muscular body.
She also felt the pulse leaping in his throaty the heat of his erection against her thigh. Maybe that was all this was about. He hadn't gotten enough this afternoon, the insatiable bastard, and he thought he could just apologize and have some more. Anger flickered inside her, but she was too tired to fan the flame. It guttered and died. She was burned out, content to lie against him, exhausted.
He nuzzled her neck with small, soothing kisses, and his heat radiated into her body, making her sigh and stretch, almost purring. What an odd sensation it was to be held like a baby in his strong arms, surrounded by his heat. She felt protected, cuddled. It was an illusion, of course, but a lovely, delicious one. She wanted it to last.
But it was stupid to relax. Seth was a maze of contradictions. Tenderness and cruelty, seductive persuasion and ruthless coercion, wound together so tightly that it was impossible to pull them apart. Every barrier she put up he brushed aside as if it were tissue paper. She didn't have the strength to construct another one tonight.
“Don't you make a fool of me again, Seth Mackey.” She pressed her mouth against the hot, velvety skin of his neck and nipped him, hard enough to make him wince. “Don't you dare.”
His arms tightened until she could barely breathe. “I won't.”
She wiggled in his arms. “Hey. Ease up “ she protested.
“No.”
“Just let me breathe,” she said. “I'm not going anywhere.”
His eyes were doubtful, but he loosened his grip. Very slightly.
She pried herself out from under his chin. “Don't think that just because I'm letting you hold me means that you're off the hook.”
His teeth flashed. “Wouldn't dream of it.” There was an infinitesimal purring sound, and her zipper gave way. He shoved her sweatshirt open, and his hands slid inside, moving over her body.
