attention to a square, gleaming stone set in the meadow grass. He walked up to the spot. It was a gravestone, set flush to the ground. The grass was cut short around it, and it was scrubbed severely clean of the lichen and moss that decorated the other rocks. He squatted down and brushed away the leaves and pine needles.
Kevin Seamus McCloud
January 10, 1971-August 18, 1992.
Beloved Brother.
A buried memory stirred in the back of his mind. Jesse had mentioned his partner having lost a brother some years back, but the information had been of no interest to him at the time.
Sean was thirty-one, just like this Kevin would have been. He must have lost his twin ten years ago, when he was only twenty-one.
This time, when the ache started up, he didn't try any of his usual tricks to distract himself. Seth just gritted his teeth, and breathed and waited. The decade-old marble slab told a mute, painful story, with the blunt simplicity of stone. He squatted there and quietly listened to it.
It hurt. It shook him. His jaw ached, and his throat ached, and his legs fell asleep. The cold wind swept around and through him. He just kept brushing away the dead leaves and pine needles that blew across the marble and endured the tumult inside him without trying to understand or control it.
When he finally got onto his feet, he stood for a long time until the pins and needles faded. He used the time to scan the meadow grass around him for some color. If there had been any wildflowers around, he would've picked some and left them on Kevin's grave, since nobody was watching. He couldn't follow up on the weird impulse, though, because there were no wildflowers to be found. Just frostbitten grass, red-brown needles, fir cones and dead leaves.
When he could finally put weight on his feet again, the wind was up. It tossed the trees and made the forest rustle and creak. Something had changed. The wind, the weather, the landscape in his mind.
He was going to stop pushing the world away. That would be his tribute to Jesse's memory. And he would start with the McClouds. He owed them, big time. He could never have gotten Raine out of there alive without their help. He would swallow all the irritating, brotherly bullshit they dished out, and be grateful for it. And if he needed them more than they needed him, well, tough shit. That was nothing to be ashamed of.
And Raine. Oh, God, Raine.
Wind swept through the trees with nail-biting, knuckle-gnawing urgency, in the hospital, when she was zonked out on Demerol, she'd told him that she loved him. She had ordered him not to die. That was promising, but he hadn't grown up with a junkie mother without learning Rule Number One. Things people said when they were stoned did not count Ever.
She might very well push him away. It would be no more than he deserved, after all the shit he had pulled. Spying on her, seducing her, lying to her, manipulating her. And after all that, accusing her of betrayal. The thought made him cringe.
He had to risk it anyway. He would prostrate himself. Grovel and beg until she gave in from sheer exhaustion. She was too sweet and forgiving for her own good, just like Jesse. That might work in his favor, just this one last time, and then he would never take advantage of it ever again.
Nor would he let anyone else do so. He would be her dragon and her white knight, rolled into one. He would spend the rest of his life protecting her, cherishing her. Treating her like the red-hot, gorgeous, adorable love goddess that she was.
Raine was a thousand times too good for him, but what the fuck. He might get lucky. He moved faster and faster through the forest. By the time he burst through the trees into the meadow, he was running like a racehorse.
“The nerve of the man, to make you change your name back to Lazar. Insufferable, arrogant bastard. Condition of your inheritance, indeed. Pah. Pure, vintage Victor. Ever the manipulator.”
“I don't really mind,” Raine said patiently. “The name seems more mine than Hugh's name ever was.”
Alix spun around from the closet she was rifling through, and frowned at her daughter. “You've changed, Lorraine. I don't know where this uppity, know-it-all attitude of yours comes from, but I for one do not like the change one bit.”
Raine tugged her comb carefully through the tangled lock of hair. “I'm sorry it bothers you. I'm afraid it's here to stay.”
“See? There you go again. Another sassy, uppity remark. I swear, I'm losing my patience.” Alix shook her perfectly coiffed blond head and dove back into the closet, pulling out another garment with a gasp. “Oh, my God. Look at the cut of this gorgeous thing. Dior, of course. A fortune's worth of clothes that murdering bastard bought, and they're wasted on you. Just wasted. Pity they're so small.” Alix shot herself an admiring glance in the full length mirror, smoothing her hands over her trim figure. “Two sizes up, and they would be perfect for me.”
“Terrible shame” Raine murmured, with a completely straight face. She fished out another tangle to work on. She had been wearing her hair down since she'd come back from the hospital. It hurt too much to raise her elbows high enough to braid or coil it, but when she left it down, the wind whipped the curls into a hopeless tangle.
Alix slanted her a suspicious look. “Don't you get smart with me.”
Raine smiled at her. “I'm not, Mother.”
For the first time ever, Alix did not protest the title. Her mouth tightened, and she threw the plastic-wrapped jacket she had been admiring onto the bed. “None of this is my fault, you know.”
“I know that,” Raine soothed.
“No, you don't. I know what you think of me. I know what Victor probably told you. I can't change the past. I made mistakes, as we all do. Maybe I was cold and selfish. Maybe I was a terrible mother, but I did try to do the right thing, Lorraine. I didn't want you to get hurt.”
“I got hurt anyway” Raine said. “But I appreciate the effort.”
“Well. That’s something, I guess.” Alix sat down on the bed, kicked off her shoes and scooted behind Raine. “Give me that comb “
Raine hesitated before she handed it over. Hair-combing had never been Alix's forte, and Raine had learned early to brush and braid her own hair. But Alix's hands were gentle, starting from the bottom and working carefully up. “Tell me what happened,” Raine asked her.
The comb stopped. “You know most of it by now, I'm sure.”
“Not from your point of view” Raine said.
Alix resumed combing. “Well. Victor was making money hand over fist the summer of '85 “ she began slowly. “I didn't know how, and I didn't want to know, but we were living in very high style, and I liked it.”
She paused, working on a stubborn tangle. When the comb eased through it, she began again. “Peter got very depressed that summer. He said it was all blood money. That the three of us should run away and grow carrots and onions in a hut somewhere. Melodramatic nonsense. I tried to convince him to let Victor deal with the rough side of things. But once Peter got an idea in his mind... well, he was like you, that way. Then he told me he was going to put a stop to it, once and for all. Ed Riggs had promised him immunity if he testified against Victor.”
“And you tried to stop him?”
“I got an idea,” Alix said, her voice uncertain. “I knew that Ed was attracted to me, so I decided to ... take advantage of that tact.”
“You told Victor what Peter was up to. And you seduced Ed.”
“Don't judge me.” Alix's voice shook. “I thought Victor would bring Peter to his senses. He'd always been able to manipulate him before. I never dreamed that anyone would get hurt. I just wanted for things to stay the way they were.”
“I understand that,” Raine said. “Please go on”
The strokes of the comb became smoother as the tangles gave way. “You know the rest,” Alix said. “I had no idea what Ed was capable of. He became obsessed. He wanted to leave his wife and kids, and run away with me. And then—”
The comb dropped. Raine waited. “Yes?” she prompted gently.
“Then there was that day I came out of the house and saw him chasing you. I knew, somehow. What must have happened. What you must have seen. I saw his face. He was crazy. He could have killed you.”
“Yes, I remember” Raine whispered. “I think he almost did”
