Lana remained where she was on the floor, squatting like some primitive warrior woman delivering a baby in the dirt. She was no longer shaking. It was comfortable down there, near the dusty skirting board. She stayed there for a long time even after they left, thinking about her options, trying to work out what to do about the situation. Once again, she had failed her daughter. The choices she had made led only to despair.
Soon all she could think of was Hailey’s face when she walked through the door after school to find the flat emptied of their belongings.
Hailey’s poor, sad face and a single word, one she’d always been afraid of, even when it had entered her life two years ago. A word that stayed there, lodged inside her head, even when she stood up, crossed the room and closed the door. Her hands, when she looked at them, were as steady as those of a stone sculpture.
The word in her mind brought horror, it promised terror and a release from financial bondage: the word was
THE THREE MEN walked outside and headed towards their car, the largest of the group hanging back from his colleagues. He stopped, looked up, and then looked back at the Grove Court flats, feeling a strange tingling sensation at the back of his neck, as if he were being watched.
“Boater! You coming?”
He kept staring at the grey-walled building, his eyes scanning the facade. Finally they came to rest upon the window of the flat they’d just left — Lana Fraser’s place. What was drawing his gaze? Why was he staring so hard, so intently, at that window? Was it that he was desperate to get another glimpse of the woman inside? Yes, she was beautiful, but he’d seen better. In truth, he’d had better. Despite his size, and the fact that he was not a handsome man, the power associated with his position as one of Monty Bright’s pack-dogs ensured that he never went hungry for physical pleasure.
No, it wasn’t just her beauty. There was something more — an inexplicable desire, a craving. It exhausted him to think about her, and the obscene act he’d put on inside the flat had caused him to lose his grip on the day. All he wanted now was to go home and rest.
“Come on, man! For fuck’s sake, we have work to do. That junkie needs sorting out, for one thing. Monty doesn’t want him coming down from his high before he can go to work on the skinny bastard’s arse.”
Francis Boater fought hard to drag his eyes from the window. He strained, forcing the muscles in his neck to turn his head. Then, when he was once again facing in the direction he was meant to be heading, he pushed his reluctant feet across the pavement.
“I’m coming,” he said, but what he really wanted was to get away, to go back to the flat and tell that woman that everything would be fine. These thoughts were new to him; never before had he felt even a glimmer of tenderness. Not way back when his mother used to treat him like a house pet, or during any of the subsequent desperate relationships he’d fallen into. This feeling — it was so large, so much bigger than him, that he felt like falling to his knees and crying, or pummelling the nearest face into mush.
Yes, that was it — that felt so much better. A normal reaction: the lust for violence. Francis Boater would be nothing, just an empty shell, if it were not for the violence at his core. It was what drove him, what made him real.
He joined the others at the car, those alien thoughts banished for now. Banished but not forgotten.
CHAPTER SEVEN
HAILEY KNEW SOMETHING was wrong before she even entered the main door of the Grove Court flats. She stood outside the building, clutching her book bag, and looked up at the balcony of the flat she and her mother shared. The window looked smeared, as if someone had rubbed dirt across the glass. The concrete balcony jutted out from the facade like an afterthought, its crooked rail looking as loose and dangerous as ever.
She thought about the Needle, and what had happened to her there. She had no real memory of the events, just a vague image of hummingbirds and something small and lithe and dusty darting towards her from the shadows. Then she’d blacked out and found herself lying on a grass verge a mile away, on the border of the estate, with that man — was his name Tom? — leaning over her, his face knitted with concern.
She pulled the strap of her book bag over her shoulder and pushed on through the door, into the building. At the bottom of the stairs she felt an involuntary internal shudder pass through her as she glanced up the concrete stairwell. Hailey didn’t like enclosed spaces, and the stairs always smelled of stale piss and sweat. Kids often sat around on the steps at night, drinking beer and smoking spliffs, urinating up the walls and shouting into the empty spaces.
She began to climb the stairs, clinging to the handrail and moving as quickly as she could without fear of stumbling. By the time she reached the next floor, she was breathing heavily. Her stomach rolled, once, as if she were carrying something fluid in there, and she belched. Tasting egg in her mouth, she opened the fire door and moved slowly across the landing, heading for the door to their flat.
Outside the door she took out her key and adjusted the bag on her shoulder. Her stomach felt bloated, gaseous. She rubbed the area above her belly button, experiencing mild discomfort. Then she slipped the key into the lock, jiggled it, and turned. The door latch popped and she kicked the door open a couple of inches, jamming her foot between door and frame to stop it from closing again — the lock mechanism was automatic, and she didn’t want to have to fiddle with the key again.
“Mum.” She walked into the hallway, pushing the door shut behind her. The latch clicked into place. She threw her keys onto the telephone table, let her book bag fall to the floor, and shrugged off her jacket. Her arms felt cold; she hugged herself, rubbing at them, wondering if she was coming down with something. There was some kind of bug going around at school, and she could easily have picked it up from one of the other kids.
“Mum! You in? I’m home… what’s for dinner?” She walked along the short hallway, turning the corner into the living room, and was surprised to see her mother sitting on the floor and cradling her head in her hands. The side of her neck was red, livid, and the lights were out. The sky outside the window was growing dark, signalling the early approach of evening.
Then she noticed that most of the furniture was gone.
“I’m sorry, honey. They took it all.” Her mother’s voice was muffled, as if she were afraid to make herself properly heard. “All of it.”
Hailey remained where she was, standing in the doorway. “Did they take the TV?
“Yes. I’m sorry. They took anything they could sell. I didn’t have the money. I couldn’t get it. I tried.” She removed her hands from her face and looked up. Her cheeks were pale against the red rawness of her throat, and her eyes were dark. “I really did try. I even rang around a few old friends of your father’s, turned on the sob story… but the fuckers didn’t even want to know.” She stood, sliding her spine up the wall as she straightened her legs. “Not one of those sorry bastards would even offer us a few quid, just to keep the wolf from the door.” She smiled, but it was not a pretty sight. It looked more like she was baring her teeth, trying to snarl like an animal. “And that’s what they are: wolves. Or maybe sharks.” She smiled again, and Hailey looked down at the tops of her shabby trainers.
“It’s okay, Mum. We’ll survive. It’s just stuff… belongings. We can replace them.” She didn’t mean what she said, but she knew it would comfort her mother. Hailey felt nothing, she was beyond feelings. Whatever had happened to her at the Needle had exacerbated a transformation that was already well under way. Gradually, over the past few months, she had been shedding the capacity to empathise, to experience emotions in the way she saw others do. It felt like she was removing herself from the society in which she was trapped. Like a snake, she was shucking off her skin, layer by layer, to reveal a new being beneath.
Quite where these thoughts had come from, she was unsure. They were brand new, alien. She had never before even considered notions like these, and it was terrifying and enlightening. Somewhere deep within Hailey, it
