Burden of Sisyphus

and walked into the office.

The room was a cacophony of memorabilia collected from the dean’s years as a fleet captain before accepting the honored position at the Academy. Certificates and medals were framed in shadow boxes, mounted on the left and right walls. The rear wall was surprisingly barren. The shelves held only a few items, though their significance to the dean was obvious.

Braced by a stand, a copy of the Salisha, the holy text of the Avalon religion, was proudly displayed. Beside it, a bronze-cast figure of Itharial the Martyr sat on display. Though Keryn was well aware of the Avalon’s deep-seated religious beliefs, she always found the figure of the Martyr disturbing. The statue showed the Martyr in traditional pose at the moment of death. Pierced through the abdomen by a spear, Itharial was suspended prostrate, his arms cast wide and eyes staring toward the heavens. His mouth was agape, crying out a defiant challenge to both his assassins and the heavens. Above both the holy text and the Martyr, familiar Avalon words were carved on a banner framing the dean’s chair-Shirath Esquideuz Pithyas.

A polite cough brought Keryn’s attention away from the decorations and the dark-haired Avalon. Dean Brothius reclined in his tall-backed chair behind his broad, wooden desk. The dour look on his face told her all she needed to know about his mood. He was dreadfully unhappy.

“Cadet Riddell.” His soft voice carried through the room, and those two simple words made dread return twofold within her. The dean glanced briefly at Victoria, who stood beside him, before continuing. “Cadet Riddell, you’ve shown a great disregard for all the policy and regulations that I’ve enforced throughout my reign as dean of this institution. Those policies aren’t enacted to make your life more difficult. They’re in place to ensure everything runs smoothly here, and my students are protected at all times. You sent fellow cadets and one of my instructors to the infirmary. Therefore, you’re the single reason my students aren’t currently protected.”

Keryn swallowed hard and tried to speak. “Sir, I’m truly sorry for my actions….”

“Spare me your half-hearted excuses, Cadet!” He slammed his fist against the table. “I don’t want to hear rehearsed excuses and justifications for your actions. I’m not concerned about any teasing or goading that might’ve gone on from the other students. I’ve already heard it all from Magistrate Victoria.

“You might’ve been teased incessantly by the other students, Cadet Pythril included, but there’s a large leap that must occur when the situation escalates from verbal confrontation to physical violence. You chose to turn a confrontation, which you could’ve walked away from, into one that left a student hospitalized for the next few days. That behavior is unacceptable as long as I’m the dean of this Academy!”

Taking a deep breath, he smoothed back stray black hairs that fell loose to hang in front of his face. When he spoke again, his voice returned to the quiet, reserved tone he started with.

“What you’ve done is grounds for immediate expulsion.”

Keryn closed her eyes and bit her lower lip, fighting back a surge of emotion. All her hard work was disappearing in a cloud of smoke before her, because she couldn’t control her temper. The Academy got the better of her, and she used self-pity as an excuse to lash out at another student.

“However….”

Keryn’s heart pounded in her chest. She stole a glance at the dean, as she opened her eyes. Preparing for the worst, she hadn’t expected him to say anything but to pack her bags.

“For some reason I have yet to fathom, Magistrate Victoria speaks very highly of you and your potential. Against my own wishes, she has decided to become your advocate. There’s something she sees in you that’s obscured to my own vision. For that, she believes I should give you a second chance.”

Looking at Victoria, Keryn couldn’t hide her surprise. Victoria’s face remained as stoic as a block of ice, as she stared back at the nervous cadet.

“Do you deserve a second chance?” the dean asked, raising his hand to stop Keryn before she could reply. “The question was merely rhetorical, since your opinion isn’t a factor in my decision. I weighed both options closely before rendering a decision.

“On the one hand, you’ve proven that you’re dangerous. Whenever your temper gets the better of you, I fear I’ll see this same behavior. The Academy is filled with hidden stressors meant to test the flexibility and endurance of the cadets. This early in the year, you’ve already fallen victim to your baser instincts. How should I explain your actions to others if I let you stay, only to have you repeat tonight’s brutal assault?

“On the other hand, you’ve shown exceptional fighting skills, which are further proven by the confrontation tonight. You challenged and handily defeated a much-larger foe with no fear whatsoever. You slipped a strike past the defenses of a well-trained instructor. Though your behavior was reprehensible, your technique was flawless. If you could manage to translate your fighting skills on the ground into piloting skills in the air, you’d be an unstoppable force for the Alliance Fleet.”

The dean folded his hands before his face, as if lost in deep thought. When he spoke, Keryn strained to hear his words.

“You see my dilemma, Cadet Riddell. Either I knowingly keep a potentially lethal weapon in this institute, or I risk losing a cadet with boundless potential.”

He raised his head and met her gaze. “What would you have me do? What would you do, were you faced with such a decision?”

The question caught her by surprise. It took a few seconds before she realized that he genuinely wanted a response. Clearing her throat, she started to speak, only to quickly close her mouth.

She almost told him to keep her. Keryn wanted to explain all she had to offer to the Fleet, as a pilot and fighter, to ask if he understood how great a loss she would be if he let her go.

Before she could speak, however, another thought entered her mind. Keryn wasn’t sure if it was the Voice granting her insight from dozens of previous generations, or if she finally took a moment to be more objective about her case. Whatever the reason, she couldn’t shake the thought.

“Sir, if I were in your position, I’d expel me from the Academy.”

It seemed preposterous that she’d openly tell him such a thing after all she did to get to the Academy in the first place, but she couldn’t shake the feeling it was the right answer.

Dean Brothius nodded slowly. “The Salisha teaches that every person must be both humble and honest, lest they fall victim to the vices of pride and deceit. I’m proud to hear you say that you should be expelled. An honest assessment of one’s position is the first step toward changing your sinning ways.

“I believe Magistrate Victoria’s recommendation is the correct one. You won’t be expelled, Cadet Riddell.”

Keryn sighed, unaware she had been holding her breath. Shaking softly, she let nervous energy flee after being pent up for so long.

“Don’t misunderstand, Cadet. You erred greatly when you struck a fellow cadet and an instructor. As far as I’m concerned, you’re at the very bottom of your class. You’ll have to perform exceptionally well to prove your worth to me and Magistrate Victoria.”

“I understand, Sir,” she said softly.

“You’ve received the only redemption you’ll ever have while attending this institution. If you make another poor judgment call like tonight, I’ll expel you on the spot. I don’t mean you’ll be on suspension for a week or a month. If you make any mistakes in the next two years, you’ll be sent home immediately.”

Keryn nodded.

The dean turned toward Victoria. “Magistrate, please give us a moment.”

Surprised, Victoria stepped hesitantly from behind the desk and strode toward the door, glancing back several times. As the door clicked softly closed behind her, the dean gestured Keryn to take a seat.

“I wanted a second to speak to you alone, Cadet Riddell. I meant what I said when I told you that you had great potential. I see the same thing Magistrate Victoria does. You could be the top of your class if you’d only find a way to get past your anger and find your metaphorical center.”

He turned his chair, so Keryn saw his profile. Glancing to the wall behind him, he looked up at the ancient Avalon script written on the wall.

“I saw you when you entered. You took a great interest in the words written above my chair.”

“Yes, Sir. They’re the same words written on the banner held in the statue’s hand in the courtyard.”

He smiled and turned back to her. “That’s correct, Keryn. Do you mind if I call you Keryn?”