Bloody Jack: Being an Account of the Curious Adventures of Mary 'Jacky' Faber, Ship's Boy

at the end and just hung there, I thought sure you was done...' and then it's Jaimy sayin', 'I thought the life had gone out of me again...' and he's lookin' all pitiful and tears are runnin' down his face and I thinks, Whatcha cryin for, Jaimy, what... and all about me men are standin', and I put my face against Jaimy's neck and say, 'Pick me up, Jaimy...' and I'm tryin' to hold me mind together but I can't ... Pick me up, Jaimy, and carry me, carry me away from this place, Jaimy, I want to show you my camp, and what's this on me neck, 'Oh God, get it off, get it off,' and it's Liam what takes it off and I'm breathin' better for it. I feels myself picked up and... It's not far, Jaimy, it's right over there. I know you'll like it. You'll like the pool, Jaimy, and the hammock and my wonderful tree, and Davy, you'll love me swing. 'Captain, would you care for some chowder it's really quite good...'

'Please don't mind her, Sir, she's off her mind.'

Everyone come and have some, but please don't eat the turtles... and I points the way. I kiss the salty tears away from Jaimy's cheek but they keep on comin' and I rub my face on his and mix his tears and my tears together, and I say, 'Don't cry, Jaimy, it's all right now, you'll see, we'll swim in the pool together and dry off on the rocks together and lie in the hammock together and be together forever and ever and ever and...'

Chapter 44

Well, we ain't together for ever and ever. In fact, we're never together on this ship again, at least not the way we were, at least not now.

I was hardly back in my camp at all when I was taken away from Jaimy and put into the boat and they don't let Jaimy come back with me, or even Davy. Liam is on the boat, though, and they let me cling to him for the five hours it takes to get back across the open sea to the island. We pull up next to the careened Dolphin and I'm taken to sick bay, which is still set up in tents on the beach, and slimy stuff is put on my throat to heal the rope burn. I'm still talking out of my head some, so they give me a bit of the sweet liquid and that shuts me up and I'm out for a day or so. When I awake, I'm quiet in my mind, well, almost—I still have the nightmares and wake up screaming—but my neck is getting better.

None of the men or boys are allowed near me—for my own protection, I am told. There's a Marine guard at the foot of my bed. Tink is in a bed across the way, but he is forbidden to talk to me so is not much company. He is getting better, though, which is good to hear. He will soon be out of bed. The Master, Mr. Greenshaw, is stumbling around getting used to his crutch. The stump of his leg hangs down with his pant leg neatly pinned up around it, but he is philosophical about it. He will get on with his life, he announces; he will still be a sailing Master. The rest of the men wounded in the sea battle with the pirates, except for those who died before the Dolphin limped to the island, recovered. None of ours were hurt in the final battle on the beach, cept maybe me.

Mr. Lawrence comes to sit with me for a bit and he tells me that the boat is making daily runs back and forth to my beach and hauling back fine lengths of good lumber. Looks like a right sawmill back there. The wood is immediately applied to the Dolphin when it arrives here. The hammers pound constantly.

He also tells me that Jaimy has been made Midshipman. The news fills my chest with happiness and I weep for joy. I wish only that we could be together to celebrate.

The Doctor examines me, which I don't like overmuch, and declares me fit enough to be taken to the ship and tossed in the brig. For my own protection. I get out of bed to follow my Marine escort, but before leaving the tent I dash over to Tink and plants a kiss on his forehead. He blushes mightily and the guard says, ''Ere, 'ere!' sternly, but I don't care as much for their rules as once I did.

When I get to the ship I protest that as Midshipman Faber I should be allowed a midshipman's berth, but Mr. Haywood will have none of it, and he is in command when the Captain is gone, so that is that. He actually laughs when I make the request, a strange sound I'd never before heard, and he says, 'Midshipwench Faber, I'll be damned.' Some joke. The brig is not locked but the Marine stands outside, and he goes everywhere with me. I'm allowed to go topside during the day, but it's into the brig at night and the brig is locked then.

There are not many people left on the ship, as the list takes some real getting used to. Most stay on the beach and are actively engaged in either working or avoiding work. The only ones on board are the First Mate, Deacon Dunne and a few of his clerks, and a few Marines to guard the stores. And to guard me. I see the boat running back and forth carrying long planks of wood. Probably from my poor tree. I'm not getting much information on what's going on, but I do know they're keeping Jaimy over there on the mainland. I can guess why. I hope he gets to use my hammock. I like thinking of him in it.

With my red-coated escort in tow, I went down to my hidey-hole and got my dresses and other things, and I pass my days sitting on the quarterdeck sewing and playing my pennywhistie, which someone, probably Liam, found in my camp and sent over to me, and I spend my nights in reading and thought. I've given up planning, until I see which way the wind blows.

I have resolved that each morning when I wake up from now on, I will take three long breaths and think about each of them as I draw them in and let them out, and I will remember that time at the end of that rope when I could not draw such breaths. And then I will look at the blue veins in my wrists and will know that my blood is running through them, and for that I will be grateful. Amen.

The nightmares don't come every night now.

This day I get information.

During the morning I was doing my usual things and working on cracking the Marine's reserve. Actually, there're three Marines assigned to keep me from wreaking moral havoc on the crew. All three are young and good looking, quite splendid in their uniforms of scarlet and white with clay buttons and high collars and tight white breeches. They are not allowed to talk to me, but I talk to them as I sit and sew on the quarterdeck hatch and look out over the beach and try to figure out what is happening from all the fuss and scurrying about. 'And I'm sure you have a young lass awaiting you at home, don't you, Johnny? Did she cry on the dock when you marched aboard? I know she did, Johnny, you're such a fine-looking lad, I know she did, and she couldn't stop, could she? She just kept on cryin' and cryin', I know, and it fair broke your heart to hear it. Here, let me play 'My Bonnie Light Horseman' for you, Johnny, because it's about a soldier just like you. It's ever so sad and beautiful...'

He still doesn't say anything when I'm finished, but I notice the tip of his bayonet shaking a bit and he's biting his lip. Soon, Johnny, soon...

There's Davy! The boat must be back over here! I go to the rail and call out and wave, but he just keeps going. He does wave, however, and taps his fist on his tattoo and points to the guard at the foot of the gangway leading up to the ship. I guess I'll have to wait.

''Ere, 'ere, Miss Faber, you must come away from there! It's orders!'

Ah, so Johnny can talk.

I have not been put into female clothing yet, since they don't have any such thing aboard and they don't know about my two dresses, and they wouldn't let me wear the Kingston dress, anyway. I don't want them to know about my blue dress till I'm ready. Besides, I'm not likely to drive any of the men aboard mad with desire, so I'm told to just wear my ship's boy uniform in a modest manner and be good and don't flounce around.

What I do is get my Marine to take me to ship's store and I get a midshipman's black neckerchief, which I put right on. With my white shirt it looks quite dashing. I can't do anything about the rest of a middies uniform, the black pants and black jacket, but they'll get the idea. I get a sea chest, too, and my first hairbrush. Deacon Dunne charges the items against my name and promises to come see me later in the day to continue my spiritual instruction. Praise be.

Johnny gallantly carries my sea chest back to the brig, and I put my things in it, which is satisfying. I resolve to get a carving tool and engrave the chest with my name.

The Deacon is as good as his word. Just after noon we sit at the table in the gun room and he assigns me more Bible verses, which I dutifully read and then try to explain, and then he assigns me more to read at night and