‘No,’ said Bernard, bending upon her his benign, shortsighted gaze. ‘There
‘So I eat this infected rabbit, this mix-whatever-it-is!’ shrieked Rebekah. ‘I do not choose to obtain my diseases from rabbits!’
‘Of course not,’ said Bernardo, in dangerously quiet tones. ‘You obtain your diseases from over-eating and over-drinking, my dear. Now you jolly well eat boiled beef, hashed turkey, and roast mutton, and don’t be silly.’
The dinner ended with Parson Woodforde’s dessert of olives, almonds, raisins and apples. Of these Rebekah partook happily and rose, with the rest, to toast the newly-engaged couple. Her only comment was to the effect that her late husband would not have approved of mixed marriages and that King David’s peccadillo was entirely owing to Bathsheba. ‘Her fault, washing herself in public, so would nobody nice,’ said Rebekah, with authority.
‘Yes, Uriah
‘In subjection! In subjection!’ shrieked Rebekah. ‘The Jews are always in subjection!’
‘He
Few, perhaps, except Dame Beatrice, realised the depths of affection and family pride which obtained between the two contestants. Rebekah glared at her critic and Bernardo peeled an apple with an air of complete detachment. He put two pieces on Rebekah’s plate, grinned at her and then, taking up one of the pieces, he bit into it and offered her the rest.
‘So you give me best, and so you should,’ she shouted. ‘You are Adam and Eve, isn’t it?’
‘Scholars seem doubtful whether the fruit of the Garden of Eden
‘Those seeds? So shall cause appendicitis, isn’t it?’ screamed his relative. ‘Did Adam have appendicitis?’
‘Well, he did lose a rib. I wonder whether that made any difference?’
‘So not nice! You are not nice!’ shrieked Rebekah. ‘Now we shall change the subject. I look around this room, and what am I seeing?’
‘An ass-head of your own,’ muttered Bernardo. Rebekah took no notice.
‘I see upon the wall,’ she announced, ‘picture from English artist Romney, representing previous owner of this house. Is inferior copy. I offer twenty pounds.’
‘You stick to diamonds,’ retorted Bernardo. ‘You think you understand pictures? Gorblimey! Besides, that picture has been promised to me for a wedding present.’
‘I like you to have my twenty pounds. You are not forgetting the diamond ram you promised me?’
‘I promised you nothing!’
‘For my birthday, yes, you did!’
‘I’ll buy the ram if you’ll buy the thicket.’
Rebekah looked at him suspiciously. Then she said, ‘I am like King Saul. I also am among the prophets. You and I shall be finding ourselves among the thicket and it will be a long time before we are getting out of it. Put that in your pipe, silly boy!’
‘Don’t smoke a pipe,’ said Bernardo.
CHAPTER SIX
Aftermath of a Dinner Party
‘The ample heaven of fabrick sure
In cleanness does surpass
The crystal and the silver pure,
Or clearest polished glass.’
« ^ »
Breakfast at nine, madam,’ said the maid who brought Dame Beatrice’s early pot of tea, ‘unless perhaps you’d care to have it in bed.’
‘No, no, thank you, Parks,’ replied Dame Beatrice. ‘I suppose most of the family breakfast downstairs?’
‘All of them, madam, except for some of the ladies.’
Dame Beatrice noticed that Florian was again seated next to his despised aunt Opal, although there were vacant chairs. Her host invited her to sit next to him at the breakfast table and, after some desultory remarks about the weather and the crops, he said, with obvious earnestness,
‘You accepted to stay for the night, but it would give us all great pleasure if you felt you could stay longer. I know you are famous and therefore busy, much occupied with your patients and your friends, but if you could spare us even
