Dance to Your Daddy

'Excellent. How do I find the drawing-room, where I believe I am to have tea?'

'Down the stairs, through the hall, turn left into the doinen room and left again through the arch.'

In the drawing-room Dame Beatrice found a young woman of striking appearance, black-haired, red- cheeked and bold-eyed, in charge of two tea-pots. Of her elderly host there was no sign. The young woman gave her a brilliant smile and said, 'Hullo! In case you think I'm Trilby, well, I'm not. Do you prefer Ceylon or Indian tea?'

'Ceylon, thank you,' said Dame Beatrice, seating herself. 'I have to confess that, except as the title of a book which I have not read for many years, the name Trilby means nothing to me.'

'Uncle Romilly's wife. Isn't that the girl you've come to see?'

'I believe it is, but I was not told her Christian name.'

'Christian indeed!-Bread and butter or a toasted tea-cake?-A limb of Satan, if you ask me! The dance she's led poor Uncle Romilly these last few months!'

'Suitably so, perhaps, in a house named Galliard Hall.'

'It isn't any joke, believe you me! Poor Uncle Romilly is nearly off his head with worry. There's no piece of wickedness that Trilby can't think up when she's in the mood.'

'I understand that she has a habit of drowning things.'

'That's the least part of it. I suppose I shouldn't say such a thing, but the pity is that she hasn't, so far, poor idiot, drowned herself. And now she's invited all these mixed relations to the house, and, of course, as they are relations, Uncle Romilly can't exactly say he doesn't want them.'

'I wonder what you mean by 'mixed' relations?'

'Oh, well, some are hers, you see, and some are his, and I can't think what will happen when they all get together.'

'May I ask why you say that?'

'Well, it would seem about as sensible to put the Montagues and the Capulets together in one house as the Lestrange family and the Provosts.'

'I seem to remember that the Montagues and Capulets were reconciled by virtue of the deaths of Romeo and Juliet.'

The young woman gave her a very sharp glance and continued:

'I wanted Uncle Romilly to let them know what is happening, and plan to have them at different times, but Trilby wants them all to come together, and, since she's been so difficult, Uncle Romilly gives in to her over everything. Well, if I'm not very much mistaken, this time there'll be murder done. They'll be at one another's throats from the word Go.'

'You do not, of course, speak literally, when you talk of murder being done?'

'Oh, don't I, just! You don't know them as well as I do.'

'I have relatives (of a sort) called Marshall-Provost, but the name Provost, of itself, is strange to me. However, as you probably know, I am a Lestrange myself by my first marriage.'

'Are you? Uncle Romilly didn't tell me that. He said your name was Bradley, but, if you are connected with the Lestrange family, I expect you know some of those who are coming. There are Hubert-he's a parson- Willoughby-he's a private secretary, I believe-the twins Corin and Corinna...'

'My late husband, of course, has been dead for many years, and these people would be of a younger generation. I doubt whether I have met any of them.'

'You might know Corin and Corinna. They changed their names when they became pop singers, I believe. As for the Provosts, well, there are Giles and Tancred-he's a poet-and, lastly, Humphrey and a girl named Binnie, Humphrey's wife, so she's only a Provost by marriage. I don't know what her maiden name was.'

'At all events, if it comes to a battle, the sides would appear to be well-matched,' suggested Dame Beatrice lightly.

'There is no 'if' about it. It will come to a battle, if the Provosts run true to form. As it will also come to a matter of no holds barred, I'm not clear where to place my bets. Tancred, as you'd expect, is a minor poet-very minor-one slim volume published at his own expense-but he can be a menace, from what Uncle Romilly tells me. I don't know much about Giles, except that he's keen on horses. Humphrey is a master at a third-rate private day-school and Binnie is the original dumb blonde. Quite a nice child, if you don't worry about her having a vacuum where her brain ought to be, but completely moronic, poor dear. The Lestrange twins-you know, those I told you are in show business-take off her and Humphrey in their act. It's terribly funny-not that Humphrey cares much about it, of course. He hates Tancred, too.'

'All you tell me is most interesting. You refer to Romilly Lestrange as your uncle. Are you a Montague or a Capulet?'

'Oh, I've no connection with either the Lestranges or the Provosts. My name is Judith Dean, and I'm Romilly's housekeeper. He likes me to call him my uncle, but, between ourselves, my sugar-daddy would be more like it. After all, Trilby, in her present state, is hardly a wife, so Romilly brought me along to sort of fill the bill. You're not shocked, I hope?'

'Irregular unions are solely the business of the parties concerned, and are now too numerous to be interesting,' said Dame Beatrice. 'When am I to see Mrs. Romilly Lestrange, I wonder? You know, I gather, that she is to be my patient.'

'I shouldn't worry about being in a hurry to see her, if I were you. You'll have had a bucketful by the time you've finished with her,' said the black-haired siren coarsely. 'We've given you Romilly's old room; I hope you like it. Of course, he only rents the house, you know. I don't know how long he'll stay.'