Grimaldi, blindfolded with a big yellow handkerchief.
Before him moved a little group of guests who were enjoying themselves provoking him, keeping very close but never allowing themselves to get caught. The ladies caressed him with fans, the men tickled his belly with a little finger, then were gone in a trice, some under the sheltering foliage of loquat or marine cherry bushes, some taking refuge under the friendly fronds of a young example of those strange trees, the palms, which were for the first time planted by Pope Pius IV in the garden before the Villa Pia and had since made such an impression that their exotic mops were now to be found throughout the Holy City. Grimaldi bounded forward, sure of surprising the nearest player, the Cardinal Vicar Gaspare Carpegna. Instead, he collided with the trunk of the palm tree, causing great mirth in all the group.
The Cardinal Vicar, who had escaped the assault by a hair's breadth, leaned contentedly against a wall, when from this came a spray of water which caught him straight in the face, soaking his collar and his purple cape. An even heartier burst of general laughter followed.
In order to make the games richer in surprises, Cardinal Spada had arranged that little water devices were to be scattered throughout the property, which would be activated by the unwitting passer-by, unleashing sprays, spouts, buckets and downpours for the joy of gay, fun-loving souls. The wall on which Carpegna had leaned, inadvertently pressing on a lever, was in reality a wooden panel leaning against a tree and covered with bricks, behind which was concealed a hydraulic machine equipped with a spout aimed at the activator.
'Cardinal Carpegna was hoping to get away, and instead… he got a wetting, ha ha!' commented Cardinal Negroni who, however, promptly tripped over a vertical cord which tipped a bucket of water on an overhead branch onto his head, giving him abundant copious cold shower.
More laughter followed and I took advantage of the diversion to move a little further away. I was on the point of giving up my bold project of espionage and returning to the great house when I recognised the two monsignori whom I sought, as they distractedly observed that jovial pastime. As I expected, they did not notice me, absorbed as they still were in their discussions.
'The catchpolls protect fugitives and persons who have been served summons,' said the first, as they slowly strolled towards the fishpond under the fountain, 'yet they imprison people with a mere civil debt for insolvency. And what is one to say of those convicted in absentia who are arrested and arrive in prison half dead? All the doctrinal texts make it quite clear that torture is licit, but at the end of proceedings, not the beginning.'
'And how about illegal arrests? No one says anything about these but they are exceedingly frequent. People are arrested in the middle of the night, interrogated, maltreated and thrown into the cells for no good reason. I tell you roundly that, as long as all this remains unchanged, pilgrims and foreigners are bound to leave Rome scandalised, ascribing the crimes of the sergeants to the persons who worthily preside over public administration.'
'The Pope, the Secretary of State, the Governor…' added the other, stopping by the feet of the Triton to admire the water-lilies, the marsh marigold with its yellow double flowers and the whitepetalled trefoil, all limply abandoned on the surface of the waters.
'Of course, and they will spread the word everywhere in foreign countries, to the great dishonour and discredit of the Holy Apostolic See.'
Prolonged and forced immobility behind a mere box hedge, although thick and as high as a young boy, was both risky and uncomfortable. The danger of being found out by some player of blind man's buff entering the walk where I was eavesdropping gave me cold sweats. Such was the tension in my legs, what with my concern not to make the slightest sound on the gravel, that my calf muscles were close to cramp.
Suddenly, my heart stopped: the hedge was no longer there. Or rather, it had shifted. It had gradually moved out of alignment and it was now extending to my left, leaving me without cover. By pure luck, the two monsignors were facing away from me, and so did not see me. I felt as desperate and defenceless as a pig at the gates of a slaughterhouse. Leaping, I took refuge in the shade of a jasmine espalier. I saw the two monsignors break off and look in my direction with an amazed expression on their faces; I prayed to the Lord and lowered my head.
I raised my eyes. They were not looking at me but at the hedge which, to their astonishment, was trotting off in the direction of Cardinal Nerli, an individual who was, as I have had cause to mention, disliked by many. We followed the scene from a distance. Nerli was blindfolded and following a lady.
Then it happened. From the upper half of the promenading bush came an iron tube which sprinkled Nerli with a light jet of water, eliciting from him a cry of alarm. Then the ball of leaves and bushes ran off, trotting out of the wood. All the company was convulsed with hilarity. The Cardinal tore the blindfold from his eyes.
'What a splendid joke, Eminence, do you not think?' cried a number of members of the Sacred College, running up to congratulate Nerli, who was as white as a sheet. Judging by their laughter, they had taken a malicious pleasure in the game.
'Ah yes, really a delightful trick,' commented one of the ladies present, 'and how elegant that little squirt was, so well done!'
The Cardinal, scarlet with embarrassment and irritation, did not seem to share this view.
'Eminence, do not be a spoil-sport,' said one of the damsels present. 'Put back your blindfold at once, for the game must go
Lost in all that great verdant sea and in the smile of the lady who was speaking to him, Cardinal Nerli's eye and mind willingly resigned themselves to sweet shipwreck. The magnificence of the gardens softened his soul, its perfumes loosened his heart and lightened his head. The prelate allowed himself to be gently blindfolded and the game resumed without a care.
The two monsignori commented on the innocent pastimes of the other guests with mute disapprobation. I in the meantime made sure that the espalier of jasmine which I was hiding behind was not also equipped with a tenant and legs. Soon, however, the pair resumed their promenade in order to get away from the noise of the players. For a while, they walked in silence. They went through immense pergolas, mounted on cross-beams and pilasters, so that those passing underneath saw almost a brand new sky, viewed through green-tinted lenses. For brief instants, their eyes caught sight of nearby peach trees, artichoke plants, pear trees, rows of lemon trees, orange groves, cypresses and holm-oaks which played hide-and-seek with the visitor's eyes since, as Leon Battista Alberti puts it, without mystery there can be no beauty. Dodging behind lemon trees and box hedges, I did not let them out of my sight or hearing.
'But let us get back to our subject,' resumed the second of the pair, emboldened after listening to his companion's arguments. 'What you tell me is true, and you are quite right. I shall even go further: because of the catchpolls' abuses, or simply their incompetence, the courts of law and the protocols of the civil notaries are full of cases that have had to be dismissed. When they do on occasion catch someone who deserves to end up behind bars, they ill-treat him so brutally, neglecting to collect evidence correctly, that the defence lawyers manage to get the proceedings suspended or even halted. Nevertheless, I do not hold out any high hopes for this reform. You know better than I that there is no point in trying to reason with these catchpolls.'
'Of course there's no point in reasoning with them; but by now, we are no longer talking of catchpolls but of common thieves paid by the Apostolic Chamber! Every one of them is wretchedly poor before enrolling. The wages they receive are not enough to live on; a corporal receives six scudi, a catchpoll, four and a half. Now, let us suppose that with some honest work the corporal can earn another three scudi and the catchpoll another two.'
'Very well, let us suppose that for the sake of argument.'
'How do you explain, then, that if you enter their homes you will find it filled with luxury furniture? Their wives rival great ladies in their apparel and jewellery. And if they have no wife, you will find them surrounded by a brace of harlots, to which you may add gambling, drinking, gluttony and all manner of vices: not even forty scudi a month could pay for all that. It is quite plain that all that money can only come from robbery, do you not think so?'
'Of course I think so and I second your every word.'
Meanwhile, we could hear the distant cries of the ladies, calling for an end to the game and inviting everyone to come and picnic, and rest, before dinner. The pair went through the gate to the secret garden, in search of quiet. I waited for them to move a little further in, among the elms and Capocotta poplars, and then I too entered, concealing myself to one side, behind a row of zibibbo vines.
'And so, this reform project?' asked the same one as before.
'It is simple and sensible. First, by means of a special bull, abolish all the functions of the Bargello, of every tribunal, both in Rome and in the country. Dismiss lieutenants, corporals, ranks of standard bearers and clerks and the like, all of which offices are usually also conferred on the sergeants.'
