reassured of my attractiveness, pretending to dismay or annoyance, putting them from me, dismissing them. Then, of course, I was not in a slave collar. It is my suspicion that the free women of my former world and those of Gor, forgive me, Mistresses, are much the same. Do you not enjoy such games? And are you not, as much as we, prepared upon occasion to put your beauty to use, to barter it for position and wealth? For example, it is my supposition that, in the markets, and on the boulevards, and elsewhere, handsome slavers, perhaps disguised in the robes of rich Merchants, do not encounter with you in fact the difficulties which one might expect them to encounter in theory. Forgive me, Mistresses.
“Excellent,” said Trachinos.
He then, with his fellow, left the tavern. We followed them shortly, and the lamp was extinguished behind us, and the large double doors were closed and barred.
“I feel safer now,” said Astrinax.
“Do you?” asked Lykos.
“It would be better, of course,” said Astrinax, “if we could have had two or three more.”
“I do not trust Trachinos,” said Lykos.
“To be perfectly frank, my dear Lykos,” said Astrinax, “I do not trust you, either.”
“Oh?” smiled Lykos.
“No,” said Astrinax. “What do I know of you?”
“Probably little more than I of you,” said Lykos.
“It is hard to get men to go into the Voltai,” said Astrinax.
“It is perhaps the season,” said Lykos.
“No,” said Astrinax, “it is the Voltai.”
We had left Venna four days ago.
With the wagons were three slaves, Jane, Eve, and Allison, the latter not permitted to speak, not even to request permission to speak. One free woman was with the wagons, the Lady Bina. There were five free men with the wagons, Astrinax, who was much as our caravan master; Desmond, thought to be a Metal Worker, in whose care I was; Lykos, whom I supposed a mercenary; fierce, bearded Trachinos, clearly skilled with the gladius, at whose background I could scarcely guess; and his fellow, thin, reticent Akesinos, who spoke little, but watched much. And somewhere there were perhaps two beasts, though, as far as I could tell, they were not now with the wagons.
It was now near the Tenth Ahn.
The wagons were stopped.
“It is the six hundredth pasang stone,” said Astrinax, indicating a marker, across the road from one of the arched pylons supporting the aqueduct. “It is here we must wait, for a guide.” I had been interested to learn that pasang stones are found on many Gorean roads; commonly they contain a number, and an indication of a direction and destination. For example, on the Vennan road, as it is called in Ar, a stone is erected midway between Ar and Venna, lists a number, and points in two directions. Closer to Ar, the number lists the pasangs to Ar, with an indication of the direction of Ar. Closer to Venna, the number lists the pasangs to Venna, with an indication of the direction of Venna. To be sure, there are many varieties of pasang stones, and some list only the distance to a given point, as though the road had but one destination. Many roads, particularly small ones, lack pasang stones altogether. Either they are too short or too unimportant, or, perhaps, it is supposed the stones are unnecessary, given the supposed familiarity of the terrain to any who might be in the vicinity. Here, beside the Vennan aqueduct, the stones contained only a number, and no further indications. This was because here the pasang stones measured the length of the aqueduct from Ar, and the pasang stones were largely a convenience to the caste of Builders, concerned with the care of the aqueduct.
I did not know how Astrinax knew we were to stop here, or that a guide would appear.
I did know he commonly held the late watch when we camped.
Having shared the domicile of the Lady Bina and Lord Grendel in Ar, I probably had a better sense of the purport of this journey than the free men with the party. Surely it had to do with returning the blind Kur to his fellows. Whether it had a purpose beyond that I did not know. I did know that there had occasionally been conversations between the Lady Bina and the blind Kur, through the intermediation of the translator, when Lord Grendel had been absent. At such times I would be dispatched on one errand or another. The Lady Bina, as I indicated earlier, had a great respect for, and admiration of, what she regarded as true Kurii, in which category she placed the blind Kur, and from which category she excluded Lord Grendel. This went back, apparently, to a remote, metal world. Accordingly she endorsed the scheme of Lord Grendel’s assisting the blind Kur to regain his haunts in the mountains. On the other hand, she, herself, was reluctant to exchange the delights and comforts of Ar for the hardships of some distant, possibly hazardous journey far from civilization. She had little sense of the risks to which she might be exposed as a defenseless woman in Ar, a barbarian lacking a Home Stone. Lord Grendel, however, had informed her, despite his usual complaisance, that she would accompany him, if necessary, in chains. “I see,” she had said, annoyed. I was intrigued by the thought of the Lady Bina in chains. I sometimes thought she did not understand the extent to which she was actually in the power of Lord Grendel. If she felt his chains on her pretty limbs it would doubtless be clearer to her. I thought she would look lovely in chains. But then does not any woman? In any event, she later withdrew her objections to the journey, and, indeed, soon seemed eager to be on her way. This change in disposition followed, I think, the aforementioned conversations with her large, savage house guest, the blind Kur. She it was who contacted Astrinax, possibly through the eating house of Menon, with which establishment she was familiar, and engaged him to assist in the venture, buying tharlarion and wagons, putting in supplies, and such.
Lykos was standing on the wagon bench of the first wagon, with a Builder’s glass, scanning the horizon.
“What do you see?” asked Astrinax.
“Nothing,” said Lykos, closing the glass.
“How long must we wait here?” asked Desmond.
“I do not know,” said Astrinax.
“But you do know we must wait?” said Desmond.
“Yes,” said Astrinax.
Jane, Eve, and I, the wagons halted, had come forward.
When Master Desmond turned about, I knelt near him, that I might be before him. This required courage, more courage each day. I shook with fear. I knew that I had been found displeasing. I did not wish to be intrusive, and be punished. Too, I had the natural temerity of the slave before the free person. If a slave lacks this temerity, it is something she soon learns. A slave may desire her master, long for him, want more than anything to surrender herself wholly and unquestioningly to him, ache for him with all the flames of love, yearn to submit herself to him as no more than a negligible, meaningless, helpless, loving beast, be willing to die for him, but, too, she may well fear him, for the whip is his, and he is master.
But I was desperate.
Please, oh, Master, I thought, be kind. See Allison! She is here, before you. See her!
I looked up at him.
I could hardly catch my breath before him. Had I been able to speak, I would scarcely have been able to form words. Surely I would have stammered. I fear my lip trembled.
How different he was from the men of Earth!
How helpless, and slave, I was, on my knees before him.
I wanted him to pay me attention. I wanted him to find me acceptable once more, as he had before, as the animal I was, a slave, but perhaps one of some interest. Please, oh, Master, I thought, let me speak, let me speak! I have so much I want to say, so much I want to tell you, so much for which to beg forgiveness! Yes, I so wanted to be permitted to speak, and yet, now, some days since my sentencing, I feared even to beg mutely for the restoration of that coveted privilege, lest even that might displease him. It would be done, the sentence’s rescinding, if at all, at his wish, not mine. But as much as I wished to be allowed to speak, and as much as that deprivation cost me in helplessness and misery, what hurt me most was his neglect, his ignoring of me. I think I would have rejoiced had I been cuffed or kicked, or tied to a ring and beaten, for then, at least, I would have known myself as a reality, however negligible and contemptible, in his world. Even a girl in a collar wants to be seen, to be recognized, and noticed, even be it to no greater extent than being mocked, humiliated, and scorned.
