Almost Perfect

in pain to find him frozen above her, his weight braced on straight arm.

Horror filled his eyes. 'Oh my God. Maddy.' He came down over her, cradling her. 'I'm sorry. I'm sorry.' He rained kisses over her face and tried to ease his body from hers.

'No, don't!' She clamped her legs about him, pulling him back. 'Don't leave me.'

'Okay, I won't move. Am I still hurting you?'

'Don't leave me.' She lifted her hips, forcing him deeper, biting her lip against the increase in pain.

'Maddy, baby, hold still. I'm hurting you.'

'I don't care.' The physical pain began to ebb, while the pain in her heart grew. 'Don't leave me.' She kissed his jaw as her hips continued to move, back and forth. Slowly she warmed and softened around him. 'Please.'

'Maddy, you have to stop.'

She felt his whole body strain with his effort to hold still against her. He straightened his*arms again, gathering his strength and will to pull out of her.

'Stay.' She looked up at his taut face, into his dark eyes as she lifted her hips into him, held him fully and deeply inside her.

'Maddy, I can't-' With a curse, he turned his head, his jaw clenched.

Stay with me. Love me. On one slow glide, she let her hips fall, slowly, slowly, till he almost slid from her body, then she lifted again. When she held him fully once more, squeezing tightly around him, his head fell back.

'Oh God.' His restraint broke. He moved in her, with her, his whole body working like one big wave, riding toward fulfillment, release. Lowering over her, he held her, comforting her even as he pounded harder into her. She tightened her arms about him and welcomed every jarring thrust, needing him so much, tears came back to her eyes.

'I'm sorry,' he whispered, kissing the tears away as his body gathered, focused, drove him toward its own selfish goal. Some small, functioning part of his brain knew her own release was a long way off, but his body didn't care.

The climax hit him with such a vicious punch that his body jerked from the force of it, then trembled as the pleasure kept on and on. When the storm ended, he collapsed against her, fearing his heart would thunder out of his chest.

His mind cleared by degrees, became aware of her arms wrapped tightly about him, her tear-stained face buried against his shoulder.

Mortified, he realized he was still hard from the adrenaline pumping through his body. Not as hard as before, but enough to cause her discomfort if she was raw. How could he have done this? Even though she'd encouraged him, there was no excuse for continuing once he realized she wasn't aroused.

Hating himself, he eased from her, wincing when she winced. He shifted to lie beside her, brushed the hair back from her face. Looking at her, meeting her eyes, was one of the hardest things he'd ever done. Her eyes were red from crying, filled with pain, but no accusation. 'How badly did I hurt you?'

'You didn't really. Not the way you mean.' She blinked against a fresh rise of tears. 'Will you hold me?'

He felt as if a giant fist reached inside his chest and squeezed around his heart. 'Of course.'

She snuggled against his chest, burrowing into him as his arms went around her. Reaching past her, he gathered the bedspread and covered her, tucking it between their bodies. He rubbed her arms, struggling with what to say. Before he could decide, her breathing evened out and she fell asleep.

He lay a long time, holding her, listening to her shallow breaths, still aching with anger and confu-sipn. Even in this, this mindless eruption of angry sex, she'd put herself aside for him. He wanted to shake her and comfort her and never hurt her again.

Most of all, he wanted to understand her. Which, of course, he never would.

Could he live with that, though? Live with a woman who had the power to rip out his guts with-out even realizing what she was doing? She would never intentionally hurt anyone, but God in heaven, she'd hurt him. She'd goddamn eviscerated him. And he wasn't sure she even got that.

He shifted to see her face, relaxed now in sleep but still ravaged by her tears. What am I going to do with you, Maddy?

Long minutes later, he rose, righted his clothes, and moved quietly toward the door.

'Joe?' She stirred behind him. 'Don't go.'

'Maddy-' He couldn't even turn to face her. 'I can't talk right now. Go to Taos without me. We'll talk when you get back.'

The following morning, Joe stood at the kitchen sink, his mind still numb with confusion. Renewed pain stabbed him when he looked out the window just as Maddy drove by. She glanced over long enough for their gazes to meet, and then the car carried her on, down the hill toward the gate.

A part of him was still so angry he wanted to throw his coffee mug into the sink and shatter it into a million pieces, while another part wanted to break down and cry as openly as she had.

Out of nowhere, the image of the Colonel sprang to mind, adding a ripping sense of grief to the pain already inside him. 'I wish you were here, Dad. So you could tell me what to do.'

Chapter 21

Truth hurts even when it sets you free.

– How to Have a Perfect Life

Maddy huddled in one of the big wooden chairs on the front porch of the resort's central lodge. Even though she wore the largest pair of sunglasses she owned, the light stabbed at her sensitive eyes. If only Christine and Amy would arrive, she could go to the suite they'd be sharing, close all the drapes, and hide out from the other guests until she got her emotions under control.

When she'd arrived an hour ago, she'd managed to put on a happy face long enough to get checked in, greet her hosts, and meet a few guests. The puffy eyes had been easily dismissed as allergies. She doubted that excuse would hold up if she joined the party going on in the bar and suddenly burst into tears for no apparent reason.

Sitting outside to 'enjoy the mountain view' was a much safer bet.

Finally, she saw an SUV turn into the resort's long, twisting driveway. She tracked its progress past the horse stables, over the wooden bridge, then as it climbed past a scattering of guest lodges.

Rental vehicles had been arriving at a fairly steady pace, but she clung to the hope that this one would be carrying her friends.

It made the final turn into the long, narrow parking lot. After it slipped into an empty space, a tall blonde stepped out of the driver's side.

'Christine!' Maddy called, springing to her feet.

The woman turned, shading her eyes. A familiar smile broke over her face, the most welcome sight in the world.

'Maddy!' Christine waved as Maddy hurried off the porch and barreled toward her friends.

Amy emerged next, and Maddy soon found herself engulfed in a group hug. The comfort of it stirred all the emotions that had been too near the surface for the past twenty-four hours.

'I've missed you both so much. I'm so glad you made it!'

'Us, too,' Christine said. 'Although it was touch and go at the very last minute.'

'What happened?' Maddy looked instinctively to Amy and noticed the lack of glasses. 'Did you get contacts?'

'I did.' She beamed, her green eyes sparkling. Her jumper also hung looser than normal.

'Hey, you look great!' Maddy stepped back for a better look.

Amy struck a diva pose. 'Just forty more pounds to go.'

'So what was the holdup?'

'Grandmother.' Amy rolled her eyes, speaking volumes with that single word. 'It's okay, though. Christine