The Storm

SECOND. That's the Lithuanian invasion. A battle, d'ye see? Our men fighting with the men of Lithuania.

FIRST.

Who were these Lithuanians?

SECOND.

Can't say. Lithuanians, to be sure.

FIRST.

But they do say, you know, they fell down on us from heaven.

SECOND.

I can't tell about that, I daresay they did.

A WOMAN. What ignorance! Why, everyone knows the Lithuanians fell from heaven. Well to be sure! and it was in memory of the battle with them that these mounds were made.

FIRST.

There, old fellow! That's so, you see!

[Enter Dikoy and Kuligin, his head bare. All the bystanders bow and assume a respectful air on seeing Dikoy.

SCENE II

The Same, DIKOY and KULIGIN.

DIKOY. Ugh, I'm wet through. (To Kuligin) Get away from me! Let me alone! (Angrily) Fool of a man!

KULIGIN. Saviol Prokofitch, it would be conferring a benefit, your worship, on all the residents in the town.

DIKOY.

Go along! A mighty benefit! Who wants such a benefit?

KULIGIN. And on you, indeed, your worship, Saviol Prokofitch. To be set up, for instance, on the parade in the open space. And as for expense,—the expense would be trifling: a stone column (indicates the size of each thing by gestures), a copper disc, round like this, and a pivot, an upright pivot (shows, gesticulating) of the simplest description. I will put it all up and carve the figures on the face myself too. And, your worship, when you are pleased to take a walk, or any other people are out walking, you will go up to it, and see at once what o'clock it is. As it is, it's a fine position and a fine view and all, but, as it were, it wants something. And we have visitors too, your worship, who come here to see our views, and it will always be an ornament,—a pleasant object for the eye to rest on.

DIKOY. But why on earth do you come pestering me with every sort of idiocy? It's possible, don't you see, that I don't want to talk to you. You ought first to ascertain whether I am disposed to listen to you or not, you dolt. What am I to you? … am I your equal, eh? Damn the fellow! A mighty clever idea he's hit upon! And then up he must come and straightway start holding forth upon it.

KULIGIN. If I were about my own business, I should be to blame certainly. But I am speaking in the public interest, your worship. And it's no great matter spending about a pound on a public object! More than that would not be needed, sir.

DIKOY.

I daresay you'd like to pocket the money; who knows anything of you?

KULIGIN. Seeing that I want to give my services for nothing, your worship, how could I pocket anything? And everyone knows me here; no one can say any harm of me.

DIKOY.

They may know you, for all I care, but I don't want to know you.

KULIGIN.

Why insult an honest man, sir?

DIKOY. Am I to account to you for what I say or do? Let me tell you I allow no one to criticise my actions— no, not folks of far more consequence than you. I shall think of you as I choose to think of you. Others may say you're an honest man, but I look upon you as a brigand, and that's all about it. You seem anxious to hear my opinion, so here it is! I say you're a brigand, and nothing else! Do you want to have the law of me, hey? Very well then, let me tell you you're a worm. If I choose, I spare you; if I choose, I can trample you under foot!

KULIGIN. So be it, Saviol Prokofitch! I am only a poor man, sir, it costs little to be rude to me. But let me remind you, your honour, virtue is honourable even in rags!

DIKOY.

None of your insolence now! Mind that!

KULIGIN. I am not being insolent to you in any way, sir, and I merely addressed you because I thought you might have a mind to do something for the town sometime. You have a great deal of power, your worship, if only you had the wish to do some good. Now, for instance, we've storms so often, and yet we don't put up lightning conductors.

DIKOY (haughtily).

It's all vanity!

KULIGIN.

How can it be vanity when experiments have been made.

DIKOY.

What sort of lightning conductors are you talking about?

KULIGIN.

Steel ones.