The Society

using a laparoscope in order to be as convinced as possible that there was no cancer outside the head of the pancreas. Evidence that the disease had spread to local organs or the inner wall of the abdomen would mean that it was essentially incurable and would strongly if not absolutely mitigate against a procedure as extensive as this one.

After forty minutes of review and actually performing the operation in his mind, Will felt energized and ready. He called the twins to wish them a good day and to review the plans for the rest of their weekend together. Then he made rounds on his three hospitalized patients and finally headed up to the OR suite in the east wing of the second floor.

Thanks to a huge gift from a grateful family’s trust, the surgeons’ dressing room, like the ORs, was state-of- the-art-plushly carpeted with three private showers and a steam room. Following a routine from which he seldom if ever varied, Will left his wallet and watch on the shelf of his locker, laced up his red Converse Chuck Taylors left foot first, pulled disposable shoe covers over them right foot first, tied on a hair cover, then a mask, and finally slipped on the glasses and magnifying loupes he only used in the OR. Next, for five minutes he sat, eyes closed, breathing deeply and slowly, making no real attempt at clearing extraneous thoughts from his mind, but willing himself to relax and thanking God for the opportunity and skill to be a surgeon. By the time he was ready to enter the scrub room, he was experiencing a most pleasant calmness and euphoria. They were sensations he had come to expect, although this one was even more intense than what he was accustomed to.

Kurt Goshtigian was just being wheeled up to the OR when Will entered the scrub room. Gordo, already scrubbed and gowned, was on the other side of the glass OR door, along with a surgical resident who would do the prep and drape on Goshtigian’s abdomen. Will hurried past the scrub sinks and out of the narrow room and caught up with his patient’s stretcher, actually bumping into it, just as it reached the OR. Goshtigian was a solid, weathered fifty-four-year-old with tattoos on his muscular forearms and over his deltoids. His coarse black hair was graying, and his silver stubble suggested he hadn’t shaved for a couple of days. Will pulled his mask down and apologized to the man for bashing into him.

“I’m pretty sure I’ve never done that before,” he said, wondering if maybe he shouldn’t have broken his routine by rushing out of the scrub room.

Goshtigian, dry-mouthed and groggy from the pre-op meds, smiled up weakly and patted Will on the arm.

“You’re just excited about getting to muck around with my innards,” he said.

“We’re going to get that cancer out of you, Kurt, and you’re going to be as good as goo.”

“You mean new.”

“Pardon?”

“You said goo when you mean new.”

Will had no idea what the man was talking about. Probably the pre-op meds, he decided.

“Yes,” he said. “Well, if you’re ready, I’m going to go scrub in. My partner Dr. Cameron is there in waiting for you. I’ll be in soon.”

Will replaced his mask and headed back into the scrub area. The wonderfully pleasant sense of well-being and connection to his world had, if anything, grown more intense. He was halfway through a four-minute scrub when he realized that he had broken his routine again, this time by taking the hexachlorophene-impregnated brush to his right arm and hand before his left. Strange. No big deal, but strange just the same. When he backed out through the scrub-room door and then into the OR, Kurt Goshtigian’s abdomen was already washed, shaved, prepped with an antiinfective, and covered with sterile drapes. Carrie Patel, the best anesthesiologist on the staff, was in the process of putting him to sleep. With a nurse’s help, Will slipped into a gown, had it tied behind him, then drove his hands one at a time into latex gloves, taking pains to do the left hand first. As usual, Gordo was talking almost nonstop.

“So, lad, are ye all boned up on the Whipple? The man’s first name was Allen, you know. Allen Whipple. Now, there’s a piece of trivia for you. . ”

Beneath his mask, Will smiled at his partner, even though he realized he wasn’t picking up everything Gordo was rambling on about. It was always good to work with him in the OR. For one thing, he was skilled and quick as a surgeon and intuitive as an assistant, and for another, his demeanor kept the team loose and upbeat, even through the most grueling cases.

The initial laparoscopic evaluation went smoothly and showed what Will had prayed it would-no evidence for spread of cancer into the organs adjacent to the pancreas. Throughout the procedure, though, Will sensed a very mild fuzziness to his thinking, and he also noticed that, on and off, especially with fine movements, his hands shook ever so slightly. Low blood sugar? he wondered. He had eaten as usual, so the possibility seemed remote. A virus of some sort? No symptoms to go along with the mild light- headedness. In fact, on the whole, he still felt upbeat and positive.

“Ready, everyone? Well, okay. Number-ten blade, please, Beth.”

“Again, please?” the scrub nurse asked.

Will felt a spark of irritation.

“I called for a ten, a number-ten blade.”

There was more of an edge to his voice than he had intended. The nurse in turn, glaring at him from above her mask, slapped the blade into his palm with more force than usual for her. Across the table from Will, Cameron immediately reacted to the rocky start.

“Okay, Willy,” he said, “a-cutting we shall go.”

The incision Will made, though quite large, was precisely the length he had planned. After bleeders were clamped and cauterized, he sliced open the peritoneal membrane, exposing the structures beneath. So far so good, except that Will was beginning to sense things weren’t good at all. He was feeling nauseated now, and his light- headedness was more constant. For the first time, he wondered if he was going to be able to continue with the operation.

Using large clamps and retractors, he and Cameron pulled the margins of the incision wide apart. The intestines, arrayed just beneath where the peritoneum had been, were moved aside with damp towels, exposing the blood-tinged structures of the operative field, glistening under the harsh saucer lights overhead.

Will’s mouth now felt desert dry. He peered down at the organs-pancreas, stomach, liver, gallbladder-and at the arteries, veins, nerves, and ducts servicing each one. In his mind, he had mapped out almost every second of this procedure. Now he couldn’t remember where he was to start.

“Everything okay, there, Willy?” Cameron asked.

Will glanced up at him from over his mask.

“I. . all of a sudden. . I’m not feeling so good.”

“You need a basin?. . Need to step away?”

“Huh?”

“Will, look over at me. Kara, take those glasses off him. Let me see his eyes. . ”

“I’m. . okay. . just. . need. . moment to. .”

Will felt the light-headedness intensify and a profound dizziness set in as well. His knees became rubbery, and his vision began to darken. He tried to speak, but only guttural sounds emerged from beneath his mask. Clutching at the sterile drape, he lurched to one side, then pitched forward heavily, landing facedown in the gaping incision.

CHAPTER 12

The inestimable blackness was pierced by sound-garbled voices captured by Will’s gradually increasing consciousness. Next came the ghastly sensation of choking-a tube the size of a redwood, clogging his throat.

Will tried to move his arms but met immediate resistance at the wrists. From his earliest days as a med student in the hospital, he had watched patients be intubated and put on a ventilator-some comatose, some semiconscious-and wondered what it could possibly have felt like. He had even asked some of them after they were on the way to recovery and had concluded that the degree of helplessness, pain, and horror of the situation was a function purely of how much medication they had received. From time to time, especially with emphysema cases,