“What part can’t you let go of?” Dix said.
“Her having sex. I think about it. I imagine it. I can’t get rid of it when I’m with her.”
Dix waited, his head cocked slightly. Jesse was staring at his hands, which were clasped in front of him. After a time he looked up at Dix.
2 6
S E A C H A N G E
“It’s like, almost, like I maybe don’t want to let it go.”
Dix’s face changed just enough for Jesse to see that he approved of the direction the conversation was taking.
“What the hell do I get out of it?” Jesse said.
“Something,” Dix said. “Or you’d let it go.”
“Yes.”
Again they were silent. The hushed whir of the air conditioning was the only sound in the office. It was hard to imagine Dix being hot, or tired, or puzzled, Jesse thought. No one could put up with silence like Dix could. It was like his natural element. Jesse felt winded. He took in another big breath.
“You went out with a lot of other women after your separation and divorce,” Dix said.
“Sure.”
“Did you imagine them with other men?”
“Not really,” Jesse said. “I love Jenn. I liked everyone I slept with. But I never loved them the way I love Jenn.”
“Therefore?” Dix said.
“Therefore I didn’t care who else they’d slept with,” Jesse said.
“Excuse the cliche,” Dix said. “But isn’t that more about you, about how you felt, than it is about Jenn or the other women?”
Jesse looked blankly at Dix for a moment.
“What the hell is wrong with me?” Jesse said.
“You’re human,” Dix said. “A common ailment.”
2 7
6
W hen Jesse got back to the station Jenn was in his office, sitting at his desk with the swivel chair tilted back, her legs
crossed under her short skirt, showing a lot of thigh. Jesse felt the little pinch of desire in his stomach. He always felt it when he saw her. It was so consistently a part of being with her that he just thought of it as part of the nature of things.
He had always assumed it was what everyone felt when they looked at the person they loved. Why worry about it now?
Was he looking for something to worry about?
“Oh Jesse,” she said. “I have great news. They’re doing an S E A C H A N G E
hour-long special at the station on Race Week. And I’m going to be the on-camera host and do the voiceover, too.”
“Wow,” Jesse said.
“It’s not just some feature for the six o’clock news,” she said. “It’s a full-hour feature and the company plans to syn-dicate it.”
“That’s great, Jenn.”
“I’ll be here every day with the crew. I’ll have input. Jesse, this is a really big break for me. We’re owned by Allied Broadcasting, and they have stations in most of the major markets.”
Jesse went around the desk and bent over and kissed her.
She put her arms around his neck, kept her mouth pressed against his and let him pull her from the chair when he straightened up. They held the kiss a long time. When they broke, Jesse exhaled audibly.
“When’s it being broadcast?” he said.
“Well, in syndication it varies by market. But we’re hoping to show it next year around Race Week,” Jenn said.
Jenn kept her arms around his neck and her body pressed against him.
“So you have a whole year to edit and do whatever you do,” Jesse said.
“Yes. Lay in the narration, the music track, enhance the pictures, spruce up the sound. A lot of work, and it gives you an idea of how much hope they have for this, that they’d give us so much time.”
2 9
R O B E R T B . P A R K E R
“A year,” Jesse said.
He felt the press of her thighs against him, of her breasts.
