weak. Sometimes he assumed it was just garbage, like most of the old fool's pet maxims. At other times, like this one, it was the only truth that mattered. Ah, but he had so many things to give up on, spoiled for choice, wallowing in opportunities. I could give up on myself, he thought; then he realized, I've already done that. But I won't give up on the Vadani, and I won't give up on her. (Another thing the old man had said: screw doing your very best; succeed…)
He was still awake when the first spikes of light poked through the seams of the tent flap. He yawned, stretched and covered his face with both hands, running the tips of his fingers down the length of his nose. Another long day to look forward to.
'Are you awake?'
He started, lost his balance and slid off the bed onto his knee. 'I'm sorry,' she said quickly, 'I didn't mean to-'
'That's all right,' he mumbled, 'that's fine. What are you doing here?'
He scrambled into a sitting position, his back to the bed, and looked up at her. She was wrapped in an old blanket, so all he could see was her head and her feet. 'I wanted to talk to you,' she said. 'If it's not a good time…'
'No, it's fine.' Without turning his back on her, he slithered up against the bed until he was sitting on it. 'There's a chair behind you. Sit down.'
She already had. 'I hope it's all right,' she said. 'Only…'
'Orsea sent you.'
He didn't know why he'd said it, because obviously he'd done no such thing. 'No, of course not,' she said. 'But he came back to our tent last night looking like death on legs. He wouldn't tell me where he'd been until I lost my temper with him.' She was looking straight at him. 'What did you say to him? He's practically suicidal.'
Valens sighed. 'I was as unpleasant to him as I could possibly be. False modesty aside, when it comes to being thoroughly obnoxious, I'm pretty much the state of the art. Oh, and I hit him. No, I tell a lie. It was the other one I hit, that Ducas fellow. They're pretty much interchangeable, anyhow.'
'That's not true.' Her voice was very calm. 'Orsea said it was Miel you fell out over.'
Valens laughed. 'You could say that,' he replied. 'But it was just an excuse, as far as I was concerned. You don't need me to tell you why your husband and I don't get on well.'
She nodded precisely; a small, sharp movement. 'It was Miel I wanted to talk to you about.'
'Really?' He shrugged. 'Fire away.'
'I want you to let him go.'
'Fine. He can go.'
'Without that ridiculous condition you wanted Orsea to agree to.'
'Sure.' He made a vague gesture of submission. 'He's free to go and do whatever he likes. Hold on a moment and I'll put it in writing.' He leaned across and drew the writing desk toward himself. 'You can take it with you if you like.'
'You're giving in, then? You've changed your mind?'
'Yes. What does it look like?'
'Why?'
He gave her a what-a-stupid-question smile. 'Because you asked me to, of course.'
She frowned. 'Would you do anything I asked you to?'
'Yes.' He said it without thinking. 'Yes,' he repeated firmly, 'I'm pretty sure I would.'
'If I asked you to leave me alone and never talk or write to me again?'
'Definitely.' He looked at her. 'Are you? Asking me that, I mean.'
'No.'
'Good.' He looked past her. 'So why are you so concerned about the Ducas' welfare?'
She shrugged. 'I've known him for a long time; all my life, really. If my father hadn't died so suddenly, I'd almost certainly have married Miel Ducas instead of Orsea.'
'I see. Would you have liked that?'
She nodded. 'It'd have been very comfortable,' she said. 'A bit like leaving home and moving into the house next door. I don't love him, of course.'
'No,' Valens said, 'I don't suppose you do. So, if not him…'
'Orsea.' She looked down at her feet. 'You know that.'
'Yes. Just Orsea?'
'No. But enough.'
'How much is enough?'
'As much as it takes.'
Valens nodded. 'All right,' he said. 'Though I must confess, it beats me how anybody could love someone like him; not excluding his mother, his old nurse and his dog. He's an idiot.'
'No.' There wasn't any anger in her voice. 'He isn't, actually.'
'Oh really.' Valens jumped up. 'Here's a man who wakes up one morning. What'm I going to do today? he says. Here's an idea: why not invade the Perpetual Republic for no perceptible reason and start a war that fucks up the entire world?' He waved his hands, an exaggerated gesture. 'If you say he's not an idiot, he's not one. Now all we've got to do is call in all the dictionaries in the world and change the definition of idiot to mean somebody with a fucking clue.'
Now she was standing up as well. Her front foot was pointed toward the tent doorway, implying that she was about to leave. 'Does that mean you've changed your mind about Miel Ducas?'
'No, of course not,' he snapped. 'And sit down, for crying out loud. I'm sorry,' he added quietly. 'All that was just showing off.'
'I know.' She sat down. 'And you know you're wrong about Orsea. He's not stupid, just weak; and unbelievably unlucky. Though I've always tended to assume the two go together somehow.'
Valens leaned forward, cupped his chin in his hands. 'I think he makes his own bad luck.'
'No.' She was correcting him, like a teacher. 'Not all the time. Besides, all his mistakes and his errors of judgment stem from one piece of really bad luck that simply wasn't his fault.'
'Really? What was that?'
She smiled weakly. 'Marrying me.' She shifted her head slightly, asking him not to interrupt. 'If he hadn't married me, he wouldn't have become the duke. It's only because of me that he's been in a position to make the mistakes. If he'd married anybody else in the world, he'd have gone through life perfectly happy as a minor nobleman, getting things more or less right, and there'd never have been a war or anything. Besides,' she added, 'I should never have married him; only I didn't know him well enough at the time to realize what a mistake I was making.'
Valens frowned. 'I thought you said-'
'I love him? Yes, I do. Practically at first sight. But he's never really loved me; or at least, he loves me because I'm there, if you see what I mean. Because I'm his wife, and he knows that loving your wife is the right thing to do.' She grinned. 'What I mean is, if he was married to someone else, he wouldn't leave her and run off with me. He wouldn't-what's the quotation? You're the one who knows these things. He wouldn't count the world well lost for my sake.'
Valens looked at her. 'Actually,' he said, 'I don't know quotations. I have to look them up.'
'Oh. I assumed…' She shrugged. 'Anyway, you see what I mean. If it was a choice between me and doing the right thing, I wouldn't stand a chance.'
'I see.' He frowned. 'And that's your definition of true love?'
'I suppose so. Like, for example…' She was looking over his shoulder. 'Like doing something really bad and terrible, because you realize you simply don't have a choice: leaving your husband, for instance. Or starting a war. Sorry,' she added. 'Did I just make a joke or something?'
Valens shook his head. 'I was just reminded of something I read recently. Actually it was that bloody stupid deposition the Ducas made me look at; you heard about that? It's something that Daurenja's supposed to have said, in his confession. He said: love has always been my undoing.'
She looked at him. 'He's supposed to be a murderer, isn't he?'
'I'm sure he is,' Valens replied. 'And a very useful engineer. I'm just picturing him standing up in court and
