get a sick feeling in my stomach, so I change the subject.
“When are you coming back?” I ask.
“Will you be okay if we stick to our original plan?” Mason asks. “Returning Monday evening?”
“Yeah,” I mutter.
“Would you like me to ask the McKeans if you could stay at their house tonight? So you’re not all alone?”
“Sure,” I say, with little enthusiasm.
“All right,” Mason says. “I’ll take care of it. But check in with me tomorrow afternoon, okay?”
“I will,” I promise.
“Oh, and Daisy?” Mason says.
“What?” I ask, just wanting to hang up.
“If you ever take off without telling me again, you’re going to be grounded for the rest of your life.”
fifteen
I’m glad, then feel guilty for being glad, when Audrey goes to bed at eight o’clock. I jump in my seat when she abruptly stands and dramatically bids Matt and me farewell, barely one second into the credits for the first movie. After she leaves, we look at each other quizzically from opposite ends of the couch.
“Want to go somewhere?” Matt asks, like he’s been waiting all evening. He’s in jeans; I have on yoga pants.
“This late?” I ask in protest, even though my stomach is flipping at the thought of going somewhere—
“It’s not so late, Grandma,” he says with a gleam in his eye. He stands up. “I’ll go tell my mom we’re going out for a bit. Get dressed and meet me back down here, unless you want to go outside in your pj’s.
“These aren’t pj’s,” I correct him. “They are stylish loungewear.”
“Do you want to go out in your stylish loungewear?” he asks.
“Not really,” I admit.
Matt heads off to find his mom, and I rush to the guest room—I’m staying in here tonight instead of in Audrey’s room, so I won’t disturb her—and quickly change into jeans, then throw a light sweater over my red shirt. Then I remove the sweater and the red shirt, and put on a purple T-shirt with ruffle embellishments instead. It’s one I borrowed from Audrey that, according to her, “pimps my eyes.” I apply lip gloss, let down my hair, put the sweater back on, and meet Matt downstairs.
“Hey,” he says.
“Hi,” I say back.
“You look good,” he says, turning toward the front door.
“Thanks,” I say quietly, following him outside into the warm fall evening.
I climb into the passenger seat of his car. It feels and smells familiar, thanks to our ride from Kansas City. Matt starts the engine and plugs in his iPhone—or maybe it’s Audrey’s—then quickly turns down the dial from full blast to normal. I roll down my window halfway to let the fresh air into my lungs. Matt rolls his down, too.
My favorite song ever begins as Matt pulls away from the curb. A breeze sends a waft of Matt’s shampoo my way, and that combined with the fresh scent of the fall air that still wants to be summer makes me want to inhale and hold my breath until I might die if I don’t let it out. I look at Matt’s profile again and he must feel my gaze because he smiles even though his eyes are still on the road.
The perfectness of the moment makes me think of Audrey and all the moments like this that she won’t have.
It makes me mad at Mason, until I realize that it’s not his fault.
It’s the program’s.
“What are you thinking about?” Matt asks.
Once again, I consider breaking my vows and Mason’s trust and telling Matt about the Revive program. But then I remember Mason’s uneasy feeling; I remember the strange call to Sydney, and the way that God wanted to move up the tests. Something is going on, and telling our secrets definitely won’t help the situation.
“Nothing,” I say. “I just love this song.”
We pull into a public lot and Matt kills the engine.
“It’s good that you brought a sweater,” he says. “It might get breezy where we’re going.”
“I came prepared,” I say.
“Let’s go,” Matt says.
Without thinking too much about it, I join hands with Matt as we set off through the lot, and then across a wide street. There are trees, a path, and water.
“What’s that?” I ask, pointing.
“The Missouri River,” Matt says. “We’re going across.”
Deciding to let go of my worries for the time being, I smile as we head toward a walking bridge that spans the river. Even at night, I can see clearly the massive pillars jutting out of the water and high into the sky, with webs of cables stretching down from their tops to support the river walk’s weight. From the bridge, I can see both the twinkling lights of downtown Omaha and the bright stars above. It’s beautiful.
“Pretty cool, right?” Matt asks.
“Yes!” I say enthusiastically. “Thanks for bringing me here. I’ve never done anything like this.”
“Really?” Matt asks. “There aren’t any rivers where you lived before? Where was it again?”
“Frozen Hills, Michigan.”
“Sounds cold.”
“It was.”
We’re still holding hands. I can’t help but marvel at the fact that there’s nothing remotely strange about it. No sweaty palms. Neither of us holds on too hard or soft: Our hands instinctively know how to be together.
“Hey, thanks again for coming to get me in Kansas City,” I say. “That was really cool of you.”
Matt shrugs but doesn’t answer.
“I’m serious,” I say. “I don’t know anyone else who would have done that.”
“I’m sure that’s not true,” Matt says.
We walk in silence for a few minutes. A breeze picks up over the water and gives me goose bumps. I want to button my sweater, but I don’t want to let go of Matt’s hand. Instead, I walk a little closer to him.
“So, were your parents pissed about you leaving Kansas City?” Matt asks.
“No, not really,” I say. “My dad got it.”
“You never talk about your mom,” Matt observes.
“Yes, I do,” I say. “What do you want to know?”
“What’s her name?”
“Cassie,” I say.
“What does she do?”
“She’s a professional mom.”
“Like mine,” Matt says. “That’s cool. What about your dad?”
“He’s a psychologist,” I say, feeling a pinch of guilt in my side for the lie.
“He’s a shrink?”
“Sort of,” I say.
“Does he always try to figure you out?” Matt asks.
“Sometimes,” I say, laughing.
“And that doesn’t bug you?” he asks.
I shrug. “Not really. He’s all right.” I get the sense that Matt’s going to keep asking about my parents, so I abruptly change the subject.
“Hey, did you know that I’m an excellent gymnast?” I drop Matt’s hand and move toward the railing.
“Uh, no,” Matt says, curious and a bit confused.
