Revived

In honor of my special day, Audrey’s mom lets her drive solo so we can have some girl time. Audrey picks me up in her happy car and takes me to the mall for coffee, pedicures, and the cute T-shirt of my choice (I select a supersoft tee with a pop art Einstein on it—which looks a lot cooler than it sounds). After that, we head back to Audrey’s house to change for what she calls the real present.

“Put this on,” Audrey says as she hits me in the face with an unidentified article of clothing. I’m brushing my hair at her vanity; she’s buried in her closet, trying to find exactly the right outfit.

“Uh…” I say, taking in the royal blue tank dress.

“What?” Audrey asks. “It’ll make your eyes pop. And you can’t wear jeans. It’s a special occasion!”

“I guess,” I say, frowning at the dress.

“Don’t you like it?” she asks. “It’s one of my favorites.”

“No, it’s not that,” I say. “It’s really cute. I just don’t wear a lot of dresses.”

“Well, you should,” Audrey says warmly before throwing silver leggings and a cropped black jacket at me. I give in and get dressed. She emerges with ankle boots in her hands, which, thankfully, she doesn’t throw at me.

“See!” she shouts when I’m dressed. “The blue is awesome with your eyes.” She grabs my shoulders and wheels me around to face the mirror. “You look like a model. Matt is going to die.”

“Thanks, Aud.”

“No problem,” she says. “I’ll be right back. I’m going to go borrow one of my mom’s necklaces.”

I sit back down at Audrey’s vanity and use some of her makeup. Just as I’m applying a little light pink blush, I hear movement in the hallway. I turn to see Matt passing by on his way to the shower. He’s carrying a towel and, as usual when he’s at home, he’s barefoot.

Our eyes meet.

“Wow,” he says softly. We hold each other’s stare for so long it feels dirty—in a good way. Neither of us says anything else, which makes it even more powerful. His eyes take in my hair, my exposed shoulder where the jacket is falling down on one side. We’re a room away from each other and I can feel his eyes on me like fingertips.

“Move it along,” I hear Audrey say to him from the hallway. “Drool later.”

The bubble burst, Matt grins sheepishly and turns away.

The “real” gift is third-row tickets to Arcade Fire.

“It’s like an eclipse,” I say about the chances of my favorite band playing in town on my birthday. “Or a meteor shower.”

“It’s pretty awesome,” Matt says as he watches the roadies set up.

Even though I thought she was joking, Audrey did actually invite Bear to the show. I glance over at them and silently agree that okay, fine, he does look a little like Jake Gyllenhaal.

But still he’s not as cute as Matt.

“This is the most amazing birthday ever,” I say in Matt’s ear.

“You deserve it,” he says in mine before kissing my neck and leaving me with head-to-toe goose bumps.

As the opening act begins to play, when the bass and the drums and the guitar and the screaming make it too loud to hear shouting let alone my whispered voice, I say, “I love you.” I know he can’t hear me, but I put it out into the universe anyway.

And for now, that’s enough.

twenty-four

The next Friday, I realize that nothing can stay perfect forever.

Audrey goes home sick from school, and even though I talk to her after fourth period and she seems fine, I’m still concerned.

And then Matt and I have our first fight.

It happens after school, when I’m packing for a four-day trip to Seattle. I’m joining Mason and Cassie on their annual pilgrimage to the Northwest for Fabulous Megan’s test. They’ll poke and prod during the day, and Megan and I will have bonding time at night. As much as I love being around Matt and Audrey, I can’t wait to just “be” with Megan. There’s something about spending time with someone who’s known you forever. It’s effortless.

Matt sits on the bed while I pack.

“It sucks that you’ll be gone this weekend,” he says.

“I know. But I’m really excited to see Megan. I haven’t seen her since last year.”

“I’ll miss you,” he says with a flirty smile that I feel to my toes. Smiling, I look back to the T-shirt I’m folding. He grabs one and folds, too.

“Hey, Dais?” Matt says. My stomach flits at the way he shortens my name. I love it.

“Uh-huh?” I murmur, folding happily like we’re an old married couple doing the laundry together.

“There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you.”

“Oh, yeah? What’s that?”

“It’s a favor.” Matt looks away and, strangely, I don’t take it as a warning. I’m too lost in my fantasy of us playing house.

“Anything for you,” I say. “Ask away.”

And then my fantasy crumbles.

“I want you to steal Revive.”

To say I’m caught off guard is the understatement of the century: I’m a lottery winner who didn’t buy a ticket. Except that would be a good surprise.

This is not.

I’m completely silent for at least three minutes. It would be beyond awkward if there weren’t so many thoughts barreling through my brain, not the least of which is a question: Over these past few weeks, when Matt’s seemed to be falling for me, was it real? Or was he only buttering me up for this favor?

Finally, I find my words… at least three of them.

“There’s no way…” I say, my voice trailing off. Matt looks at me like he’s expecting something. Practically demanding it. I try three more: “Matt, I can’t.”

He stands up from the bed and steps so close to me that we could kiss.

“I know it will be hard, but I think if you—”

“No,” I say decisively, taking a step away from him. “No. I can’t do it. I signed an oath.”

“But it’s for Audrey,” Matt says, touching me lightly on the arm. He looks at me the way he did the night of my birthday. It makes me feel sick.

“No,” I say again. His hand recoils and he turns away from me a bit.

“Don’t you care about my sister?”

“Of course!”

“Don’t you want her to live?”

“Of course!” I say again, raising my voice a little. “But it won’t work on her. Don’t you remember what I told you? This isn’t the way.”

“That’s what you’ve been programmed to say,” Matt mutters. He crosses his arms over his chest.

“Matt, seriously, it won’t work. It doesn’t work on cancer. They’ve tried it.”

“So you’ve said. What did they test it on? Rats?”

“Well, yes, but they’re very good indicators—”

“Daisy, that’s bullshit,” Matt interrupts. “So, what, only you get the drug? No one else is good enough to have it, but you get it five times? Good thing you live with the Revive dealers.”

“Hey!” I shout. “That’s enough.” I stare into Matt’s dark eyes and wonder where the kindness went. Was it really all an act?

Feeling tears coming, I face the bed.

“I think you should leave,” I say without looking at him.