'Well, I refuse to feature in his plans. I want taking off the case.'
'I thought you might say that, so I've already given it some consideration. Your request is turned down. You've got two weeks, from the weekend. Come back after that and I'll think again.'
Chapter 7
'Go on!' urged Lee Todd. 'Let's do it. We've plenty of time.'
'No,' pleaded his girlfriend, Vicky Smith. 'It's not right.'
'Not right? You've never said that before.'
'I mean now, before we see the vicar. You'll have to wait.' A shudder of delight ran through her. They were seated in his Mini, with its huge stereo speakers that blocked the view through the rear window blaring out rave music. Lee's hand was up her miniskirt and his fingers were exploring the crotch of her knickers.
'Stop it!' she demanded, half-heartedly. By sliding forward on the seat she could pull her pants so tight they dug into her puffy thighs and he couldn't get his blunt fingers under the elastic.
'Please!' he begged.
'No!' She snatched his hand away and sat up straight. 'Later, when we've seen the vicar about the banns. Then we'll do it, you know, how you like it.'
'Promise?'
'Yes, promise.'
'Oh, all right then.' He extricated himself from her and moved back to his side of the car. They sat smoking a roll-your-own cigarette, and Lee opened a can of Coke. 'Are you sure he won't ask if I've been christened?' he said.
'Course he won't. If he does, just say you 'ave.'
'But won't he check?'
'Nah. Anyway, things get lost. What difference does it make? Stop being such a wally.'
They sat without speaking for a while, bodies jerking to the incessant beat of the electronic music, until Lee announced that he'd never been in a church before.
'It's not a church, it's a vicarage,' Vicky told him.
'Same thing,' pronounced Lee.
'You don't 'arf talk some rubbish!' declared Vicky. 'The vicarage is the 'ouse where the vicar lives. That's the bloody church, through the trees, with the clock on top.'
'Well, I'll have to go to church when we get married, won't I? Then it'll be the first time.'
'Come on,' she said, straightening her skirt and running her fingers through her variegated hair. 'It's time to go.'
'Wait a minute.' Lee fumbled with the pocket of his shirt and took a twist of silver paper from it. He unwrapped two small white pills and tossed one into his mouth, swallowing it with a swig of Coke.
'Hey! Where's mine?' protested Vicky.
'You've already had one.'
'So have you.' She snatched the last pill from him and gulped it down with a drink from the can. 'Come on!'
Bottle was something Lee prided himself in having in abundance, but walking up the drive to the vicarage door drew on all his reserves.
Vicky pressed the bell push.
A dog barked, followed by a light coming on inside and a shadow falling on the frosted glass. The vicar's wife opened the door.
'We've come to see the vicar, about our banns,' announced Vicky. Lee stood a respectful yard behind her.
'Oh, how do you do? I'm Mary Conway. You must be Vicky and Lee.'
'That's right.'
'So pleased to meet you. Ronald said would you mind if he saw you in the church? He's in there now, if you'd care to pop along.'
'Oh, all right, then. G'night.'
'Just go straight in. Bye bye.'
They turned on their heels and walked back down the drive. Halfway up the path to the church Lee's power of speech returned. 'Hey, Vicky,' he whispered.
'What?'
'When we come out, when we've finished, we could always come back and have it in the graveyard. That'd be a laugh.'
'Lee Todd! You're obsessed. Sex! Sex! Sex! That's all you ever think about!'
'I know. That's why you love me, in nit Vicky embraced his arm in both hers and looked up at him. 'Probably,' she laughed.
The big door swung open and Lee entered a house of God for the first time in his eighteen years. He quietly closed the door behind them. It was not an example of ecclesiastical architecture likely to fill a young heathen with a sense of awe and wonder, being built during one of the Church's more austere periods. What did impress Lee was the power of the silence.
'What do we do?' he hissed.
'Dunno. Look for him, I suppose. Let's go down to the front.'
They walked down the aisle together for what was to be the only time in their lives, Lee's trainers padding noiselessly and Vicky's stilettos ringing out on the stone flags.
There was a door marked Vestry, with a glimmer of light visible under it. Lee, now confident that no bolt of lightning was about to smite him, knocked… There was no answer. He turned the handle and they went in.
'Cor, it's a bit warmer in 'ere,' Vicky said.
'Yeah. Smells as if someone's been smoking Pashas.'
'Pashas? What's them?'
'Strongest cigs ever made, according to my dad. It's one of 'is catch phrases 'You smell as if you've been smoking Pashas,' he sez.'
'Spect it's incense,' Vicky told him.
They wandered back into the nave and looked around them.
'How long do we wait?' asked Lee.
'Dunno.'
Down near the entrance was a notice board, with letters and schedules and various Third World appeals pinned to it. They studied the messages, and were unmoved by the pictures of pot-bellied children and weeping, wizened mothers.
Lee's bravado had returned by now. Or his animal desires had overcome his apprehension. 'Hello! Anybody there?' he shouted. Vicky laughed. Lee sprinted down to the front of the church and climbed into the pulpit. 'Today's hymn is 'My Way','he called out.
Vicky followed him. 'You're daft,' she giggled.
Lee put his arms around her and kissed her. He turned her around so that he was behind her and enclosed her breasts in his fingers.
'Don't,' Vicky moaned, as his tongue probed her ear.
'Hey! Who's that watching us?' he demanded.
'Where?' said an alarmed Vicky.
'Her up there.'
Vicky looked where he gestured. 'That's a statue of the Virgin Mary,' she explained.
'What, the vicar's wife?'
'No, idiot. Jesus's mum.'
'Blimey, bet they had to go a long way to find her.'
